She asks for permission
She asks for forgiveness
She asks to forgive
She wants nothing but to share her love
She is of gratitude for this life
She has swallowed her rage for too long
There is no where but out
All hurt that we all carry is hidden deep within. What are you doing today to release your deep anger, your deep sadness and your deep pain? Are you cradling your beloved today, or fighting with her? Women just need to be loved, even when they show you pain.
She still speaks, she speaks loudly, sometimes softly
the voices within her are becoming more apparent, more alive.
She is no longer in hiding. She is letting me know it was NOT ok.
The drugs she was given to make her pass out
unable to walk, becoming dependent on his insecure arms
wrestling to make sense of what was happening
She speaks now, my vagina, my womb, my yoni
I feel her pulsating between my legs.
She has a heartbeat.
It pounds when she is feeling protective
She leaks juice when she is feeling safe
It is forever unfolding
Something I know that can be healed
Something I have healed before.
I the Goddess, since birth
Since a life before.
I connected to my Divinity once again.
I am moved with awe of her power, of her strength.
She lives, and she speaks,
It is time now to pour out the vessels of blood within my bones, my veins, my heart and my sacred center. She is talking to me, and she is crying; crying for all those who only want from her, and all those who take. All those who only want what they demand, instead of asking kindly for what they prefer. She doesn’t need to be demanded of. It is no one’s right to expect anything of her, but of what she wants to give.
No man can have what they demand. It will only come back to haunt them later; in lack of love, in karma, in chaos, in darkness. They MUST learn to love the Sacred Feminine. They must learn to honor the Goddess, and in honoring the woman, they also learn to love them-self within.
My Sacred Center speaks to me. She is crying. She is louder than ever. She is telling me is time now to heal.
The past two days I’ve spent with a Beloved Goddess friend who is in training to be a Womb Belly Goddess Healer and possibly Mid-Wife. She inspired me to start this blog about a month ago, but the first writings turned into a powerful healing of the sacred womb and the divine wounded feminine within me.
Remembering the moments we took the walk fills me with peace and a renewed faith that all that happened before truly can be transformed. We walked with my son into the woods, and came upon a rock that filled my pores and my senses. He headed down one path towards one large rock while sister Goddess and I both spontaneously jumped on this gorgeous rock before us and opened our legs to let the rock and the earth fill our bodies with love and grounding our energies to its mountainous form. We were literally allowing the rock to fill our bodies. I slowly began remembering myself as the Mother Earth Goddess and who it is I am. I listened to my body open. I felt my body feel, even slightly again. We went to the waters and bravely removed our shoes as we all trekked in the freezing cold water. That lasted only a couple minutes before we decided we would rather stand above water and be warm then be filled with freezing water.
We all gathered walking sticks to embrace our natural Shamanic Earth power, even when not in nature; as this is something I need to re-embrace in my life, having chosen a home close to the city; when my heart and spirit need the nature so deeply.
My son and I returned the next day alone. I wanted to be filled with the nature spirits, and Earth energy as much as possible, and as my sons school was closed for the week, I wanted to take advantage of the time I had with him. However, he was crying for an Icee the whole time we were in the woods and being cranky from having just awoke. So, as the Mother Goddess that I am, I picked him up and carried him on my back after about fifteen minutes into the woods. We walked near to the end of the trail and saw another family. Then we turned around. On our way back seeing a horse and a woman riding it on the other side of the river. Then all of a sudden a cop, out of no where, but we , or I for that matter, just kept walking; smiling and feeling my feet upon the earth. Oh, how I miss this so! I just kept saying over and over to Sach out loud “doesn’t this feel SO good in the woods Sach?” “Mommy really loves it here and has been missing this for a long time.” He whined about wanting to leave. Then I said, “Sachi, this makes mommy feel good and a better mommy. Will you stay longer? It’s really good for us to be here. It helps you as much as it does me. Let’s play over there in the creek again like yesterday.” He protested, but as I was walking along on my own, with him leading before me.
I said to myself, “Oh, God, this feels SO good!” I almost teared for how pleasurable it felt JUST WALKING in nature; as if I was numb to its feeling for these past 6 years after the major event; the feeling of being shut down from a trauma so intense, all sensations of pleasure were only felt to a minimum, and now the ability to truly feel again; even at the level of nature….the pleasure of bliss inside my body, and a tingling sensation of movement that felt like my heart had an orgasm, and even the chakras running all down my body. It was a pleasure I hadn’t felt in years.
I, being the youngest women I knew to embrace the psychic path, before it became a popular and common thing in the Spiritual communities, before yoga became known or even Reiki, I was doing ALL of these things, and doing it at a very young age, and developing empathic abilities, channeling abilities and intuitive abilities others around me were jealous of. All of these gifts disappeared after the rape (not completely, but to a large degree), and now, the feeling of sensing the nature spirits, the feeling of my crown chakra lighting up, my heart chakra having an orgasm and a feeling of my entire being filled with BLISS ~ ~ just from walking through the woods, gives me hope, gives me something VERY much to look forward to. A psychic Healer who became a Goddess, who was raped and practically numb to the spiritual world, but feeling pleasure after meditation and a clearing with another, now reclaiming my power as a Mother Earth Goddess and beginning the process of self pleasure, self full body orgasm on my own. This is my love, and this is ONLY the beginning!
There’s a fine distinction between love and sex and a fine distinction between sacred tantra and prostitution, but one of which I do NOT cross over!
I often give of myself very easily and let myself be immersed in the moment, but when a Seeker is asking of me to de-robe immediately upon his arrival, I have to question who he is and his motives. Is he a stalker and not to be trusted? Is he only looking for instant gratification and has no ability to be respectful of the female body? Is he filled with rage and angst that he cannot so much as be patient enough to wait until the right moment, when, and IF, there is an appropriate moment to de-clothe that which is utterly sacred to me?
Those who are seeking instant gratification, immediate satisfaction, unwilling to do the work to get to the end result, having no patience for themselves let alone another human, not creating a sacred and spiritual environment, in my eyes are not to be trusted, and in many cases be warned that they might only harm again.
I’ve allowed many to expose of themselves in front of me, and that is of their own choosing, but when expected of me to do the same at the same moment and with no boundaries upon what feels right to me, that is the exact reasoning I choose to armor myself more; or in other words, keep covered what I feel might be concluded to fall prey. To those wanderers who have nothing in mind other than the dark form of sexual arts and eroticism, I banish you from this body. And, if you EVER choose to have respect, I have MUCH to teach you.