Desire After Being Single

desire after being singleDesire After Being Single

What happens after you’ve spent a long time being single after a breakup? I know there are many of you out there. You end a long term relationship with someone, for very psychological reasons, and choose to be alone to get over them fully, not jumping into a new relationship out of fear of being alone. You are perfectly content with being alone, and don’t choose to get involved with someone creating what they call a “rebound relationship”. Your desire starts coming back, and you want to make the right choices with who to be with. This is more a Relationship Coaching post (that I would normally post on MyLoverMyBestFriend.wordpress.com), however, there are also elements of Tantra in it as well.

You have a craving for passion, and yet, aren’t finding partners you feel aligned with, are not a good match, or perhaps aren’t even attracted to at all. Perhaps you’ve become more serious, or want to choose more seriously, not jumping into something out of lust or sexual frustration. However, you also have needs. You are a human being. Needs for pleasure and desire are perfectly normal.

What have you done to take care of those needs? What you choose to do, hopefully is done out of healthy reasons. Some, I’m sure will go to bars, strip clubs, and some men out there even go so far as calling a prostitute, a surrogate, or sexual healer. However, those aren’t always an option, and sometimes they are not good choices.

Going to Cuddle gatherings is a great way to receive the nurturing touch you need, and perhaps find a new play partner at the same time.

Finding someone who is willing to be a cuddle buddy, or be a buddy in general is a great solution.

Finding a friend who is a casual connection and there is a attraction as well, is a great way to support that need for passion and desire.

Perhaps you want to find someone who would love to do a massage trade is a good answer.

Perhaps joining a group of something you’re interested in.

Perhaps a poly group, a swingers club, or even a book club.

And, some like to go to events such as Om (Orgasmic Meditation) through One Taste to fulfill their needs.

And others like to just hang out with friends, looking for that special someone and practice orgasms for one.

Whatever you choose, know you are not alone! There are others out there too, and you can find ways to fulfill your desires in your way, and in your own style!

Arousal as Energy Movement

Arousal as Energy MovementArousal as Energy Movement

What happens after a relationship ends, or you have taken an enormous amount of time to be alone? (The relationship might as well be over if that’s the case). And definitely the case if your partner had a fear of intimacy. (Search the keyword Intimacy for more posts on this topic).

What happens to your body after you’ve gone through the grieving and letting go process, and you’re ready to start dating again, or having an interest in connecting with others after all that time?

What usually happens, is your body will start telling you that you are ready. It will have desires with certain people you are attracted to, or give you sudden urges and nudges to push you to talk to someone. But what happens when you’re by yourself, and you are starting to finally open up again after all that time alone? Your body may have waves of energy movement, or jolts of sudden arousal. It may feel orgasmic, but then when you go to pleasure yourself, you may still feel certain blocks to experience a full body experience of arousal, i.e.. orgasm.

The arousal is your bodies way of telling you that you have gotten through most of the grieving process of your ex lover (husband, wife, etc) and it has achieved a level of balance, equilibrium and harmony of energy and wants to move to a higher place of joy. You completed the cycle of sadness, solitude and aloneness after the hard core break up. You took the time you needed to rest, recover, release anxiety, stress and sadness from your previous beloved, and now your body has awaken, and it wants to wake you up to match how it feels.

It can happen anywhere; your kitchen while you are cooking a meal, your car while singing to a song you love, cleaning your home, reading, talking to a friend, or even meditating or taking a bath. When your body is ready to open to a higher level of pleasure, it doesn’t matter what you are doing or who you are with. It will move and rise within you no matter what!

If you talking to a friend in person or over the phone and you definitely don’t want that friendship to turn into something different, be careful! You may want to hang up the phone or leave the current situation to allow your body to experience how it’s feeling. Otherwise, that friendship might just turn romantic pretty quickly!

If you want the friendship to turn into something else, and your friend had been waiting for you to be ready and open, awesome! Or, you are neutral and don’t care if this person will remain your friend or turn into something else, that may be time to have a discussion. However, if you have the discussion on the spot, changes will happen almost dramatically! A more rational stand would be to walk away, take care of yourself, and then talk to your friend later after the feeling of sexual arousal and frustration has calmed down.

I’ve discovered a practice called the Deer Exercise for women and men in my recent search on this topic. This is a taoist energy practice to help move and awaken someone who has been suppressed or shut down for a long time. If you are no longer suppressed and feel the energy already excited, this practice may actually just balance you and help release some of the pent up sexual frustration, and perhaps help you relieve the sexual frustration a little easier. However, I find the Shamanic Breathwork and Tantra Meditations to be more powerful. Whatever you choose is your choice, and your body will let you know what is best!

Feel free to give the Deer Exercise a try. Who knows it might help! If anything it will help keep your energies open and your body in overall health and vitality! Enjoy!

For women:

For men and women: