Healing Sexual Wounding and Divorce
I’ve been working with someone for the past few months and the issue around old partners who walked in with other lovers have come up, feelings of rejection, feelings of secrecy, abandonment, and being alone. When you’re going through a divorce, there may be A LOT of layers that come up around your ex-lover. There may be feelings of loss, rejection, abandonment, fears and a deep loneliness that shows up.
If your ex was very secretive and there was little communication about how he or she lived their life, and they put up walls of protection to keep you from knowing who they really were, then they may feel rejected, lied to, unloved, unsupported and mis-understood. All of these layers can take weeks and sometimes months to unravel and work through.
Be honest about how you feel. Ask your partner to be honest about how he or she feels. In order to build trust with someone new, you have to let go of the layers with the old.
There is no rushing the process. However, you feel in each moment is important to process. If you have a partner, a beloved, a lover, or a therapist to process these feelings with, it is crucial to get the help to release these deep seated feelings. Eventually they will leave, release, and you will feel more whole than you ever had before. Please be patient with yourself. Once you’ve opened the flood gates, there’s no going back, but the journey to get to the other side is not an easy one. Have patience on yourself and on the ones you love!
When I say Dominance and Submission, I’m not exactly talking about sex, or BDSM. That comes later; much later! I’m talking about behaviors that are overbearing, dominant personalities, and being in Relationship and communication with someone who overpowers you, thinks they are the only one in control, and don’t let you get a word in. I’m talking about people that dominate to the point that your feelings don’t even matter.
I’m also talking about people in relationship who are dominant types, who take leadership to a place of love, compassion, and can direct others with kindness, and surrender when their partner wants to speak, and have a turn to share in conversation; ones feelings, needs, desires, wants and expressions. So there’s Dominance from a lower vibration and angry place, and there’s dominance from a higher vibration, from a place of love, the heart, and leading with integrated power!
This is in fact a very BIG subject, and one that deserves a lot of conversation and discussion. And is something in fact I may have a live talk about in one of my presentations, more articles and a book on this topic. But here now, I want to point out that 1. people can choose to use their powerful personalities to manage, control, and manipulate those around them, or try to, and 2. people can choose to use their powerful personalities to lead others into surrender, to feel safe, to open their hearts even deeper and use grace and love!
It takes a very strong person, and very balanced person to lead with love, and it does not come overnight. This ability takes work and years of self reflection, personal development and transformation of ones identity and ego. It takes going down the rabbit hole to the pit of ones fear, ones rage, ones despair, shame and sadness, and transform at the depth and core of ones psyche, over and over again, and come out feeling compassion, overjoyed with love, appreciation, acceptance, and humbleness!
These are two separate topics here: Dominance and Force, and Dominance and Love!
Dominance and Force has side effects of feeling overpowered, hurt, blamed, degraded, abused, feelings neglected, feelings of hurt, repression, lacking empathy, kindness or understanding. Often the people in these roles are Narcissistic, mentally ill, have unresolved childhood traumas, may have a psychological or mental imbalance, may be alcoholic or drug addicted, they may be Avoidant Personality types or Anxious Attachment types that have not done their deeper work and process work of being humble, kind, an inability to be submissive. They may have unresolved issues with their parents, have hidden and repressed feelings of rape or feeling violated, either emotionally, mentally, psychically or physically. They just may not have not done enough of their own healing to be willing to let go of control.
Dominance and Love is not exactly the same as Dominance and Submission. Dominance and Love has to do with having the ability to be a leader, teaching others to understand something, leading them through something, but then also the willingness to surrender and let go of control when the person learning, receiving and being submissive feels the need to respond, react, or has emotions and feelings they wish to share in the moment of their learning from the dominant person. When the submissive feels safe, heard and lead through something in a powerful, clear, and yet loved way, it allows the receiver to feel able to surrender to what the leader/dominant is offering/teaching/coaching/or sharing. In any case, when a submissive feels safe, they can go deeper into surrendering in the moment. This is only possible when the leader is dominating and leading from the heart, with love, grace, ease and kindness.
Dominance and Submission is more about the entire concept. There are roles that a Dominant falls into, in the scenario where one is leading another (which can be teacher, healer, lover, coach, etc). And there are roles that a Submissive falls into, which can only be done when the person who is Dominant helps the person who is Submissive feel loved. If the person who is Submissive also has not done their personal healing, is on the defensive, in reaction, has up their guards, walls, is angry, unwilling to take coaching, shy and unable to express their feelings, and respond with love, neither the Dominant nor the Submissive will have a happy balance between the two. And, hence, no one will get either of their needs, wants, wishes, feelings heard or granted! It takes two to Tango! And in the balance of the Dominant and the Submissive, it takes TWO!
More to come!
Couples Marriage Coaching
I’m thrilled to announce I’ve been doing more Couples and Marriage Coaching Sessions! Some couples choose to come see me separately and one on one, and some choose to see me together. While, I am great at one on one coaching, I am even better with couples! When someone comes to me privately, my focus is on helping the individual, and all the issues they are dealing with. However, not all the issues may be obvious when they come alone. I only see one persons perspective this way, and will always take to their side. When they come together, my goal is to support both individuals, and I have a bigger picture to work with, and an awareness of whats going on from both perspectives, and hence, a much bigger understanding of the healing that is needed.
I then pick up on the joint energy between the couple, the joint patterns, the joint triggers, and all the work that is needed to heal a relationship can be done right there on the spot. I still start with a gentle breathing or meditation practice, then move into coaching for each individual, and conversation of course will happen for both sides; taking turns. We may move into forgiveness practices, acknowledging the other partner, eye gazing, breathing together, and emotional processing that is needed for each person that is at the core of the feelings inside of each of them. If we can move beyond all of these practices and the issues have been resolved, then we can move to the next stage of healing for your beloved and your relationship.
I still teach Tantra and Spiritual practices, however, they come after we have sorted out the major obstacles that are keeping your relationship separate or distant. Just like private sessions, working with the couple, both parties need to feel like they have gotten the support they needed, and each persons feelings are taken into account, as well as each persons individual issues and triggers. If the issues go beyond my abilities as a Coach, and the person needs more clinical help, we will discuss how I can be helpful alongside this, to continue the growth and healing of the relationship.
Both people in the couple must want to heal their relationship in order for the relationship to improve. If only one person wants to heal, and the other does not, we will address that in session. Or, if only one person thinks the other needs to work on them-self, and the other does not, we will find out if this is true, and how one in the couple can help the other to heal or grow. Sometimes, the support of just knowing your Beloved cares about you and wants you to be happier and feel better, and being a witness to your growth is all it takes. And sometimes, this inspires the other person in the relationship to realize they need to look at them-self too!
The cycle of making the other partner wrong is at the core of all relationships! When you can take personal responsibility for your half and how you are being with your partner, most obstacles melt away!
When To Go Past Dating
How do you know when to take your relationship past the dating point? How do you know when to start kissing, being intimate, or becoming sexual? If you want the relationship to last, and not be just a sexual fling, it is often best to avoid deeper acts of sex and intimacy until you know for sure the relationship feels solid. There is that rocky stage in a new relationship where you want to be intimate, but you also want it to be the real thing. How do you know how long to wait and when to go past dating? Do you wait one month, three months, or four? Timing can be everything for each couple, and each individual.
It is crucial to discover how serious the person you are dating is, especially if you want something serious. And if you find out two months in, they don’t want anything serious, its much easier to walk away if you haven’t had sex. But what if you have? Then what do you do? Do you walk away as soon as you know your goals are different? Or do you wait it out to see if perhaps the other person is not sure yet?
Most of the time, if someone tells you in the beginning of a relationship, that they don’t want anything serious, you should really listen to them. If they tell you they just want to have fun, or want to remain celibate, or are not looking for long term commitment, you should take whatever words they say literally. Their actions may be different than their words, but its the words in the very beginning that define how they will truly be later. If someone hints to you that they “think” maybe they are Bipolar, or that they have had a history of being afraid after things start to get serious, and hide or pull away, LISTEN to them! All of these initial honest clues will impact the rest of your relationship, and if they told you these things from the beginning, you WERE forewarned!!!
If your date, warned you about some major things that would impact your dreams of a healthy and serious relationship, and you didn’t listen, that’s your fault! You need to be the one to walk away, and you need to be the stronger one; not them. They are wounded, scared, conflicted, confused, or perhaps just a jerk. You need to be the wise one! And choose whether to go past dating and of deeper into the relationship, or end it!
It is best NOT to have any sexual intimacy with someone until you know for sure who they are, their habits, beliefs, goals, if you could be good friends, if they are healthy, if you are compatible, and if you can really see yourself with them for the long term. When you jump in right away, not truly discovering their true colors, things get sticky and challenging, and it only causes more pain later. Be smart, and wait. Trust your gut, and listen to your heart!
Why Men Pull Away
What happens when the man you love starts losing interest. He doesn’t know how to show his feelings, or perhaps he chooses not to. Why men pull away and why does this downward spiral start happening? What can you do to avoid it?
Perhaps something gets triggered in him. You, as a woman pick up on this. You can sense it, feel it, and may even know why. But he may not. And men don’t like to be told what they are thinking, let alone what they may need to heal. They want to figure it out for themselves. They want to be left alone, and perhaps to sort out their own feelings in their own time. But we as women, don’t like to feel her man pull away. We get hurt too, from their distance, their absence and can sense something is wrong. However, to let him work through whatever it is that he may be feeling, perhaps is the best solution.
Men don’t want you to be his therapist, or healer. They want you to love him, hold him, nurture him. And, it can sometimes take weeks, or months of his distance of going through something. He wants to just know you are there for him. He wants to know you care, that you back him up, and can be patient.
Often, men like to know that the woman they love, will stand strong and proud of him, not insulting him, or making him wrong, and just believe in him. Why Men Pull Away: They want to feel secure and confident in their selves, and in the choice they made with their woman. In many ways, perhaps, they like to know that the woman he loves, will stand proud of him, as his mother did. And, if she cannot hold that security and confidence in him as his first female love did, perhaps his adult love is not good enough for him.
This then, is what starts the cycle to a man’s absence; feeling unaccepted, feeling invalidated, feel insecure, losing his confidence in himself, losing his power, when he loses control, and feels a woman doesn’t accept him as he is, wants to help him, fix him, change him, heal him. If he feels he can’t take care of his woman, doesn’t have the inner strength, courage, power, financial or emotional, and feels powerless over the situation. If he begins to feel these things within himself, and his woman triggers these feelings in him, often he will pull away from her. Many men don’t know why they feel this way, and his woman will want him to feel happy, strong and powerful, but not know why he doesn’t, or not know that her words can sting him into a hidden cocoon.
How can we then keep the man we love by our side? Empower him, support him, accept him, encourage him, love him…to be all he wants to be, whether thats loving you, or choosing to run miles away.
More to say on this…please comment if you feel guided.
Perhaps this is a post more geared for women, but I’m sure men will find benefit also. And, please comment if you have any response, feedback or opinion.
Relationships and Fear
It’s amazing how after a relationship has gotten to a point of feeling so amazing that the connection is divinely pure, harmonious and feels magical, that once words are put on this, the relationship falls to the gutter. Perhaps people can’t handle putting words to what is happening. They see it as a threat, or they are afraid to admit what is actually going on. I call this a Love Poison. How can one person in the relationship feel so incredible and when words are shared, their partner feels like running and hiding?
How does this start in the first place?
Both partners are happy, filled with bliss, love and magic, and the connection feels beautiful. They hold each other often, kiss often, give each other affectionate touches and glances, and then the words cause one person to retract, or contract within themselves.
I’m going to go into Attachment styles again here. There are some people in our society who have a Healthy Attachment. This is when as a child, the infant and toddler received love and attention from the mother and primary parent, when it was desired, when the child cried, and asked for help. There was a balance of give and take and the child’s needs were met with ease, not too much, and not too little.
When a child was smothered and given too much attention and the parent was worried and frantically jumped to their childs needs right away or even before it was asked, the child can then become anxious. The child can also become anxious if he or she waited around crying constantly and not feeling heard, or feeling ignored and not having their needs met at all. They can then become anxious as well.
If a child was smothered and given attention all the time, even when it wasn’t wanted, the child can then become avoidant as an adult. If a child was forced into being affectionate, or yelled at by the parent, and didn’t want the affection and didn’t do anything wrong, but the parent is hyper possessive and protective, perhaps insecure or angry, it can also cause a child to become avoidant.
These three dynamics are just a subtle difference, but can cause all the difference in the child and eventual adult. And, most people don’t know where their behaviors stem from. They think they have to remain this way for the rest of their life, or at the most, manage it.
In the book, Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner, it talks about the different attachment styles, and how to understand a partner who is an avoidant, and be more supportive to his or her emotional style. In the book, Anxious in Love, it talks about a person who becomes Anxious and how to heal oneself from this style and put less pressure on your partner who is not anxious, as well as exercises a couple can do together. I’m going to be studying more about this psychological concept on my own, and will share my studies here as inspired. Another good book, for the anxious adult, who grew up with absent parents, (emotionally or physically) is a great book called: The Emotionally Absent Mother; a guide to self healing and getting the love you missed.
Often, adults who have already healed traumas, childhood abuse, or perhaps a mental illness, would be ready to heal this type of treatment. If there are still unresolved traumas, or abuse within the system, one may not be ready to take on healing their core attachments with their significant caretakers. It takes many layers to unravel the self, and each process has its value and importance. When one is ready, the attachment style is a journey very worth undertaking, and leads one towards beautiful and healthy relationships, perhaps for the first time in their lives. I wish everyone to have the courage to heal all the layers of them-self, and to trust that each stage they are in, is exactly where they are meant to be!
Sexual Astrology and Relationships
Sexual Astrology and Relationships. So, I’m going to get into a little Astrology here. When it comes to relationships and our sexual desires, astrology runs the show! We may think that its our minds, our hearts and our bodies that run the show, and that is certainly part of it, however, astrology is the ruler behind all of it.
So, let me share the signs.
If your Venus is in Aquarius, you will pretty much do whatever you feel like. Venus in Aquarius loves everyone, and they don’t exactly like to be tied down to anyone in particular either. Venus in Aquarius likes to be free, they like to party, have fun, and be like a child always. They are a friend to all, and don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings either, but they will always make sure their needs are met, even if they are attempting to make others happy too. And, in the end, no one can make anyone happy but them-self, and they try to stick to this motto. They are best with lovers who can accept them in their need for freedom, or they will move on to someone else.
If your Venus is in Pisces, you are the Intuitive Lover! You’ll be easily moved to emotional connection, and your emotions will guide you to your sexuality. If you are in love, and your feelings are hurt, your arousal may be quickly turned off. However, you are a water sign, so if you have a lot of passion, a lot of water will rise and bring your passions back alive. Pisces is the sign of the sensitive lover, and they feel everything inside of them. They move often like water, so in order to keep up with them, its best to try to move with them. Pisces is the kind lover, so they will often think of others before thinking of them-self. Whatever the other partner wants, they will do what they can, to make them happy.
If your Venus is in Aries, you may be quick to decide to be involved with someone, get sexual very quickly, and just as quickly decide you don’t like them anymore, and not put much effort into keeping it going. Aries is a fire sign, and can get hot very quickly, anger, frustration quickly, and sizzle out just as fast. So, the best way to keep a Venus in Aries in your life, is to not make them angry, or do what you can to make them fall back in love all over again.
If your Venus is in Taurus, you might be very committed, sensual, and loyal to the core. Taurus is the tantric master, and are very grounded in their love making, like to move very slowly, are the leaders of foreplay, and can take as long as needed. They don’t like to share their partners, and consider their partners their own possession, so they would not want to go out searching for extra lovers, even when troubles arise.
If your Venus is in Gemini, you might be a very talkative lover, you may love to laugh and giggle in bed, and be prone to making your lover laugh as well, or talk their head off and they may want you to “shut up” sometimes. A Gemini Venus would be a very creative lover, and more detached. When a relationship ends, it might be easy for you to move on and go to the next partner. They would have an easy time with polyamory, and less clingy or possessive than other signs.
If your Venus is in Cancer, you would be very clingy to your lover, not want to share at all, and feelings would get hurt easily. Venus in Cancer would have a hard time with polyamory, and may not even think of it. Family comes first with Cancer, and they may want to include their relationship into their family, and if they cannot include their partner into their family, they may not feel as though the relationship is a good match. Venus in Cancer in bed, may want to cuddle for hours, make love for hours, and hold onto their lover for a long time. They are very affectionate, sensitive, and emotional.
If your Venus is in Leo, you may want to run the show, lead the bed-style so to speak, and take charge of your sexual interactions. Venus in Leo would be very loyal, and proud of their partner. Leo likes to be playful, child-like and innocent. They are kind, giving and selfless. They too would not want to open the relationship to others. Leo’s are loyal, committed, and usually stay with their partner for a long time.
If your Venus is in Virgo, you may be the most detail oriented lover there is. You may have an idea of how you want your sexual interactions to go, and be very clear they are the best, and if your lover does not surrender to these desires, there could be problems. Love making to you will be like art, very precise, beautiful and divine. You would be best matched with another venus lover in an earth sign , like Venus in Capricorn, Taurus or Virgo (or possibly the water signs of Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio). Venus in Virgo would not want to be polyamorous. They are happiest with a committed partner.
If your Venus is in Libra, your desire for harmony and balance overpowers everything else. Your sexual drive will most likely be high. You are an air sign, and will be aroused through the intellect. You are best matched with other creative signs. Venus in Libra would be very romantic, and do what they can to keep the romance alive. In relationships, you want everyone to be happy, so if your partner is not happy, deep down, you cannot be fully happy either. You will do everything you can to make all people involved feel equally loved, supported and nurtured, whether it is a one on one relationship, or more.
If your Venus is in Scorpio, you will be the most possessive, controlling and demanding lover there is. You will be prone to go down dark paths, and do mysterious acts such as BDSM, bondage, torture play, blood play, knife play, anything kinky and wild, possibly journey torture chambers, hand cuffs, all kinds of sex toys, swingers clubs, or anyplace you can show up with your lover in chains, and more. Venus in Scorpio does NOT want to share his or her lover, and will do everything wild and eccentric to make their lover happy. Venus in Scorpio wants to be the boss, and once you are in their web, they don’t ever want you to leave. If you have an affair however, and they find out, their anger will take over, and they will shut you out of their cave forever. Forgiveness does not come easily with Scorpio, and you may be waiting a very long time.
If your Venus is in Sagittarius, however, you have the most free lover there is, even more so than Aquarius. Venus in Sagittarius likes to be the leader, but they are also the least detached emotional lover there is. They like to bring spirituality into their relationships and love making, and bring a sort of transcendental enlightened wisdom to the bedroom. They love big, but do not want to be held down. They are best with a lover who can honor their power and their need for freedom. They need to be held to the highest degree of their power and freedom, and if they are not, they will move onto to another partner who can appreciate and honor this aspect of them. It is a part of their soul and they cannot be anything else. They are best matched with another Venus in fire or air signs.
If your Venus is in Capricorn, you have the sensual sexual energy of Taurus, and are also extremely tantric, however, the grounding of taurus goes deeper with capricorn, and they are like ice and stuck like glue to their chosen lover. Once they have fallen in love with a partner, they want to mate for life with this partner. They immediately have desires of marriage, commitment, family and children. And, when troubles arise with the relationship, even after many months, they still keep their heart tied to the same partner, and will work through any challenges that arise to keep that love alive. It is very difficult for Venus in Capricorn to share their lover, or move on, even when it seems obvious to everyone around them it is time to let go. Venus in Capricorn, in their heart, mates for life, and even if they have a new relationship, will love their ex lover as though they were together just the day before! (They are best matched with other earth signs or water).
So, find out your true Venus sign, and you will know who you really are in the bedroom, and all the lovers you have ever been with!
Inspired from studying Jyotish Astrology lately, after studying western astrology since 1984.
There are moments that give us opportunities to look deeper, ask further and give rise to something greater!
A recent event happened at the end of June, where I was in a very intimate encounter with a man, whom I felt very safe with, adored, and made me laugh often, and out of the blue after we made love, he put a pillow over my head for a few seconds. I couldn’t breathe, and when he lifted the pillow, I said, “You deserve to be smacked!” He said, “Oh its not a big deal. Don’t worry about it!’ Well, after numerous conversations with numerous coaches and my therapist, I decided I ought to jump in to truly healing my rape from 2005, at a much deeper level than I had before.
My therapist believed this to be a new trauma, however, from other conversations, I believe it was a re-visiting of the old, and a reminder, to go deeper, and a decision was made, “I’m am ready to remove this from my body completely and do whatever it takes to take out any reaction from any future encounter.”
I decided to go to a group therapy/education meeting in Philadelphia, and this has been eye opening. From all the Transformational Coaching conversations, my body was still having reactions as though that event in June stirred up something that happened just yesterday. I had to deal with those reactions all of July and now being August. My performance in my Leadership Training has dwindled, and I’ve experienced exhaustion, being checked out, and a new desire of writing the story from 05, and a book to truly help other women! I felt pain in my womb area and lower abdomen all last week, to the point I thought I needed to go to the hospital. They found nothing, and said, “You are perfectly healthy,” and suggested to follow up with a doctor. And on Sunday morning, after having 4 women from my leadership training stay with me TO BE SURE I did the weekend course, it dawned on me, I was angry and really sad, and that realization brought tears to my eyes, and the pain in my female area lessened.
The women’s meeting today was eye opening. There were women in there much worse off than myself, one’s trauma who had only just happened a couple months ago, and another who developed multiple disorders and diagnoses due to her experiences. I found myself truly wanting to help them, give them support, listen and be sure they said what they needed say.
This only proves my desire to write my book even stronger, having women’s gatherings even stronger, and my stand for women even greater! I will conquer this. I am conquering this, and I will help many women who need it!
As a woman who’s a survivor, sometimes things happen in our lives that re-trigger old wounds and bring things back up. Many times we think we are over something that happened in our past, but when something to another seems subtle, and to the survivor it brings back memories of feeling overpowered or violated, we are definitely not 100% over it! I noticed this in my own journey. I am a woman who has conquered much, however, sometimes there are moments of weakness, and I’m learning to use these moments as teachers, as a guide to transform yet again.
After the recent event, when I was in an intimate moment, and a man I was involved with, to him casually put a pillow over my head and I couldn’t breathe for a couple seconds, to me it was the exact thing that triggered me into my old trauma. I said in the moment, “You deserve to be smacked!” after he moved the pillow from my face, and said, “don’t take it so seriously. It was just a joke!” I said, “no, it certainly was not a joke, and not funny!” And, perhaps to some, it may have been seen as a form of Dominance/Submission, as it was only a couple seconds. However, to a survivor, you don’t treat a woman this way, as it definitely will re-activate something dormant. I was hoping I was resolved with this myself, however, it got me present to realize, perhaps I am not totally complete, and that even though I can live my life fully, when these moments happen, it is so important to seek the help one needs to help with the triggers.
Without these moments, one cannot become aware of what is hidden, and perhaps others around you see all the time. And, so I will take action yet again, and do what I myself need to do, to help, to let go, and to return to love!
During times when a woman is re-triggered into rape, what do you do? How do you help her, Or, how do you help yourself?
Things I have done to help when the triggers show up:
~Be Gentle with Yourself, don’t judge yourself as wrong for not being complete, or for having a reaction that to others may not affect.
~Do Yoga as your daily self love practice, meditate, gentle yoga and breathe!
~Call a friend, a loved one, a therapist, a coach, a healer, or if you are religious a priest/someone you trust and feel safe talking to.
~Drink calming tea
~Go for walks if you have the energy
~Rest, watch a movie or read a book if you’re tired
~If you’re a parent, let someone else take care of your child for a while to help you process
~Get flower essences, healing herbs and massage
~Journal, write, and records your feelings, your thoughts and your dreams!
~Cuddle with someone you love!
~Trust, this is just a moment in time, it will soon pass!
“Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior, and you’re stronger than anything life throws your way.” ~Brooke Davis
It is important for women to be treated and adored for who we are, but is even more important that the man (the main man if you are polyamorous or have an open relationship) we are with eventually choose us fully, make a decision and commit. Loving a man who won’t commit eventually wears on us and tears us down. We start to resent them, regret our choices and spend our time and lives dreading the choice we made in being with him but also torn because our core wants him to just commit fully already.
Some women don’t care about marriage, and are happy being free-spirits for the rest of their lives, but many women prefer the latter. I myself, spent the last 8 years waiting for the man I love to finally choose me, settle down, pick up the plate in his career and get us a place to move in together. As a tantrica who has been trained in the sexual healing arts, and has been giving for a long time deep healing for others, it has been devastating to be the one who didn’t get what she wanted.
Do you know what happens to a woman’s yoni when she is not being fully embraced in her love and her sexuality and supported to go really deep with her true beloved? Her yoni (womb/sexual organ) clamps down. It disappears into itself, and instead of expanding outside and being fully open, orgasmic and ready for love, her flower gets tight and hides. Many times a woman’s flower hides out of fear, or anger or sadness, but sometimes it hides simply because it is not being seen. Just as she is not being seen, so too is her yoni! They go hand and hand and together when they are supported and loved, they both also rock the world and ignite anyone who is near her!
Loving a Man who Won’t Commit and women’s sexuality are like partner’s in crime. In order to fully ignite your sexuality, choose everything that works for ‘you’, and life will bring you flowers!
Boundaries guide to intimacy, and they truly do guide one to that most vulnerable place inside us. Boundaries show up often as a guide to let us know what feels safe, how comfortable we are, to show us where our limits are, and what will be supportive to allow us to go deeper. When there has been any trauma in the past, it is particularly important to honor those boundaries, and as you do, you will then be supported to go deeper in the moment and surrender into intimacy, connection and love!
Usually when there is “any” trauma from the past, one will have very strong boundaries, or they won’t have ANY at all. It is crucial that we look at where our boundaries stand; whether being too much or too little to eventually come to the place of balance. When we don’t look at this part of ourselves and just live as though we are the way we are and don’t question our behaviors, feelings or actions, there is no opening for growth.
There are many practitioners of sexual healing who got into that field to heal their own sexual wounds, many who have had trauma, and many who have no boundaries in their work. It is important, before taking on a practitioner, that you know they have done their own personal work of healing before you can trust that they can support you and help you in yours. Many may believe they have done all their healing work, but in truth, the journey to growth never ends, and it is imperative one is open to continuing their personal work.
There are those who are not practitioners, and yet they are highly sexual, have many affairs, work in highly sexual professions. Sooner or later it is important to look at any wounding from the past, and for those who are very guarded, and really need to protect themselves to open up to love, to trust these feelings, and to allow them to help you grow.
If you’re in a relationship with a man, and he cannot honor your boundaries, allowing any intimacy in the relationship is going to be extremely difficult and he may end up blaming you for not being sexual. His lack of knowledge or understanding, or willingness to listen to your inner teacher may be the catalyst to your relationship, as you are the woman and know what feels right for you, and your guidance will allow the relationship to blossom as the two of you go deep together in your intimacy practices and feeling into each others bodies to allow the connection to blossom.
Arguments may show up as he wants to become sexual immediately, and you as a woman need to take your time and trust each moment and feeling. Your body, your heart, your sensuality is your guide, and is your tool to create great and lasting intimacy and love!
(See main Tantra and Healing site at TrueTantra.net)
As a woman, you know when you want to be touched. You know when you are feeling open to receiving love, nurturing and comfort. You don’t need someone else telling “you” when “you” are ready for their touch.
Often, men in our lives like to tell us how things are going to go, and by things I mean intimacy. Many men want to control the show. They are usually ready immediately for intimacy, so of course, they think that your timeline is the same. They are sadly mistaken. Men can be turned on by simply looking at a photo, or looking at a pretty woman walking by, or seeing their wife or girl friend dressed up pretty on a date. When it comes to men in their private home, lingerie is all it takes. However, as women, and women in particular who are in touch with their feelings, their sensations, their energy, emotions and their bodies changes, we don’t drop into connecting so easily. We need a little foreplay, a little love, a little conversation, and a little reason for going deeper.
Women liked being touched gently on their hand. They love having their man brush his fingertips gently through her hair and they want to know with every ounce of her breath that the man she is with loves her. We are not a quick fix to their sexual frustrations, and we are not going to just take care of their needs because they want us to. We want to feel it deep in our bones that we are loved, and then, maybe, we’ll get closer. But it’s a woman’s choice; always!
Women’s bodies are the natural embodiment of Goddess itself. She has all the knowledge and wisdom inside of her. Not every women knows she has this innate wisdom, but she does. It IS there, and has been there all along! It is our voices that need to be heard, and it is the men in our lives we need to hear that voice. Otherwise, we might just keep that Goddess power to ourselves. Only men who truly can honor us, love us, respect us, and appreciate the depth of who we are, are men that are worthy of touching us. And in no way, is it ok to allow your man to grab you and do with you what he will, without “your” consent; without “your” permission. A woman has the word, and if it does not feel right to her, the connection with her beloved will feel it too. If he has does his inner work, and is in touch with his own feelings, he will feel hers too, and then he will be a man who can surrender to his truth, as well as give back the love to a woman what she deserves!
As a Parent, you have a lot of responsibilities. There are many people in your life that you need to consider how they feel, but you must not forget, in particular as a woman, how important you are, and how imperative it is in getting your own needs met. Women who avoid their personal, intimate and sexual needs often start out as being irritable, then they move to disgust and anger, and eventually they go numb. They can spend many years forgetting that their body is in need of touch, and live life unfulfilled and with a huge void where pressures of their children, work, and their external family become more important. They then live in a reality where their intimate selves are completely pushed under the carpet and they don’t even know that they exist. Their bodies become armored, stiff, stuck in a cave hidden to their own passions; their own pleasures and most importantly forgetting their inner hearts and the love that is deep inside of them.
This then sets up a trap for her husband, her co-parent in action and they then move from lovers to perhaps best friends or business partners. They justify their lack of intimacy that their children are more important and “they really need us right now.” However, consider this: when you are unhappy, when your body is guarded, when you are not seen as a sexual beautiful woman or are not letting yourself be seen as a beautiful woman of pleasure, joy and power, your children will feel this. They will feel your suppression. They will feel your anger. They will feel your frustration, because most likely, you will put more energy into the children. You will react more to their behaviors and become more disciplinarian with them. And this then sets up another trap; your children avoiding you, or becoming distant from you; the one thing you truly did NOT want to happen.
Children who see their parents in love, sharing love, and experiencing love with each other grow up to view intimacy with others in a more natural healthy way. When children grow up viewing their parents; their direct most important and significant teachers, avoiding each other, giving each other the silent treatment or in other words not speaking about topics that are crucial to their relationship, to their sexual life and to their family, the children learn from this. They grow up thinking it is okay to keep secrets from people, that it is ok to avoid the people they love, that it is normal to not be close to the people they love, and this then sets them up for failure. They lose their self in this reality of what they believe to be true. They have no other role models that are more important than their parents. And when you want to be a good parent and a good teacher to your children, express your sexual self to your husband, your Beloved, your Lover and don’t make him your friend or business partner.
If you have young children, of course you want to express your full sexual desires in the bedroom AFTER your child is asleep, however your affections with each other after the fact bring long term affects, to each other and to your children. The love you bring to each other gets shared and spread out throughout your whole family. Everyone will feel it, and EVERYONE will benefit.
I am here to inform you all that it is NOW a new time ~ the creative artist that I am, and the entrepreneur that I am is excited to share with you – the ending of one cycle and the beginning of a new one!
As many, or perhaps some of you may know the dark places I had to go. Well, I went there, dealt with it (as each layer arrives), and now I am renewed. Being a Goddess, an Empath, an Artist and a Healer makes it VERY important that I HONOR each and every time my being/my Spirit/my presence/my heart requests of me to go inward. And so inward I go, and in the process I may disappear for a time, but without going inward, I could not continue to be available to you. So, in essence it is an exciting time! To constantly feel the flow of my body, my spirit, my heart and the opening and expansion each time it happens ~ the flow, the peace, the joy within my body each and every time I get to come out of the healing period and share the deep love I am experiencing for myself WITH YOU!!!
This recent inward period, I felt an orgasm in my heart chakra. My heart literally fluttered and tingled with a sensation of joy ~ right in the center of my chest, and then I felt a POP; like a balloon of energy was circulating around my heart and the POP literally popped out whatever armor was there, and I literally, as I am psychic in my own way, saw the energy expand outward all around my body and into space and time, as I was in nature a couple weeks ago! And then only a few moments later, felt a full body orgasm as I was taking little steps onto the dirt in the woods, and my whole body waved in sensation of love; like a dance, and then I felt my crown chakra open at the deepest capacity it has been in MANY MANY years. Then, as if by surprise, I felt the energy of the Earth all around me. I felt the energy of the trees, the dirt, the rocks, the wind and the awe of nature. And it was mesmerizing!It was NOT a sexual orgasm. It was a Spiritual Orgasm, and one I had not planned or done ANY spiritual exercise to create! IT JUST HAPPENED, all on its own! WOW! What a sensation of bliss, and what an experience worth sharing!
So now, I am working on merging my reclaimed spiritual power (as you see here: http://healingsacredwoman.com/2011/05/10/newfound-spiritual-power/) and creating a workshop for Couples and a Women’s Workshop. I am here to tell you, the women of the world NEED your love! As a man, as most of you are, you must learn how to get through your wives feelings. She needs you, and she wants YOU to help her; even if she doesn’t know it, or speak it. She’s desperately calling out for your help, but gentleman, as many of you are, it is a test; a challenge for you to learn how to become that TANTRIC HEALER she needs you to be. I challenge you to come to see me with your Beloved, and let me help you heal the wounds that are keeping you apart! Women and men speak different languages, and I am here to help you learn her language so you can truly have the intimacy you desire and deserve! I will be writing more on this, and calling out for help, to help the men understand, learn and become Healers on the planet, so the women can shine and be glorious beside you!
I have only 1 or 2 weeks left of my Master Coaching Training. I shifted my project from the book to the Women’s Workshop because of what came up for me, so as soon as I complete the project of the workshop, I will be working on the writing of the book mentioned in a previous blog, and perhaps the journey of being a Healer who was raped, and a tool to help men help the women they love!
Amazing Video for Empowering Women!!!
Here is my first video I made on the Dynamics and Approaching a Woman in your life. There will definitely be a Volume 2, and so on to this, and I may at some point re-do the 1st one and create an Introduction instead. However, this is the 2nd video I made. Like I said, these are the baby steps to creating videos. I may be getting some professionals to help out of this, or I may just get better at doing this myself. I’ll be playing with different lighting, backgrounds, and spacial arrangements to see what is best, but the delivery is good. I hope you enjoy this, and find it, at the least, a bit helpful.
I was not looking at notes in this one. I was just looking down while I was thinking and choosing my next words. I sometimes pause to think of what I am going to say next. I like the distance of my face the best in this, but I will be creative with this process with you, and am happy to make changes as people recommend things to try.
I am in the process of creating a Video for the Book: Mystery of Women, and will be working on getting this succinct. I am enjoying this journey of sharing what I love to you, and hope you are enjoying my journey of giving it just as much!
Every month women go through a cycle of change within their bodies. They have no control over the changes they are experiencing within. They often don’t know what is happening underneath their skin; until all of a sudden they explode with a rush of adrenalin and excitement onto their loved ones, or the innocent recipient as their mirror standing, or listening right before them. Women have powerful surges of emotions that can change from the hormones that go through the upheavel of arousal to its peak, and depletion and sizzling at the hormones come to a place of rest and completion of their cycle.
However, every month, there is the potential for the women to take charge of these feelings. They have the opportunity to observe their bodily changes; their every day moments of expression, and their energy level from a heightened joy and excited energetic response to a stillness from within; a calming agent that makes them rest, sometimes hybernate and perhaps all too often become lethargic or melodic in their rest. Women often have a passion to ignite the release by means of exercise to wild sex; all the way with a fierce power for periods of time, all the way to a gentle feminine power and calmness.
The people around these Goddess’s during their time of changes, all too often don’t know how to support the woman. They themselves may be moved into anger or confusion, and sometimes sadness that they cann’t help her, or doubt in their abilities to be of service; rejecting their own power and strength that they are capable of giving to her. So, the women need to take charge, and until she knows she needs to create balance within her hormonal changes, she cannot rise to the occasion and take care of her bodily experiences.
When a Goddess is consumed by her past, and has not healed all of the hurt inside of her, she may not know that what she is dealing with, is a normal and natural change of her hormonal response. She may need to heal within her hurt, her pain, her anger, sadness or trauma prior to the need to heal the imbalance in her body. Many women in our culture are on “the pill” so their ability to sense the changes within their bodies is limited to the strength of the medication she is on, or perhaps, if she has leveled out and feels at peace with her monthly pill, she may have some awareness of the changes she is experiencing, however, when a woman has gone all naturelle, she will feel ALL of her EVERYTHING that her body experiences, so long as she has healed all of her inner wounds, grief, feelings of her past, and so on from within. Once she has accomplished this, I want to say CONGRATUALTIONS and here are soem things to consider for creating balance on a monthly basis, and help those hormones come to rest:
YOGA FOR PMS
Yoga is general is so wonderful for the body, but there are some specific poses to help the female body expand herself from the inside, and get her circulation moving at a powerful level, and give her a little boost of self love! Some simple yoga poses that stretch the inner thighs, the stomach and the lower back are great for the woman to remind herself how wonderful and beautiful she truly is. BKS. Iyengar has a great Yoga book for Health, and the sequence for PMS is a great place to start!
Moonstone is an excellent stone for the symptoms of PMS and female health. Pietersite is great for balancing the hormones. Kunzite is awesome for calming the mind, dissolving negativity, and protecting the wearer from unwanted energies. It also stimulates sensitivity, sensuality and circulation.
It helps one to be open, strong, loving and vibrant. Tiger’s Eye is excellent to help one feel confident and strong about themselves; along with onyx. they can lift you right up out of a bad mood! Chlorite is an angel stone and great for circulation, a similar vibration to kunzite and the two together have many more benefits than what’s listed here. Blue Calcite alone is great for calming one into a space of peace and love. If no other methods are done, here is something simple to do and add as an aid to meditation, to carry on you, or in your sleep.
Ayurvedic Medicine is a science all unto itself. Consider getting tested to find out your chart and what dosha you rate highest. Most people are a combination of all three dosha’s, but one or two is highest. Once you find out your score, you can take the advice of what it recommended for your type and eat, and live in accordance to what will help you balance the most! It is based off of a score of Kapha, Pitta and Vata, and usually one of those will be your natural tendency, and one or two may be out of sync. There is a diet recommended for each type and I highly recommend trying it during, before and after your moon cycle. It may also keep you balanced the whole month long!
There are some great herbal teas for the female cycle, to balance the energies in the womb, to aid in circulation and health for her female organs and to calm the body and mind. Herbology can be so powerful when utilized and understood!
Meditation alone can help to calm those nasty nerves and still the mind that often overworks during the height of female hormones. Just sitting for 5 minutes to 15 minutes in the morning before doing anything else, can completely create a day of peace, and when done throughout the day, it will help to maintain this place of balance. Use of a rosary, mala beads, a witches ladder or buddhist prayer beads can help throughout the entire day, but do remember to get the basic things done that are necessary while continuing to come back to your heart!
EXERCISE OR WALKING
If you’re in good shape or you enjoy the feeling from exercise, and it doesn’t harm your body in any way, take up a little walking, or other exercise regime for even 20 minutes a day. It will help keep your spirits high and give you a boost of energy to get your work done.
If you have the means to take a bath; alone, without little children running around disrupting you, it is so refreshing to soak in the bubbles, and add your taste of essential oils to your homemade sauna. It is so worth waiting for at the end of the day, and for those lucky ones, anytime you want!
When you have a man who offers his strong hands on your body during the week or so before your moon, it is so great to just lay back and surrender to the healing he can offer you. When you don’t have someone to give to you easily, consider asking a friend, using self-massage techniques, or treat yourself to a nice relaxing massage (at any place of your choosing). It is so helpful and enjoyable during the time you need it most!
There are a few products out there to help with hormonal balance, and if you’re comfortable with taking herbal remedies, tinctures, essential oils, teas and any thing else above, herbal remedies will be a great addition to balance out your entire nature and help those hormones gain balance and control. Gaia Herbs is a great company and comes out with an herbal remedy for Women’s Balance, and a great product at theforgottenfoods.com under Women’s Health called Sacred Womb. I also highly recommend the Nutritional Almanac!
If you have any other ideas and you want to add it to this list, please make a comment on this blog, or write to me directly. I will add your suggestion per our conversation and gladly offer it to the women who read this blog! Thank you so much for reading. And I look forward to connecting with you again soon!