Loving a Man Who Won’t Commit

Loving a man who Won't CommitIt is important for women to be treated and adored for who we are, but is even more important that the man (the main man if you are polyamorous or have an open relationship) we are with eventually choose us fully, make a decision and commit. Loving a man who won’t commit eventually wears on us and tears us down. We start to resent them, regret our choices and spend our time and lives dreading the choice we made in being with him but also torn because our core wants him to just commit fully already.

Some women don’t care about marriage, and are happy being free-spirits for the rest of their lives, but many women prefer the latter. I myself, spent the last 8 years waiting for the man I love to finally choose me, settle down, pick up the plate in his career and get us a place to move in together. As a tantrica who has been trained in the sexual healing arts, and has been giving for a long time deep healing for others, it has been devastating to be the one who didn’t get what she wanted.

Do you know what happens to a woman’s yoni when she is not being fully embraced in her love and her sexuality and supported to go really deep with her true beloved? Her yoni (womb/sexual organ) clamps down. It disappears into itself, and instead of expanding outside and being fully open, orgasmic and ready for love, her flower gets tight and hides. Many times a woman’s flower hides out of fear, or anger or sadness, but sometimes it hides simply because it is not being seen. Just as she is not being seen, so too is her yoni! They go hand and hand and together when they are supported and loved, they both also rock the world and ignite anyone who is near her!

Loving a Man who Won’t Commit and women’s sexuality are like partner’s in crime. In order to fully ignite your sexuality, choose everything that works for ‘you’, and life will bring you flowers!

Boundaries Guide to Intimacy

boundaries guide to intimacyBoundaries guide to intimacy, and they truly do guide one to that most vulnerable place inside us. Boundaries show up often as a guide to let us know what feels safe, how comfortable we are, to show us where our limits are, and what will be supportive to allow us to go deeper. When there has been any trauma in the past, it is particularly important to honor those boundaries, and as you do, you will then be supported to go deeper in the moment and surrender into intimacy, connection and love!

Usually when there is “any” trauma from the past, one will have very strong boundaries, or they won’t have ANY at all. It is crucial that we look at where our boundaries stand; whether being too much or too little to eventually come to the place of balance. When we don’t look at this part of ourselves and just live as though we are the way we are and don’t question our behaviors, feelings or actions, there is no opening for growth.

There are many practitioners of sexual healing who got into that field to heal their own sexual wounds, many who have had trauma, and many who have no boundaries in their work. It is important, before taking on a practitioner, that you know they have done their own personal work of healing before you can trust that they can support you and help you in yours. Many may believe they have done all their healing work, but in truth, the journey to growth never ends, and it is imperative one is open to continuing their personal work.

There are those who are not practitioners, and yet they are highly sexual, have many affairs, work in highly sexual professions. Sooner or later it is important to look at any wounding from the past, and for those who are very guarded, and really need to protect themselves to open up to love, to trust these feelings, and to allow them to help you grow.

If you’re in a relationship with a man, and he cannot honor your boundaries, allowing any intimacy in the relationship is going to be extremely difficult and he may end up blaming you for not being sexual. His lack of knowledge or understanding, or willingness to listen to your inner teacher may be the catalyst to your relationship, as you are the woman and know what feels right for you, and your guidance will allow the relationship to blossom as the two of you go deep together in your intimacy practices and feeling into each others bodies to allow the connection to blossom.

Arguments may show up as he wants to become sexual immediately, and you as a woman need to take your time and trust each moment and feeling. Your body, your heart, your sensuality is your guide, and is your tool to create great and lasting intimacy and love!

(See main Tantra and Healing site at TrueTantra.net)

Women Honoring Your Body

Women Honoring Your BodyAs a woman, you know when you want to be touched. You know when you are feeling open to receiving love, nurturing and comfort.  You don’t need someone else telling “you” when “you” are ready for their touch.

Often, men in our lives like to tell us how things are going to go, and by things I mean intimacy.  Many men want to control the show.  They are usually ready immediately for intimacy,  so of course, they think that your timeline is the same. They are sadly mistaken. Men can be turned on by simply looking at a photo, or looking at a pretty woman walking by, or seeing their wife or girl friend dressed up pretty on a date. When it comes to men in their private home, lingerie is all it takes. However, as women, and women in particular who are in touch with their feelings, their sensations, their energy, emotions and their bodies changes, we don’t drop into connecting so easily. We need a little foreplay, a little love, a little conversation, and a little reason for going deeper.

Women liked being touched gently on their hand. They love having their man brush his fingertips gently through her hair and they want to know with every ounce of her breath that the man she is with loves her. We are not a quick fix to their sexual frustrations, and we are not going to just take care of their needs because they want us to.  We want to feel it deep in our bones that we are loved, and then, maybe, we’ll get closer. But it’s a woman’s choice; always!

Women’s bodies are the natural embodiment of Goddess itself. She has all the knowledge and wisdom inside of her. Not every women knows she has this innate wisdom, but she does. It IS there, and has been there all along! It is our voices that need to be heard, and it is the men in our lives we need to hear that voice. Otherwise, we might just keep that Goddess power to ourselves. Only men who truly can honor us, love us, respect us, and appreciate the depth of who we are, are men that are worthy of touching us. And in no way, is it ok to allow your man to grab you and do with you what he will, without “your” consent; without “your” permission. A woman has the word, and if it does not feel right to her, the connection with her beloved will feel it too. If he has does his inner work, and is in touch with his own feelings, he will feel hers too, and then he will be a man who can surrender to his truth, as well as give back the love to a woman what she deserves!

When You Want Your Husband and Someone else shows up!

When You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows UpWhen You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows Up. This is the pitfall of many relationships. A woman is craving connection with the man she loves, and what happens is that her man is unavailable. He’s busy or preoccupied, or his interest has dwindled and he has other concerns and things he wants to focus on. She’s deeply saddened and desperate to gain his attention, but he’s always somewhere else, emotionally or physically.

In a Polyamorous Marriage this is perfectly fine. There is an agreement between both partners that they are allowed to be with other lovers, so long as the structure of the relationship is maintained. However, if the foundation of the marriage is rocky, or there has been very little connection, intimacy and commitment between the two partners, straying from the marriage can feel like cheating, or in Christian terms “committing adultery”.

When you’re in love with your husband (or significant beloved) and there is no intimacy, your heart tears up inside. You want his commitment. You want his willingness to do what it takes to be there for you, stay by your side and give you his all! But when you have waited and waited for him to show up in this way, and all of a sudden someone else shows up, most of the time, it is like God giving you the gift you have been waiting for! You fall prey to this new amazing being that you are so deeply drawn to, and your wish has been granted.  Then the big question is: what do you do next? Do you continue to wait for the man you deeply love, or do you continue to fall into the arms of another? How long are you truly willing to wait? If waiting is putting your life on hold, perhaps waiting is not what your supposed to be doing anyway. Perhaps, you ARE supposed to be enjoying life and just surrender to what life gives you!

Read more posts for women at HealingSacredWoman.com

Intimate Love with Your Partner

Intimate Love with Your Partner

Intimate love with Your PartnerMost people dream about being close to the person they love the most. They often wake up from dreams in the morning of their wife or husband that they are distant or separated from; just succumbing to the what’s so. Their heart aches to be close to them; even though their mind often tells them they don’t like this about them, or that, or that they’ll never agree or be able to compromise on anything. Couples often stay in the wishful thinking stage, or suppressing their truest hearts desires and just accepting that the relationship won’t get any better, when in fact, this is simply not true.

Perhaps you are blaming yourself for your relationship being distant, or you are blaming your partner, and put all your anger on him or her.  Perhaps you’ve given up on the relationship all together because you don’t know what’s possible, and you end up believing what you truly desire is not possible at all.

Many women stay in an unhappy relationship, not knowing how to change things, or their partner and wishing he will change. Many men don’t make an effort at all; even though they tell themselves they want to heal the relationship or be close to their wife, and go to a mistress, a sex parlor, an erotic salon, a sex surrogate, or an escort just to try to fill the void and lack of intimacy they are getting with the partner they really love. They make no effort to heal the root cause; nor try to heal their own issues so that his wife might fall back in love with him all over again.

But what men and women both crave deeper than anything in the world, is to feel a deep intimate connection with the person they love, that they married or are in a committed relationship with. People don’t want to have to go to other lovers, or temporary affairs to avoid the pain of the distance with their partner. What their heart craves more than anything, is to be held and caressed in the arms of their lover, their wife or husband and to know that the person they deeply love, cares for them, accepts them, and deeply desires them and loves them in return. It is a dream come true when their beloved can return their love to the man or woman they are the closest to, and fall in love all over again with the same person.

It is totally possible that you can fall in love again, with the same person, and in fact, fall in love with this same person over and over again! I can help you fall in love again, and remove the emotional pain, blocks, upsets and disappointments that have gotten in the way of the innocent freshness and intimate love you deserve!

Pink Tantra

Tantra and Intimacy

Tantra and Intimacy

Tantra and IntimacyYou’re in bed with your hunny, and she’s laying on her side, facing the other direction. You’re horny as a firecracker and you can’t seem to get anything to make her turn over and make love to you. You wish you could get some satisfaction and pleasure her and feel fulfilled yourself.

You had an argument earlier that day. In fact, you have many arguments many days and they seem to go on and on. Now that you think about it, this has been going on for months, maybe even years. But you’re still that horny little fire cracker you were when you first met. Your Sexual drive is as high as its ever been, but the love between the two of you is missing. You wish you could just make love and have it all go away, but that never seems to work. And, now you’re laying in bed, its late at night and you have the perfect opportunity to make love, and she isn’t into it. (or you aren’t).

When it comes to Tantra, anything will turn you on, but when it comes to intimacy, someone’s heart is broken and you don’t know why or how to mend it.

Schedule a Session in Relationship Coaching, and together, we as a Team, can discover what is in the way of having the intimacy you desire and turn that relationship around!

Once we’ve tackled the Relationship, then we can go to work on Tantra Training or Healing Sessions and have the Ultimate Relationship of YOUR DREAMS!!!!

A Thriving Relationship

The difference between a thriving relationship and sinking a rocky boatA Thriving Relationship

Being pro-active ~

Turning your relationship to amazing:

 
Impeccability

Being Responsible – & Being Willing to be Wrong

Trust

Integrity

Honesty

Vulnerability

Acknowledgment

Honoring Your Word

Surrender

Kindness

Consideration – Putting the Others Needs First

Respect

Selflessness – Giving without Receiving – Loving

Being Present

Listening

Patience

Flexibility

Speaking the Truth & Communicating

Being a Team, supporting each other even you you’re not around, your dreams, visions, goals and desires

Being lazy ~
Turning your relationship to sour:

 

Judgment

Expectations

Placing Blame

Holding Grudges

Trauma or Being Incomplete with your past

Anger or Resentment

Comparing

Lack of Acknowledgment

Taking for Granted/Assuming they will always be there

Not Appreciating

Being Lazy, Procrastinating or not Following Through on what you said

Needing to Be Right

Lack of Commitment – Doing Everything but spending time together

Selfishness – Only Considering how you feel, expecting to get what you want, getting your needs met and not the others

Attachment

Jealousy/Possessiveness

Manipulation

Keeping Secrets & Lack of Communication

Doing what you want, despite what the other person feels. ~ A Solo Team

It’s much easier to be lazy than to be pro-active, but if you want to keep your relationship, revitalize your intimacy and be filled with love, there are some things to consider.

People Don’t Want True Tantra

People Don’t Want True Tantra

 People Don't Want True Tantra

It saddens me that in our majority of our culture people don’t want true tantra; nor do they know what true tantra really is. The sex industry, and the porn industry have bought the term tantra, so most people in our society believe it to be something it is not truly meant to be. There is a fine line between tantra and the sexual and that’s where it gets confusing, but most only understand it to be a sexual practice, and not a yogic one. However, true tantra has the foundations and deep training of simple yogic philosophy, emotional healing, chakra healing, energy clearing, deep breathing, meditation, pranayama breath work, awareness and true surrender to the emotions and deep journeying of the emotions in the body. All of these things are NOT sexual at all. However, they are tantric. Many would say that going deep into the emotional process is not a tantric practice, however, if you study enough, go back far enough in the ancient teachings, get shamanic training with the ancient ancestors, and do your spiritual training LONG enough, you will discover the power in it and that in fact it is a tantric journey. Because EVERYTHING is tantric. Everything has to do with surrendering deep enough, and long enough into the self, and that is a Yoga practice.

However, many yogi’s in our culture believe that they need to abstain from the sexual, and that incorporating the sexual into their yogic practice is like breaking a rule, just like in the Christian or Catholic Religion says to abstain from sex until marriage.  In the end, this Yoga Teaching and the restriction of Christian Religion almost is the same thing. Neither are about honoring your true natural body and your true heart.  They want you to control it.  However, yoga is tantra, and tantra is yoga. It is about surrendering to the body, the feelings, the energy, the emotions and the space of what is. That makes the term tantra unlimited, and controlling its definition is impossible. Just like limiting the term tantra to just the spiritual is impossible as well. However, tantra is sacred, and many who believe to know its meaning automatically and immediately want to take it to the place of the sexual, and this is not sacred.  Assuming it will go there, or forcing it go there, and trying to control it is certainly NOT yogic and certainly NOT spiritual, nor is it sacred.  And I found that in working as a Tantric Healer for SO long that many did come with the thought in the back of their mind that they had to control the situation if it was not going the way they had planned or expected. However, when one comes to learn tantra, they are in fact coming to learn yoga, they are coming to learn of their true emotions, their true nature and their true energy patterns. True tantra is mastering the psyche, but also mastering ones energy, ones breath, ones body and using it as a tool to expand themselves to a full capacity of deep love from within. That is it! When these experiences open someone up to the point of feeling deep pleasure from within and it comes naturally, it is tantric.

However, when one comes and expects the erotic with no background of the spiritual, they are NOT asking for tantra training. They are in fact asking for erotic training. They are different. And, others could argue that erotic training could be tantric, however, without the spiritual component and without any base of spiritual background, they will not have their roots firmly planted. They will be putting their seeds in the wrong garden and the spiritual garden of love will not grow. It will be sitting on the sideline waiting for someone to water it, but it will eventually wither up and  die, because the erotic garden got more attention. It is possible to access love through the erotic, but only when those seeking the erotic come to the place to realize that their heart needs nurturing and love and they choose to pull back and go deeper within their feelings. Then their heart will shine and they will have balance. However, by this point they will have to surrender their ego’s and re-learn the true meaning of tantra, and they may have hurt a lot of people they cared about along the way, or could have cared about as they realize all the damage they have done. They will have a lot of people to reach out to and apologize, or try to clean up any mess they made by forcing their sexual needs onto others. However, when one starts their practice by going deep into the yogic journey and true spiritual development, there will be less hearts broken, less messes to clean up and they will develop their skills gradually and become the true healer/lover/friend/yogi they have always wished to be.

I would SO love to meet those who truly want to learn true tantra, and truly want to go deep into their personal healing journey. For those, I have much to teach and much to share!