Taking a Stand for Your Life

As I’m moving into a new direction of my life and taking my training in Life Coaching, I see the parallel with coaching myself at the same time. It has been a few weeks, but it took my Chiropractor, some friends who have been with me along the way and a little determined spirit to take notice and STOP the cycle of running my head into a wall, and the suffering it sometimes feels like I was putting myself through.

I am a survivor of trauma and many other such things and I had been allowing myself to stay in a relationship that was causing me headache and frustration. My Beloved son’s father would not be interested in me during the time we were actually in a relationship, had stated our love for each other or claimed our commitment and goals of marriage. During these times there was a tease of a maybe marriage, a maybe commitment and maybe one day we’ll have time to be alone and make love, but all the while (I’m going to use the term HE in this case) HE was ignoring my desires for connection, rejecting my seducing him, refusing to go anywhere to be close, and considered our time alone to be something that always included our son there with us. It had been almost 5 years, all the while I had felt timid myself, overpowered, undermined and as though there was something wrong with ME. When I knew HE grew up as an only son and could rarely be satisfied, still living with his mother while raising our son and claimed that it takes him 7 to 10 years to open up to someone. I surrendered for a few years and thought that maybe he was right and it takes time to build trust and deep love, but it dawned on me after an NET Session that all this waiting and his rejection of closeness didn’t add up. Either he was extremely shut down sexually and has a fear of intimacy, OR there was something wrong with me that was causing him to make me wait so long.

I’ve been working as a Sex Coach and Intimacy Therapist for several years in my other business for over 6 years, am highly trained AND have been in intensive Psychotherapy, other Alternative Methods of Healing REGULARLY and completed two years of intensive Transformation in completing your life and your past. Perhaps he was comfortable with me before I had healed from the rape when I was afraid of getting close, or liked being in control of holding himself distant while I pushed him off of me because I needed to only be held. Now that my sex drive is back and alive, he pushes me away; nothing more, nothing less. Perhaps I just didn’t see it before because my needs were different. Now, I have a need for intimacy and closeness. His needs stayed the same; to have a mostly platonic relationship. This doesn’t work for me anymore!

So, my coaching to myself is to reclaim my power, to know I am deserving of a loving, deep powerful connection and that I don’t have to stay in a relationship with someone that pushes me away. What’s funny is that now that I have pulled myself away, he has shown an interest and has given me multiple clues that he is NOW turned on and aroused when he comes near me, but NOW it has gone past the line of survival. He had his chance. I offered multiple times to go to couples therapy, and the same pattern exists. There is no interest when we are a couple, but when I leave he comes running after me, and in the past would seduce me back into his heart. Now, I am taking a stand and having more clear boundaries. If he truly decides to surrender and become vulnerable and open his heart to allowing another to go deep into his feelings and transforms this pattern, I would certainly not reject him. But, now that I am taking a stand for myself, I am walking towards a stronger balance within my own heart, and know now I cannot change another and that I truly deserve love. The chances of him taking responsibility to heal his own heart and get the help he needs are slim to none, so, it is now up to me. My life, my heart, my power!

Who I used to be was someone who would wait around for another trying to help them and do everything to fix them and make them all better. Now I know this is foolish and will never happen, and it is only I who can heal myself. Now I look to myself, looking within to see why it is me who had a need to wait for them to come around. Maybe now it is I that needs to come around and truly walk away. It is the best way to truly father myself!

And in the name of the father, I affirm, I know my father knew no other way. As he was incapable of being a father to me, I now am being a father to me, and as I continue to grow and get stronger, my ability to help others expands. My relationship with my son improves, the people around me are inspired and perhaps HE will one day see the journey that will take him to heal his own heart, and if not, this is my way of loving him, and our family. Maybe he will never understand, but for the first time, I finally do!

Daphne & Fred – My Best friend’s hot

What’s a girl gotta do to get a guys attention?

I LOVE this video! It reminds me of me in all my pursuits of a hot guy that is completely not interested in sex. What’s a girl gotta do to get the guy she loves to notice and take some action? This video completely fits the plot! You can only wait around so long, right girls! Maybe putting your attention on someone else will make him notice, and then again, maybe NOT! 🙂 Just thought I’d share with you.

www.SexBlissLifeCoach.blogspot.com Asttarte Deva

When Your Hunny Just DOESN’T Want To Have Sex

When Your Hunny Just Doesn't Want to Have SexHave you tried everything in the book to get your hunny to make love to you?

Are you calling your friends asking for advice?

Have you seduced him or her on multiple occasions with little response or wake up from them?

Are you tired of rejection?

Do they always have excuses and are NEVER in the mood?

Perhaps there’s another reason they are shut down. Perhaps there are deeper core issues that need to be dealt with. You love them, he/she loves you, but the little amount of fondling, caressing or stroking of your hair is getting old. You want some connection. You want someone to love you deeply. You want a tantric partner; not just some 10 or 15 minute quickie. Where is he (she)?

You try playing with your toys, you go out with the girls (or the guys), you are ALWAYS in the mood and he just drops dead when he comes home.

When Your Hunny Just DOESN'T Want To Have Sex

When Your Hunny Just DOESN'T Want To Have Sex

sexualfrustrationHave you tried everything in the book to get your hunny to make love to you?

Are you calling your friends asking for advice?

Have you seduced him or her on multiple occasions with little response or wake up from them?

Are you tired of rejection?

Do they always have excuses and are NEVER in the mood?

Perhaps there’s another reason they are shut down. Perhaps there are deeper core issues that need to be dealt with. You love them, he/she loves you, but the little amount of fondling, caressing or stroking of your hair is getting old. You want some connection. You want someone to love you deeply. You want a tantric partner; not just some 10 or 15 minute quickie. Where is he (she)?

You try playing with your toys, you go out with the girls (or the guys), you are ALWAYS in the mood and he just drops dead when he comes home.

Dangerous Beauty – Videos to Shock your wives!

I LOVE this, LOVE this!!!

Only the MOST powerful of women could stand for their truth to those who are afraid of loving at such an intensity. If only all humankind could love so openly and live to tell their loved ones and others as freely as this.

Only SHE knows how they are all doing, and all the wives want to be her! Vindictive Jealousy strikes them! Her gentle love over powers all!

www.SexBlissLifeCoach.blogspot.com Asttarte Deva

For the Guys – Your Prostate is your Vitality!

To all those guys who have come to me for prostate issues, frequent urinary issues and inflammation of the bladder or prostate, this one is for you!

I was walking through the Health Food Store tonight and turned my head towards the shelf that had this tiny little bottle just staring at me with tantalizing eyes! I had been passing by this bottle for eons and decided to ask the knowledgeable nutrition clerk for some answers!

To my discovery, Nettle is a potent ancient herb for medicinal usage, for hay fever, allergies and to reduce inflammation of the prostate.


“Nettle is known for its ability to relieve symptoms of benign prostatic hypertrophy (BPH), a condition in which the prostate becomes enlarged and causes men to develop problems with urination. Nettle helps men to urinate more successfully during the day, and thus helps eliminate another annoying symptom of BPH—frequent nighttime urination. Nettle keeps the body from converting testosterone into 5-alpha-reductase, an enzyme that causes the prostate gland to begin growing again in middle age. Taking nettle in combination with either pygeum bark extract or saw palmetto may be to be at least as effective against BPH as the prescription drug finasteride. Commission E also approves the use of nettle to treat BPH.” ( source: http://www.vitaminstuff.com/herbs-nettle.html)



You can also try eating lots of tomatoes! This is also known for reducing inflammation of the prostate as well!

I also give a nice prostate massage to your Tantra Session, as requested! A prostate Massage is good for Healing AND for pleasure!

To your prostate health, and your vitality!

Love, Asttarte

www.SexBlissLifeCoach.blogspot.com Asttarte Deva

Are You Contracted Or Expanded in Your Relationship?

by: Dawn Allen

Have you noticed when you’re feeling happy and at ease, your relationships flow easily along? You feel open to life, loving, and generous… expansive.

But how about when you’re not feeling so great. When you’re feeling frustrated or tense, worried or angry… you feel contracted, shut down.

And what do we usually do when we’re feeling contracted? We start judging ourselves and thinking, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” because most of us were brought up to believe that there were good feelings and bad feelings, and we should definitely avoid the ‘bad’ ones at all cost.

But then what happens? What we resist persists. We try to force ourselves into feeling better, or jump to the nearest distraction to avoid the feeling altogether or just beat up on ourselves for even feeling that way to begin with.

The biggest challenge is letting go of the judgment about what we’re feeling.

What if… when we felt contracted, we simply took it as a sign from the Universe that it’s a time to go within, to take care of ourselves, to not make any big decisions (other than what type of bubble bath to take or which tree to go sit under), and to just allow ourselves to ‘be’.

What if… we accepted what we’re feeling and didn’t judge it to be good or bad, right or wrong, but just what ‘is’ for the moment.

When we give ourselves permission to feel what we’re feeling and “to just let that be okay” (my favorite motto!), the emotional relief is amazing.

Until we learn to allow and accept our feelings for whatever they are, we never really get the chance to move beyond them, or to allow them to move through us.

We might be able to force them into hiding for a certain period of time, but eventually they’ll start popping up in one form or another… physical ailments, relationship problems, emotional reactions, anxiety, depression, insomnia. Sound familiar?

The next time you’re feeling contracted, instead of judging it to be good or bad, or resisting it, or acting out impulsively, as we so often do… allow it just to be and accept it for what it is there to show you. Go within and take some time for yourself before you start interacting with others… take a walk, listen to some music, nurture yourself.

Then as the feeling of contraction subsides, and expansiveness returns little by little, you can communicate your needs, desires, thoughts, and feelings from a much more resourceful place, without shutting down or exploding!

Contraction is a normal part of life and all relationships. Learning to accept it is the first step in allowing it to move through us. Like the waves in the ocean, our emotions ebb, and flow, it’s just part of life.

Without resistance to what we’re feeling, we can experience contraction and allow healing to occur and move beyond it. Just as important, when we see someone else experiencing contraction, like our partner or our children, we can let go of taking it personally, and allow them the space to do what they need to do to take care of themselves, so they can come back to the relationship with love in their hearts again.

In the past, I often took my partner’s contraction, their drawing into themselves, as a judgment of me, or a statement of how my partner felt about me. Once I learned to accept and understand my own feelings of contraction, it helped me understand when my partner or my daughter was experiencing those same feelings. And to not take it personally.

What if we taught our children how to take care of themselves when they’re feeling contracted so they wouldn’t have to struggle in their relationships later on? What a wonderful world that would be.

As Janet & Chris Attwood say in their book, “From Sad to Glad,” “When I can be okay with the contraction in myself, I can accept the contraction in people around me. When I’m okay with both, then my life is simply a life lived in love.”

When was the last time you felt contracted and what did you do? What worked and what didn’t work?

Start noticing how you feel, so you can really participate in a loving relationship with a partner without the constraints of judgment. Then you will both be free to express your emotions lovingly and freely because you’ll have acceptance of yourselves and each other.

© 2008 Dawn Allen

WANT TO SEE MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE? See Dawn’s blog http://www.InspiredHeartCoachingBlog.com

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Dawn Allen, CDC, CPTF, is a Love & Attraction Coach, Author, and founder of Inspired Heart Coaching™. Dawn is a leading authority on love and relationships, and specializes in helping single women attract the love of their lives. Through her group and private coaching programs, she teaches you how to attract and create a deep, magical, and loving relationship by releasing patterns from the past. To learn more about Dawn, visit http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com and receive her “4 Secrets to Finding Your Soul Mate” E-book when you subscribe to her Secrets to Love Ezine, or email her at Dawn@InspiredHeartCoaching.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dawn_Allen

5 Tips to Creating the Life You Deserve

A pretty cool lady wrote this!

“Creating the life you deserve begins with the restlessness that leads to a desire for change. This desire can be a feeling that you want to shift in one area or many areas of your life. It shows up as a feeling of unease and general fatigue that infuses your entire body.

You have an inalienable right to have the life you deserve. This means that you get to use all of your skills and talents to achieve a life of elegance, beauty and richness. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have the life of your dreams.

Now you’re wondering, How long will this take? The reality is that it will take as long or as little time as needed. Remember, there is no magic formula and this is a journey. When you feel as if you can not go on, see yourself in your new future and imagine the joy you feel.

Creating your desired life requires conscious living-being self-aware. Patterns, beliefs and strategies developed over a long period of time become habits. They have settled into your subconscious and are there to help you automatically. Deciding to live consciously requires paying attention to and adjusting automatic behavior.

Ready for some specific insights for creating the life you deserve? Here are five keys for creating your desired future.

1. Live on purpose. Using silence and planned mediation, allow your life purpose to wonderfully unfold before you. Discover the activities that make your heart sing. Engage joyfully in these activities.

2. Act boldly. When ideas come to you, act boldly upon them. Being a shrinking violet will hold you in your current status. Pursue lofty goals and take on challenges that you would have previously avoided.

3. Have positive expectancy. Expect your desired life. Choose your thoughts, reshape your beliefs. Visualize your desired future.

4. Take total responsibility for your life. You choose your emotions and your response. Are you blaming someone else or accepting responsibility for your life.

5. Practice gratitude. Be thankful NOW! A fundamental law of the Universe is to be grateful in all things.

Creating the life you desire is easier than you think living consciously. Conscious living requires that you take time for yourself, be self-aware and choose the life you want.”

Whenever you are ready to experience greatness in your life go to http://www.overfiftyfineandfancy.com to schedule a free strategy session that’s guaranteed to give you at least one nugget that you can use.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Inez_Bracy

Life On YOUR Terms

Inspire Me Today – Shann Vander Leek

Creating your life on your terms is really about allowing for grace through your next transition. ~ Shann Vander Leek

If today were my last day on Earth and I could share 500 words of brilliance with the world, here are the important things I’d want to pass along to others…

Imagine a life orchestrated to complement your natural rhythms. A life where your work is your play, and your play is your life. You deserve to be happy, healthy and wealthy. You have permission to create your life on your terms. So instead of putting up with mediocrity, waiting for a knock on the door or an invitation to change, take your life’s adventure to heart. The process begins here, now, today.

It’s time to get moving – to wake up, lift the veil of the status quo, and embrace the richness of a full life!

Out of all the “keys” to living a full life that I have discovered here, passion is probably the most important. If you were locked in a windowless room, passion would be the key that opens the door. When you are in the presence of a passionate person, the world falls away, and you are suddenly swept up in a tidal wave of possibility. The world is a playground for people who have the courage to follow their bliss. What are you passionate about?

Personal awareness is another important key. Awareness allows you to look for opportunities in your surroundings, but also to understand how your mind perceives opportunity. Be bold and direct in your awareness. Bumping around from one mindless task to the next is not acceptable. You are here to make something of your life, and your conscious choices will guide you with fulfilling your dreams.

Passion combined with awareness leads to opportunity, and the courage to take action with passion must be nourished from loving support of friends, family, coaches and mentors. You are who you surround yourself with.

To boldly go where no one else has gone before is a sexy idea. Sexier still is discovering mentors, explorers and visionaries who are willing to share the bold steps they have already taken along with the lessons they learned along the way. Often times all we ever have to do is explore our curiosity – comforted by the knowledge that we are no alone. What kind of people do you share your time with?

Trust is the third magical key. Trust in God, the Universe, your Higher Power, your gut, or your intuition. While having faith is not always an easy proposition, you simply must find the courage to believe in yourself. What do you believe in?

Act on your instincts and understand it is your personal responsibility for creating your life on your terms. Give yourself permission to have the moxie to explore several ideas and find the perfect fit. When you know and you honor who you are, you will be happy and free…

It is never too soon, nor too late to follow your passion.

Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your life!

Stand up for yourself. Stand up for your life!

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life. Define yourself.”
~Harvey Fierstein ~

Why do you allow people to talk to you like that?

Is there a sign on your forehead that gives people permission to talk to you in an unacceptable manner?

I am reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine who constantly complained about her boss from hell!
She told me that her boss never passed up the chance to talk down to her and criticize her in full view of her co-workers. The feelings of shame that overcame her after those episodes made her feel so “small” and belittled to the point where she felt completely helpless.

Trips to the Human Resource department had proved fruitless and only led to more trouble with the boss. The situation with her boss had eroded her self-esteem and left her feeling terribly frustrated and unhappy. Her life at work had become a nightmare and that nightmare had begun to affect her relationships and her life at home.

She knew she had to put a stop to this madness but could not muster the courage to deal with the situation. So she let it “eat away” at her, deprive her of sleep, stress her out and totally throw her life out of balance. For some reason, she just could not stand up for herself.

Why was she putting up with it? She gave me a long list of valid and invalid reasons about why she could not just quit her job including the fact that the economy was in bad shape and that she had bills to pay! I totally understood her position because sometimes you really can’t afford to just pack up and leave. You have to weigh the situation, make informed choices and then make the right decisions for you. You can’t keep running away all the time either, so you have to learn to deal with the situation.

Sometimes people get caught between a rock and a hard place and need to build an extra muscle to help them survive the situation while waiting for better opportunities to come along. I call it the “stand up for yourself muscle.”

This muscle is your voice. It allows you to speak up for yourself and express your opinion in a manner that doesn’t infringe on others while still making your position clearly known. It represents your truth and allows you to be in integrity with yourself.

When you speak up for yourself in this manner, you are being assertive and you are standing up for yourself.

One day, I received a phone call from my friend in the scenario above. She told me that one afternoon, during an “episode” at work; she asked her boss in a firm but polite tone “could we please have this conversation in private?” Her boss was taken aback but nonetheless agreed to her request. Fortunately that was the beginning of a new phase in my friend’s life. She had just developed her “stand up for yourself muscle!”

Just like my friend, you too must be the first flicker of hope in your life and the engine of change in your situation. The change must begin with how you perceive yourself. It requires courage and self-love.

Speaking up for yourself doesn’t necessarily mean being confrontational. You can learn to deal with conflict without being aggressive. One simple step you can take to help you find your voice and build your assertive muscle is to learn how to say NO! Let people know when something is unacceptable and when your rights are being violated. Don’t feel guilty or explain why you said NO because you have a right to say NO.

Don’t lose your sanity, find your voice, speak up, stand up for yourself and enjoy your life today!

“The soul that is within me no man can degrade.”
~Fredrick Douglas~

Author’s Bio

Caroline Jalango is a life coach for women who are ready to take steps toward living an exceptional life. She helps women strike the match that sets them ablaze to discover who they are, explore and expand on what they can do and take action to achieve their goals. Are you settling for less than you deserve because you are stuck or are you stuck because you are settling for less than you deserve? Send your responses to Caroline@motivationzone.com or visit www.motivationzone.com

Boundaries? Use Them to Take a Stand For Your Life

This is an amazing article written by Dawn Allen, an expert in Dating & Relationship Advice!

“BOUNDARIES!” Nadia screamed at me in her heavy Eastern European accent. “You have GOT to learn how to have boundaries or you will never achieve the kind of success you are meant to have in this world. You have GOT to learn how to say NO in a healthy way, especially to those closest to you and those who are trying to take advantage of your time and energy…”

Okay, Nadia, I get it. I’ve got to have boundaries.

Nadia is one of the most brilliant people I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

Who is she?

Nadia Tumas is an incredibly gifted and talented hand analyst and life purpose coach. She recently did a hand analysis for me and helped me discover some pretty amazing things about myself and my life.

Nadia, however, does not mince words. She cautioned me at the beginning of our session that she ‘tells it like she sees it’ so to speak (according to our hands) and does not hold back from saying the truth that we may not like, but that we need to hear.

I took a deep breath and told her to go for it. I was ready to hear everything she had to say.

As Nadia proceeded to describe in detail all the positive and not-so-positive aspects of my personality (all of which were unbelievably accurate), she also explained what I needed to do in order to really fulfill my life purpose and potential, which according to her was that of being a successful leading mentor in the spotlight with a message of love for the world.

“Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries,” she kept saying repeatedly. “Learn to have boundaries or else…”

Okay, so boundaries and saying No to people has never been my strong suit.

It’s much easier for me to say yes and give in to other people’s requests.

The problem with that, of course, is that I end up sacrificing huge amounts of time and energy to things and people that aren’t necessarily supporting my life goals.

It’s not their fault. They’re just asking. And people should always feel free to ask. Or at least I want them to always feel free to ask.

But I should also feel free to say No… and I don’t always feel that way.

There’s a part of me deep down that struggles with saying no to people out of fear of rejection.

And not feeling good enough or worthy enough to put a priority on myself, my feelings and my time.

This has shown up for me time and time again in my life… in my work, in my relationships, in everything.

But in my desire to serve others, I was getting left out. My needs and desires were getting pushed to the side over and over and over again.

And how can we ever truly serve others if we’re not first serving ourselves?

Eventually we just run out of steam. Our energy runs dry.

Nadia pointed out to me that my hands were screaming out for help. My over-giving and self-sacrifice in some of my relationships was leaving me with nothing left to support myself.

How could I move forward in life if I had no energy left for my goals and dreams?

The well was about to run dry.

I looked up at the Mission Statement I had written for my life the year I started coaching five years ago… “I am here to teach love & that we might all know we are loved. The path of Spirit is right where we are & our connection to Spirit is there all the time. Walk down your path & know that you are loved & perfect the way you are. The answer to everything on this path is love.”

But was I really loving myself?

Was I honoring my own Path?

Not so much.

So that day, on the phone with Nadia, I made the commitment that I would start creating space for myself and having healthy boundaries in place in all my relationships.

Honest to goodness no sooner did I get off the phone with Nadia and the first person to call me was my ex-husband, who I’ve had continuing boundary issues with during our entire relationship, but particularly so since we got divorced.

I’m thinking to myself as I’m listening to him… You have GOT to be kidding me? Really? Really? Must I be tested on my commitment to this already?!!!

Can’t I even get a little break or semi-hiatus out of acknowledgment for having made this commitment?

No, I guess not. Because the first thing my dear ex-husband did was launch into a rendition of “I want you to do this for me…” And it happened to be something I had already said No to in the past and which he continued to try and guilt me into doing.

And normally, I would have given in… just to done with it. Even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

But Nadia’s voice kept nagging at me in the back of my head… boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

So… tuh-dah! I said No for the first time. I had to say it about 5 different times, 5 different ways and then again in about 4 different emails. But I stuck to it and kept saying it from a place of love, not anger.

Because when I thought about it, it wasn’t his fault. I had never shown him anything different other than being someone who would give in… generally out of fear of rejection or anger.

And this No was coming from a place of love for myself… and therefore a place of love for him too.

I just needed to show him a different interaction in our relationship. One where I was now going to honor my feelings and say no to requests that didn’t feel right.

It took awhile, but he finally got it. Amazingly, the final communication between us ended from a very loving place for both of us. That was a first. And believe me, it did feel like magic.

I hate to say it, but retraining the people in our lives that we want/need/expect to be treated differently, is a lot like retraining dogs.

We don’t have to get mad at a dog for not understanding our new requests. We just have to be consistent and persistent in what we’re teaching them to do and how we’re training them to treat us.

And we do teach the people in our lives how to treat us. That is our responsibility, not theirs.

We have to take a stand for ourselves. But first we have to love ourselves enough to take that stand.

Love yourself enough to take a stand for your life… with everyone in your life.

Let me know how you do…

© 2010 Dawn Allen

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? You can, as long as you include this with it:

Dawn Allen is a Dating & Relationship Advice Expert for Women. She is founder of Inspired Heart Coaching and the transformational “HeartsWork” Programs. Dawn specializes in helping women over 40 find the next love of their life and have the deep, magical and loving relationship of their dreams.

In her powerful and transformational programs, Dawn guides you to transform pain into power; move beyond fear, resentment and other sabotaging emotions; rebuild self-respect, self-confidence and self-love; and supports you in reinventing a life filled with love and inspiration.

To receive Dawn’s Free E-Book, “4 Secrets to Finding Your Soul Mate” as well as dating & relationship advice, visit http://www.InspiredHeartCoaching.com. To contact Dawn directly, mailto:dawn@inspiredheartcoaching.com.