The past two days I’ve spent with a Beloved Goddess friend who is in training to be a Womb Belly Goddess Healer and possibly Mid-Wife. She inspired me to start this blog about a month ago, but the first writings turned into a powerful healing of the sacred womb and the divine wounded feminine within me.
Remembering the moments we took the walk fills me with peace and a renewed faith that all that happened before truly can be transformed. We walked with my son into the woods, and came upon a rock that filled my pores and my senses. He headed down one path towards one large rock while sister Goddess and I both spontaneously jumped on this gorgeous rock before us and opened our legs to let the rock and the earth fill our bodies with love and grounding our energies to its mountainous form. We were literally allowing the rock to fill our bodies. I slowly began remembering myself as the Mother Earth Goddess and who it is I am. I listened to my body open. I felt my body feel, even slightly again. We went to the waters and bravely removed our shoes as we all trekked in the freezing cold water. That lasted only a couple minutes before we decided we would rather stand above water and be warm then be filled with freezing water.
We all gathered walking sticks to embrace our natural Shamanic Earth power, even when not in nature; as this is something I need to re-embrace in my life, having chosen a home close to the city; when my heart and spirit need the nature so deeply.
My son and I returned the next day alone. I wanted to be filled with the nature spirits, and Earth energy as much as possible, and as my sons school was closed for the week, I wanted to take advantage of the time I had with him. However, he was crying for an Icee the whole time we were in the woods and being cranky from having just awoke. So, as the Mother Goddess that I am, I picked him up and carried him on my back after about fifteen minutes into the woods. We walked near to the end of the trail and saw another family. Then we turned around. On our way back seeing a horse and a woman riding it on the other side of the river. Then all of a sudden a cop, out of no where, but we , or I for that matter, just kept walking; smiling and feeling my feet upon the earth. Oh, how I miss this so! I just kept saying over and over to Sach out loud “doesn’t this feel SO good in the woods Sach?” “Mommy really loves it here and has been missing this for a long time.” He whined about wanting to leave. Then I said, “Sachi, this makes mommy feel good and a better mommy. Will you stay longer? It’s really good for us to be here. It helps you as much as it does me. Let’s play over there in the creek again like yesterday.” He protested, but as I was walking along on my own, with him leading before me.
I said to myself, “Oh, God, this feels SO good!” I almost teared for how pleasurable it felt JUST WALKING in nature; as if I was numb to its feeling for these past 6 years after the major event; the feeling of being shut down from a trauma so intense, all sensations of pleasure were only felt to a minimum, and now the ability to truly feel again; even at the level of nature….the pleasure of bliss inside my body, and a tingling sensation of movement that felt like my heart had an orgasm, and even the chakras running all down my body. It was a pleasure I hadn’t felt in years.
I, being the youngest women I knew to embrace the psychic path, before it became a popular and common thing in the Spiritual communities, before yoga became known or even Reiki, I was doing ALL of these things, and doing it at a very young age, and developing empathic abilities, channeling abilities and intuitive abilities others around me were jealous of. All of these gifts disappeared after the rape (not completely, but to a large degree), and now, the feeling of sensing the nature spirits, the feeling of my crown chakra lighting up, my heart chakra having an orgasm and a feeling of my entire being filled with BLISS ~ ~ just from walking through the woods, gives me hope, gives me something VERY much to look forward to. A psychic Healer who became a Goddess, who was raped and practically numb to the spiritual world, but feeling pleasure after meditation and a clearing with another, now reclaiming my power as a Mother Earth Goddess and beginning the process of self pleasure, self full body orgasm on my own. This is my love, and this is ONLY the beginning!