Grocery Shopping and Your Sexual Needs

Do you ever go to the grocery store, and after strolling and going to the check out realize that there are other items you “still” need to get? I often go to the Acme to get my trash bags, lunch baggies, water, fresh fruit in bulk, eggs, pastas, crackers, frozen meals and deserts, and then trek to the Trader Joe’s for my sons vitamins, nuts, goat cheese, orange juice and yummy yogurt and then Whole Foods for their delicious soups, organic vegetables, “my” vitamins and teas, juice for my son, my nurturing magazines to read, etc. AND, more recently, even go to the Co-op to get healthy snacks and more natural sugar treats for my son. That’s a heck of a lot of different grocery stores to go to, and not all at the same time, but do ever find yourself caught in the same situation where you need to go to multiple places to get all of your needs met?

Just like your sexual needs, your intimate and personal needs, you can’t always get them met by the same person, or at least not all the time. Perhaps in the beginning of relationships it may appear you can get ALL your needs met by your honey, but as time moves on, you realize more of who they are and some of your needs are better off met by others.

Perhaps your significant other gives you great nurturing, cuddles you and is great to relax with, but you also have a desire for great sex, so you may find yourself being drawn to others, and sometimes without your partners consent. You may have a best friend at work or that you talk to every day that you can vent, talk to and really feel heard. And perhaps you can’t always get the massage you deely desire and need from your Beloved, so you then turn to the Massage Parlor or Spa for this need. If you’re a woman and you LOVE shopping, maybe your guy will turn you away when you make his request to join you, but you have a favorite shopping buddy you like to call on when you’re “in the mood” to shop! Or if you’re a guy and love to go bowling, have a “guys night out”, or go hunting, your woman certainly and most probably isn’t interested in joining you here! Sometimes it’s okay to get your “other” needs met by other people. And, often, it’s nice to get a little break away from the person you see the most. It sometimes allows you to appreciate them that much more, and gives you a reason to keep the relationship going, because in the end, they are the one you love the most.

The Best Way to Get All Your Needs Met:

Talk openly about ALL of your needs and what you are or are not getting met by your significant relationship.
Discuss your other considerations for fulfilling those needs.
Make agreements with each other to have them fulfilled.
If you have weekly needs, find a day and time that they are suited best.
If you have monthly needs or bi-monthly needs or every six months, be sure to discuss them so it doesn’t become your partners problem or that they don’t become the blame for your lack of happiness, but instead, you are in charge of your own life!
If your partner is not supportive of your needs getting met, you might want to seek a Couples, Family or Sex Therapist to work them out. Otherwise, you might be questioning your relationship and why you are in it.

May all Your Needs Be Met in the exact time you need them!


Asttarte Asttarte Deva

THE NIGHT – Part 1

It has literally been about 9 years, around May 20th, 2005 to be exact, that that big event occurred. I had just come home from a powerful Tantra Initiation in California; on the verge of becoming a Dakini. During the Tantra Initiation Training, I was reclaiming my love for my self, I was grieving a boyfriend at the time, mourning the fact that my father was never in my life, and I had spent a week long at the Initiation making love with an amazing lover almost every night. My body and spirit was in full blast and open at a level I had NEVER experienced before. I was working as a Massage Therapist at a Gentleman’s Club at the time, and had the money and freedom to take off upon my request. I was single, living a poly lifestyle and the only commitment I had was my cats.

I was open and excited about life and sought out a man whom I had gone to high school with, and in fact dated while we were in middle school. I was excited to have found him. I felt a love for him and a desire to reconnect. I was feeling flirtatious upon my return from the Tantra Training and joked about connecting, but was never REALLY serious.

We decided to meet up and I made my way to driving to his place “in Coatesville”. Perhaps that would have been a clue, but I just assumed it was a cheaper place to live and was his reason for being there. I was meeting two other girlfriends from high school on the same night. We decided to all meet at a bar in West Chester called the Blarneystone. I had never seen any of them in well over 12 years. And the girls were living a very traditional, normal working life, and in some ways were conservative and didn’t know about any of my Spiritual, Yoga or Tantric world. They on some level, looked at me odd. I just shunned it as a difference, and maybe if we got together again I could acquaint them with some of this knowledge, but that opportunity never happened, after this wild, creepy and majorly misunderstood night.

Welcome to this Journey – 1st post

Welcome all to my journey of self discovery. As many of you know, I had been raped about 8 years ago, and to all of your surprise, I actually OVERCAME it with my intense commitment to Tantra and ALL my personal work. That is not a small endeavor in the least. In fact, it’s probably one of the most challenging pursuits one can take.

So in reality, this journal is about my commitment to having overcome a serious trauma, and coming to a place of loving to be touched, to touch, to give and receive love and now learning how to pleasure my self; my true self, my deepest self. The self that is in my soul, my heart that has longed for passionate love with others and my quest for a regular sexual encounter. Now, as I learn to be my own Tantric Master, and not just being with others, but in fact being alone, I can come to a place a full body pleasure at any moment I choose.

I realize this is not often a quest one takes while having a child, however, those moments I am with him will be my moments of choosing to control my body sensations and breathing out the pleasure until I am alone again amongst myself.

So here we are. A journey where one never knows the end, or how one came upon the events that took them to choose their next steps. Life happens, bit by bit, and we deal with things as we go along our way. Perhaps this too, will inspire you, or maybe marvel you into learning a few things yourself, or maybe in some ways, open your heart!