Why Men Pull Away

Why Men Pull Away

 Why Men Pull Away

Why Men Pull Away

What happens when the man you love starts losing interest. He doesn’t know how to show his feelings, or perhaps he chooses not to. Why men pull away and why does this downward spiral start happening? What can you do to avoid it?

Perhaps something gets triggered in him. You, as a woman pick up on this. You can sense it, feel it, and may even know why. But he may not. And men don’t like to be told what they are thinking, let alone what they may need to heal. They want to figure it out for themselves. They want to be left alone, and perhaps to sort out their own feelings in their own time. But we as women, don’t like to feel her man pull away. We get hurt too, from their distance, their absence and can sense something is wrong. However, to let him work through whatever it is that he may be feeling, perhaps is the best solution.

Men don’t want you to be his therapist, or healer. They want you to love him, hold him, nurture him. And, it can sometimes take weeks, or months of his distance of going through something. He wants to just know you are there for him. He wants to know you care, that you back him up, and can be patient.

Often, men like to know that the woman they love, will stand strong and proud of him, not insulting him, or making him wrong, and just believe in him. Why Men Pull Away: They want to feel secure and confident in their selves, and in the choice they made with their woman. In many ways, perhaps, they like to know that the woman he loves, will stand proud of him, as his mother did. And, if she cannot hold that security and confidence in him as his first female love did, perhaps his adult love is not good enough for him.

This then, is what starts the cycle to a man’s absence; feeling unaccepted, feeling invalidated, feel insecure, losing his confidence in himself, losing his power, when he loses control, and feels a woman doesn’t accept him as he is, wants to help him, fix him, change him, heal him. If he feels he can’t take care of his woman, doesn’t have the inner strength, courage, power, financial or emotional, and feels powerless over the situation. If he begins to feel these things within himself, and his woman triggers these feelings in him, often he will pull away from her. Many men don’t know why they feel this way, and his woman will want him to feel happy, strong and powerful, but not know why he doesn’t, or not know that her words can sting him into a hidden cocoon.

How can we then keep the man we love by our side? Empower him, support him, accept him, encourage him, love him…to be all he wants to be, whether thats loving you, or choosing to run miles away.

More to say on this…please comment if you feel guided.

Asttarte

Perhaps this is a post more geared for women, but I’m sure men will find benefit also. And, please comment if you have any response, feedback or opinion.

LoveSexandTea.com/Love/Love-Coaching

Take Time to Love Him

eye gazing

Do you make the time to be alone with your beloved husband or boyfriend (or girlfriend if you a lesbian)? Do you create quality time despite the fact that you have a job, or a family, or a career, are self employed, need to go grocery shopping, do the laundry, meet with your girlfriends and relax just to be with you, or any other number of reasons you would keep distant from the most important person in your life? And speaking of reasons, we ALL have plenty of reasons for being alone, for being single, for creating separation or distance from our loved ones, but we ALSO have many reasons for choosing to create connection with them as well.

Perhaps you’re angry at your partner, or ex, and you are now choosing to hold onto resentment because you don’t trust anymore, or you are wallowing in self pity, perhaps you’re blaming them for your problems, or all your friends cheer you on that he/she was the asshole! Whoohoo, let’s bash down our most precious partner to make us feel justified that we were right. That feels OH so good! BullS!!!! Do you really want to be putting down the one person you are more connected to in your heart? Does it truly make you feel good about yourself that you’re pulling away because you’re angry? And perhaps, just perhaps they aren’t even angry at you at all. It’s you who has the anger or resentment in your heart. And that truly does just eat away at you. You can be filled by the energy of anger for months and even years, and it surely will give you lots of energy to continue to put down any potential of connection or love, but the rewards are SO much greater when you can shift and transcend this energy into forgiveness and then love, and allow this same person you have deeply cared about all this time back into your heart!

When you take the time to love the person you LOVE, what will you receive:

  • A knowing of forgiveness and an opening in your heart
  • The potential of falling in love all over again!
  • Peace of mind, joy and serenity
  • bliss
  • the return of GREAT sex
  • more energy to do the things you WANT and need to do
  • understanding of each other on a greater level
  • a best friend
  • knowing yourself at a greater level
  • better sleep
  • a calm mind
  • a sense of ease and satisfaction
  • LOVE!!!!

When you take the time to love the most important person in your life, you’re not only giving him/her the greatest gift, you’re also giving it to yourself as it returns back to you MULTIPLIED!!!!

I honor and celebrate all who can fall in love over and over and over again, or those who want to experience this to know IT IS possible in any moment. It’s your choice! Always, always choose love! It’s the greatest gift of all! And right now in our world, love is the greatest treasure to behold and the gift that will allow us to continue to shine! WE are our future, and our future is NOW! Choose love, and love will choose you!

Blessings and love and Namaste~

The Man as Woman, the Woman as Man

The Man as Woman, the Woman as Man

imagesWhat do you do when the man is more like a woman and the woman is more like a man? Where does this come from? Is it a genetic mix up? Is it past lives?

When your man acts more like a woman; hyper sensitive (even more than you), and squirms at the tiniest little changes, or communication that might stir up his emotions, what do you do? Do you wonder, does he have a mental illness? Is he on hyper alert? Was he abused as a child, neglected, or is something else going on?

And, when you love him, how do you keep your center and your ground to support him through his hyper emotions?

One thing I would start with is to give him time. Give him space. Let him have his tantrum. Know it is not you. He is a very emotional guy and he needs a lot of time alone. He will work through this pout in his own time, and when he is ready he will show up again.

Are you willing to put up with his emotional tantrums, or would you rather walk away?

Sometimes you can get SO irritated from your man’s running away, or hyper alter sensitivity that you would MUCH rather have a guy who can hold you in your power; hold you in your love. And, perhaps you DO deserve that, but you can still choose to love those who also might not be as strong as you would prefer.

The benefits to a man being so sensitive:

He may actually understand when you are going through something that is NOT directed at him. He may be able to talk to you deeply about your process. He may be willing to be there for you to comfort you in times of your own sadness, or premenstrual process. He may truly get it when YOU yourself need space and be able to give that to you without taking it personally.

If you have to do all the work; all the compromising, all the accepting, forgiving, letting go, you may very well have good reason to walk away. And, what would be SO powerful and supportive for you is to have a group of friends to talk to, a support group, a Meetup Group to go to, a 12 Step Program perhaps (Al-Anon), a church Group, your family if you’re close to them, or a Counselor or Therapist to talk to. You want to talk to people who are going to be supportive to your goal, and not try to pull you away from what you want, but also people who are going to help you gain your power, hold you in your strength, offer a listening ear, and a compassionate voice.

Forgiveness & Acceptance

Forgiveness & Acceptance

forgiveness and acceptanceI heard a story today of a woman who shared her experience with her ex-husband. She had been dealing with a custody battle for years and came to feel as though none of her inputs, feelings, or concerns were given any consideration. She had an agreement set up with her ex-husband on the days he would be with her children and the days she would be with her children.

The holidays are coming and she had said, “I don’t have a good experience with the holidays and I always look forward to when they are over.” Her ex-husband knew she was to spend Thursday with her children, but he then asserted that he was going to take the children that day. Then he casually mentioned that he was also going to be taking the children to someone in his family on Saturday, when Saturday was also a day scheduled for her to be with her children.

It was a situation I could not do anything about, other than listen. And, as I heard her speak, I heard more and more of my own situation that I USED TO have, that I now NO LONGER have. I wanted to offer her my suggestions and perhaps a new viewpoint that might help her. She sort of was playing the victim role and didn’t seem to realize how she was being responsible in the situation. She was blaming, acting entitled, was judging and holding onto the pattern of this relationship and how it had been going on for years.

If I could put my two sense into this situation for this woman, I would ask her to consider how she is being is responsible; if she can see how he feels, what she is still holding onto from the past, how she is blaming, judging, nitpicking and playing the role of the victim. She is playing the advocate for helping women who have gone through divorce, but it seems her heart is very much still hurting and she covers it up with a powerful confidence. My hope for her, is that she learns to forgive him, accepts the situation, learns to listen, and can one day surrender to this mans feelings. This may be the one thing that could bring peace to her family, and perhaps friendship between the two of them, instead of animosity!