Desire After Being Single

desire after being singleDesire After Being Single

What happens after you’ve spent a long time being single after a breakup? I know there are many of you out there. You end a long term relationship with someone, for very psychological reasons, and choose to be alone to get over them fully, not jumping into a new relationship out of fear of being alone. You are perfectly content with being alone, and don’t choose to get involved with someone creating what they call a “rebound relationship”. Your desire starts coming back, and you want to make the right choices with who to be with. This is more a Relationship Coaching post (that I would normally post on MyLoverMyBestFriend.wordpress.com), however, there are also elements of Tantra in it as well.

You have a craving for passion, and yet, aren’t finding partners you feel aligned with, are not a good match, or perhaps aren’t even attracted to at all. Perhaps you’ve become more serious, or want to choose more seriously, not jumping into something out of lust or sexual frustration. However, you also have needs. You are a human being. Needs for pleasure and desire are perfectly normal.

What have you done to take care of those needs? What you choose to do, hopefully is done out of healthy reasons. Some, I’m sure will go to bars, strip clubs, and some men out there even go so far as calling a prostitute, a surrogate, or sexual healer. However, those aren’t always an option, and sometimes they are not good choices.

Going to Cuddle gatherings is a great way to receive the nurturing touch you need, and perhaps find a new play partner at the same time.

Finding someone who is willing to be a cuddle buddy, or be a buddy in general is a great solution.

Finding a friend who is a casual connection and there is a attraction as well, is a great way to support that need for passion and desire.

Perhaps you want to find someone who would love to do a massage trade is a good answer.

Perhaps joining a group of something you’re interested in.

Perhaps a poly group, a swingers club, or even a book club.

And, some like to go to events such as Om (Orgasmic Meditation) through One Taste to fulfill their needs.

And others like to just hang out with friends, looking for that special someone and practice orgasms for one.

Whatever you choose, know you are not alone! There are others out there too, and you can find ways to fulfill your desires in your way, and in your own style!

How Do You Nurture Yourself?

How Do You Nurture Yourself?

how do you future yourselfHow Do You Nurture Yourself?

How you nurture yourself all depends on what it is you are dealing with in your personal life.

Are you dealing with health matters?

Are you having relationship challenges and feeling your partner at arms length?

Is your family avoiding you and ignoring you or your feelings?

Are you having a higher level of stress and anxiety than normal?

Are you feeling more angry than normal, more tired than normal?

Are you feeling isolated, alone, sad?

How do you nurture yourself in these different situations? They each have different paths one would take to feel better, heal, come to solutions or happiness depending on the circumstance.

The first thing that is helpful is to do a daily meditation practice. You can start with 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, or 30 minutes. Just that short window of time will make you feel so much better. some people like to jump in and start with an hour. If you have the time, go for the hour. If not, try a smaller time frame.

Then do something that’s going to nurture your soul, perhaps a new spiritual practice, such as yoga, chakra healing, reading a spiritual book, learning about angels, crystals, breath work, or even getting acupuncture, massage or a reiki treatment.

Another excellent practice is drinking a specific tea that is helpful for your situation. There are many teas on the market, and many you can make at home. Most teas are made with natural herbs and are a cheaper solution than buying multiple bottles of different herbs, or oils. Herbs and essential oils can be costly when buying in bulk, but teas are very affordable. Try to match your situation with the type of tea that would be helpful for that. If you don’t know, try seeking a tea expert, an herbalist, or feel free to reach out to me for suggestions.

Next, write down everything that is going on. It is very helpful to write down your feelings, and using your writing as a sort of therapy. Writing is very cathartic and sometimes when you write down what you feel, what happened, and the situation, it can help you let it go and feel so much better about things. Then you are able to move on from it, and almost feel empowered that you expressed yourself. Some people don’t like to write, but try pushing yourself a little, via a wordpress document, in notes on your computer, or even writing in a spiral notebook or nice journal book. It sometimes feels very good to write things down with a real pen or pencil. It touches a different part of the brain and releases energy pent up in your throat and lower chakras, believe it or not. It’s not going to have the same benefit as a meditation, or chakra healing, but it is still quite powerful.

Are you an artist, musician or do you like doing things with your hands? This could be a great way to nurture your inner self, and help get through a challenging event, experience, or point in your life. You don’t have to be an expert. As long as you do it, put your heart into it and are intentional, anything you do can be helpful, and in the end, amazing!

What is it you are dealing with? Talk to me here! I’m happy to respond!

Vulnerability into Pleasure

vulnerability into pleasureVulnerability into Pleasure

Many people think tantra is just a term and an excuse to be sexual and erotic.
That is the furthest from the truth of what tantra truly is.
The purpose of tantra is not to be erotic
But to be loved.
How is tantra a path to feel love, but not feel erotic?
The answer is, it’s both.
Safety and love must come before feeling sexual, period.
If someone tries to feel erotic before feeling safe and love,
they’re skipping too many steps ahead.
Go back a few steps, and you might end up where you want to be.
Maybe you don’t need to feel safe.
Maybe you don’t have a single bone of softness in you.
Maybe you can jump into the sexual, before the sensual.
There is a layer of vulnerability there, you are unwilling to see.
Consider every human has fragile emotions.
You might just be covering yours up with erotic energy.
Slow down a little bit, and you’ll feel love energy.
Give your partner a chance to catch up to your sexual energy,
and you’ll both be a match
And intimate love will never be the same.

Do you feel anxious, irritable or frustrated?
What is it you are not letting yourself feel?
What are the feelings that are hiding underneath the surface?
What emotions are you hiding from?
What feelings popped up in a moment, and then went away soon after?
The pop up feelings are a clue. Dig deeper.
Surrender to them. Breathe into them. Feel them.
Notice. Investigate. Become a detective to your own feelings.
Is it anger? Breathe into anger.
Is it sadness? Breathe into sadness.
It is regret? Breathe into regret.
Is it despair? Breathe into despair.
Is it joy? Breathe into joy.
Is it love? Breathe into love.
Any feeling you feel, and breathe into, will make the feeling bigger, and either move through your body and let go, or feel more love, more joy, and more pleasure as you breathe into them.
Breathing into anger, despair, regret, sadness is loving them, and they will surrender, breathe through you, drop into nothingness, and transform into pleasure.
Tantra is a path of healing.
What is it you are healing today?
What parts of yourself are you expanding?
How will you shift vulnerability into pleasure today?

No one is ever going to be the same energy level at exactly
the same time every time you desire it.
Someone is going to have to slow down and be patient for the other.
It’s never about forcing someone to meet you where you are,
But always about surrendering to meet them where they are.
Are you surrendering to your Beloved?
Are you making them feel safe, or threatened?
Are you putting frustration onto them, or love?
Can you go deeper into surrender with yourself?
With your lover?
It just might turn your frustration into bliss.
Don’t forget to breathe.
The breath is the key!
It is your vehicle. Your teacher. Your friend. Your lover.
Your life force. Your heart. A connection to your soul
Something SO much bigger than you.
It is your gift!
And you have it with you all the time.

Note: Read this again after meditating, and it will make more sense!

Love, Asttarte