I’m thrilled to announce I’ve been doing more Couples and Marriage Coaching Sessions! Some couples choose to come see me separately and one on one, and some choose to see me together. While, I am great at one on one coaching, I am even better with couples! When someone comes to me privately, my focus is on helping the individual, and all the issues they are dealing with. However, not all the issues may be obvious when they come alone. I only see one persons perspective this way, and will always take to their side. When they come together, my goal is to support both individuals, and I have a bigger picture to work with, and an awareness of whats going on from both perspectives, and hence, a much bigger understanding of the healing that is needed.
I then pick up on the joint energy between the couple, the joint patterns, the joint triggers, and all the work that is needed to heal a relationship can be done right there on the spot. I still start with a gentle breathing or meditation practice, then move into coaching for each individual, and conversation of course will happen for both sides; taking turns. We may move into forgiveness practices, acknowledging the other partner, eye gazing, breathing together, and emotional processing that is needed for each person that is at the core of the feelings inside of each of them. If we can move beyond all of these practices and the issues have been resolved, then we can move to the next stage of healing for your beloved and your relationship.
I still teach Tantra and Spiritual practices, however, they come after we have sorted out the major obstacles that are keeping your relationship separate or distant. Just like private sessions, working with the couple, both parties need to feel like they have gotten the support they needed, and each persons feelings are taken into account, as well as each persons individual issues and triggers. If the issues go beyond my abilities as a Coach, and the person needs more clinical help, we will discuss how I can be helpful alongside this, to continue the growth and healing of the relationship.
Both people in the couple must want to heal their relationship in order for the relationship to improve. If only one person wants to heal, and the other does not, we will address that in session. Or, if only one person thinks the other needs to work on them-self, and the other does not, we will find out if this is true, and how one in the couple can help the other to heal or grow. Sometimes, the support of just knowing your Beloved cares about you and wants you to be happier and feel better, and being a witness to your growth is all it takes. And sometimes, this inspires the other person in the relationship to realize they need to look at them-self too!
The cycle of making the other partner wrong is at the core of all relationships! When you can take personal responsibility for your half and how you are being with your partner, most obstacles melt away!
You fall in love and are head over heels for someone. The man who adore is sweet, kind, open and loving. You spend weeks and weeks together enjoying each others company, and then all of a sudden you tell your man you love him, and all hell breaks loose. He doesn’t think its possible. He tells you its too soon. He wonders if the relationship is a good idea anymore. He thinks he needs to pull back and distance himself, and does so. You’re freeking out. The man you had such a glorious connection with all of a sudden pulls away just because you tell him he’s amazing and you love him. Where did he go? Why did he pull back? What did you do? How can you fix it?
The issue comes down to the core of a persons psyche, their nervous system breaks open and starts to flutter in a million directions. Their mind goes a million miles and starts overanalyzing as a way to try to figure it out or protect itself. It comes down to attachment styles, and the source of someone’s attachment behaviors, where they came from, how they developed and what is safe for one person is terrifying to another.
We grew up in a certain household and developed attachment with our parents in a specific way based on who our parents were to us, how they treated us, and if they were too close or too far away when we needed them. Based on how this showed up as a child, we become a certain attachment style and the way we interact as an adult in relationship is exactly matched to what we needed as a child. It comes down to healing the inner child, and healing this attachment style. Not many people come to this place of healing their own attachment style. They think they are the way they are, and have to be with someone who won’t trigger their deeper wounds. But those deeper wounds are the core of the issues. The fears from either getting too close, or pulling too far back.
So the man you love, and you shared your feelings with wants to sabotage the relationship, and you try to fix it, by speaking soothing words, saying nice things, and backing off in words that will scare or trigger him. But you’re left with your own anxiety from him pulling away. And that too scares him. So, the solution is for both parties to heal both attachment styles; avoidant attachment who needs to pull away, and anxious attachment who is afraid of loss and needs to be close. Both need to develop inner security, confidence in their self love, and know that their partner still loves them, but is temporarily putting out signals and words of their own inner wounds and fear.
How can this be healed? How can someone heal their own inner attachment style?
The first thing is awareness!!!!
The next thing is being responsible!!!! Taking action and accountability for ones own behaviors and feelings and knowing they might be self sabotaging something great!
Take a step back and reflect on ones own fears!
Call a therapist who deals with attachment styles; particularly anxious attachment and avoidant attachment.
Go to a support group!
Meditate and calm your nervous system.
Keep getting together and stay in communication!!!!
Show each other you care by your actions and not as much your words! Have fun together and show each other you care!
All my Love and onward journey of healing and growth!
Don’t give up when you’ve just begun! This is where things go from challenging to amazing!
How you nurture yourself all depends on what it is you are dealing with in your personal life.
Are you dealing with health matters?
Are you having relationship challenges and feeling your partner at arms length?
Is your family avoiding you and ignoring you or your feelings?
Are you having a higher level of stress and anxiety than normal?
Are you feeling more angry than normal, more tired than normal?
Are you feeling isolated, alone, sad?
How do you nurture yourself in these different situations? They each have different paths one would take to feel better, heal, come to solutions or happiness depending on the circumstance.
The first thing that is helpful is to do a daily meditation practice. You can start with 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, or 30 minutes. Just that short window of time will make you feel so much better. some people like to jump in and start with an hour. If you have the time, go for the hour. If not, try a smaller time frame.
Then do something that’s going to nurture your soul, perhaps a new spiritual practice, such as yoga, chakra healing, reading a spiritual book, learning about angels, crystals, breath work, or even getting acupuncture, massage or a reiki treatment.
Another excellent practice is drinking a specific tea that is helpful for your situation. There are many teas on the market, and many you can make at home. Most teas are made with natural herbs and are a cheaper solution than buying multiple bottles of different herbs, or oils. Herbs and essential oils can be costly when buying in bulk, but teas are very affordable. Try to match your situation with the type of tea that would be helpful for that. If you don’t know, try seeking a tea expert, an herbalist, or feel free to reach out to me for suggestions.
Next, write down everything that is going on. It is very helpful to write down your feelings, and using your writing as a sort of therapy. Writing is very cathartic and sometimes when you write down what you feel, what happened, and the situation, it can help you let it go and feel so much better about things. Then you are able to move on from it, and almost feel empowered that you expressed yourself. Some people don’t like to write, but try pushing yourself a little, via a wordpress document, in notes on your computer, or even writing in a spiral notebook or nice journal book. It sometimes feels very good to write things down with a real pen or pencil. It touches a different part of the brain and releases energy pent up in your throat and lower chakras, believe it or not. It’s not going to have the same benefit as a meditation, or chakra healing, but it is still quite powerful.
Are you an artist, musician or do you like doing things with your hands? This could be a great way to nurture your inner self, and help get through a challenging event, experience, or point in your life. You don’t have to be an expert. As long as you do it, put your heart into it and are intentional, anything you do can be helpful, and in the end, amazing!
What is it you are dealing with? Talk to me here! I’m happy to respond!
If your best friend, your lover, (husband, boyfriend, wife or girlfriend) is also your abuser, people may have told you time and time again to just leave the jerk. And if you looked at them with perplexed eyes, feeling despair and hopelessness, because that one action seemed impossible, you are right! It is nearly impossible!
Leaving your lover, who is also your best friend, and is also your abuser, and is the one thing that scares you, threatens you, and risks your life on a daily basis, the decision of leaving may be impossible. Or, if you have tried leaving, perhaps they used their sexy charm and manipulation to win you back, just when you were catching on to their seduction, abuse, and lies.
Perhaps when you had made requests of intimacy time and time again, and they made excuse after excuse not to be intimate, and you got fed up, left, started dating others, were even starting new relationships, or attempting to, and they jumped in, only to stir your emotions again, dangle their carrot, and seduce you back into the bedroom again. Perhaps you caught on to their pattern of luring you in only after you had waited months and months, and then when they finally had you, they withdrew their love again, pushed you away, and became rageful, hurtful and even vengeful when you made requests to be intimate, or didn’t understand where their anger was coming from!
In the book, The Manipulative Man, by: Dorothy McCoy, Ed.D, it says:
Arrogant men are an annoyance. Narcissistic men and Womanizers turn our lives into a challenging game, as we attempt to stay ahead of their scheming, self-indulgent behavior. Beyond annoyance and challenge, we enter the darker side of human nature — violence. Hostile men would crush our spirits and redefine “who we are” as “who we should be.” Their view of relationships is dominance over driven and idiosyncratic.
After my husband had left to the mid west, going out there to plant seeds of getting a place to live and work, for our family, he arrived home and switched gears. He became a completely different person. His facial expressions, tone of voice, body language and goals all had changed. I was still in the mind-set of the goals we had prior. He had a different agenda. I had missed him, and wanted intimacy, to be close to him. I ignored the warning signs that he had switched, and in the moment he touched me, I saw his disassociation, and he crossed my boundaries, touching me aggressively and hurt me. His words, “I’m tired of you wanting to be gentle. My fingers like to be just as aggressive as my mouth.” In the moment I froze, and stayed quiet, as I figured out he had changed, and became someone evil.
The book states also, Intimidation is a crude, primitive form of manipulation employed by men who must control and dominate, much as other men must breathe. In most cases, these men will not change and they certainly won’t change to please us.
I tried to explain to him, that his touching was hurtful and to please be gentle, but he couldn’t hear me. He wasn’t listening, and it felt as though he wasn’t even in his own body. I felt his anger and distaste for my words, and no soothing words I spoke made any difference. The only solution was to pull away, and instead of responding in anger as a normal person would, I knew I had to protect myself from the rage I could feel he was feeling. I went in to speaking to him, as a counselor, asking why he was angry and where it was coming from, and assuring him that perhaps something happened while he was away that upset him. He continued in his denial of his feelings, and I remained calm and centered so as to not anger him further. Instead of standing up for myself or protecting myself, I knew that would enrage him further than he already was.
Our goals must then be revised to accommodate this new circumstance (violence). Then, our new goals become (1) to avoid pain and injury and (2) to gain independence from the violent male. If you believe it is easy to leave a violent man, you have been given inaccurate information. Women in strongly aggressive relationships are more at risk when they attempt to leave or after they leave.
It’s been one year since my abuser and I have separated. I’m starting to slowly gain back my spirit and power. It is true, I was in a funk and had anxiety during the first 6 months of separation, as my body was adjusting to leaving what it was used to constantly needing to defend. During the time he left to mid-west, and after the filing of protection and separation from him for nearly 2 months, all darkness of the truth was revealed to the light, and I had awareness more than I had in the last 10 years. I knew he was mentally ill, and may never get better or get help. And, I knew I had to leave the relationship for the last time (lest he ever prove to me that he had begun treatment, therapy or done something extraordinary to heal his mental condition).
In my heart he is still my best friend, however co-parenting is much healthier and safer without stirring intimacy into the mix, so as to avoid any intimacy triggers that will push him over the edge back into his abusive behaviors once again. It’s best to leave those triggers at bay, and create intimacy with others who have a healthy relationship with love and sexuality. Let’s create the least stressful life as possible, and the most ease! It’s been a long ten year journey, to finally be ready (and able) to walk away from someone who showed red flags within the first three weeks. Next time, it’s time to listen to them!
And perhaps too, he’s giving me a gift this time. By rejecting me he’s actually keeping me from repeating the cycle. There just might be a part of him that is healthy, that he knows he is incapable of loving me without chaos. I’m grateful for his rejection. It’s giving me a chance to let go.
I realize this blog post is off topic to the theme of this blog, however, I decided to be bold, honest and tell the truth. After all, we’re talking about sex and relationships aren’t we? I’m feeling my writers block starting to dissipate, and I am in fear of sharing the truth no longer! I have been working on creating videos on my TrueTantra.net site, and wrote a post when I was in the midst of grieving and detoxing this situation months ago at IntuitiveSoulHealings.com/relationship-trauma-anxiety/. I actually had writers block all year because of this. And started to tackle some personal health matters I am passionate about. I shifted gears to writing a funny children’s story while waiting for my writers block to disappear, and this here is perhaps my first truth writing where I can see things clearly, and the dark cloud I was in all year is finally gone! Don’t think I’m in a funk anymore, because I’m not! It just takes me a while to write, and usually its after all is well done and over, revealing what I had overcome! So, this is my writing in sharing, I have overcome this, and am truly grateful! We all have our journey’s! (And yes, I’ll continue to work on this journey while coming back to my passion and what I love…my spiritual and tantric life and love for sharing!)
Every month women go through a cycle of change within their bodies. They have no control over the changes they are experiencing within. They often don’t know what is happening underneath their skin; until all of a sudden they explode with a rush of adrenalin and excitement onto their loved ones, or the innocent recipient as their mirror standing, or listening right before them. Women have powerful surges of emotions that can change from the hormones that go through the upheavel of arousal to its peak, and depletion and sizzling at the hormones come to a place of rest and completion of their cycle.
However, every month, there is the potential for the women to take charge of these feelings. They have the opportunity to observe their bodily changes; their every day moments of expression, and their energy level from a heightened joy and excited energetic response to a stillness from within; a calming agent that makes them rest, sometimes hybernate and perhaps all too often become lethargic or melodic in their rest. Women often have a passion to ignite the release by means of exercise to wild sex; all the way with a fierce power for periods of time, all the way to a gentle feminine power and calmness.
The people around these Goddess’s during their time of changes, all too often don’t know how to support the woman. They themselves may be moved into anger or confusion, and sometimes sadness that they cann’t help her, or doubt in their abilities to be of service; rejecting their own power and strength that they are capable of giving to her. So, the women need to take charge, and until she knows she needs to create balance within her hormonal changes, she cannot rise to the occasion and take care of her bodily experiences.
When a Goddess is consumed by her past, and has not healed all of the hurt inside of her, she may not know that what she is dealing with, is a normal and natural change of her hormonal response. She may need to heal within her hurt, her pain, her anger, sadness or trauma prior to the need to heal the imbalance in her body. Many women in our culture are on “the pill” so their ability to sense the changes within their bodies is limited to the strength of the medication she is on, or perhaps, if she has leveled out and feels at peace with her monthly pill, she may have some awareness of the changes she is experiencing, however, when a woman has gone all naturelle, she will feel ALL of her EVERYTHING that her body experiences, so long as she has healed all of her inner wounds, grief, feelings of her past, and so on from within. Once she has accomplished this, I want to say CONGRATUALTIONS and here are soem things to consider for creating balance on a monthly basis, and help those hormones come to rest:
YOGA FOR PMS
Yoga is general is so wonderful for the body, but there are some specific poses to help the female body expand herself from the inside, and get her circulation moving at a powerful level, and give her a little boost of self love! Some simple yoga poses that stretch the inner thighs, the stomach and the lower back are great for the woman to remind herself how wonderful and beautiful she truly is. BKS. Iyengar has a great Yoga book for Health, and the sequence for PMS is a great place to start!
Moonstone is an excellent stone for the symptoms of PMS and female health. Pietersite is great for balancing the hormones. Kunzite is awesome for calming the mind, dissolving negativity, and protecting the wearer from unwanted energies. It also stimulates sensitivity, sensuality and circulation.
It helps one to be open, strong, loving and vibrant. Tiger’s Eye is excellent to help one feel confident and strong about themselves; along with onyx. they can lift you right up out of a bad mood! Chlorite is an angel stone and great for circulation, a similar vibration to kunzite and the two together have many more benefits than what’s listed here. Blue Calcite alone is great for calming one into a space of peace and love. If no other methods are done, here is something simple to do and add as an aid to meditation, to carry on you, or in your sleep.
Ayurvedic Medicine is a science all unto itself. Consider getting tested to find out your chart and what dosha you rate highest. Most people are a combination of all three dosha’s, but one or two is highest. Once you find out your score, you can take the advice of what it recommended for your type and eat, and live in accordance to what will help you balance the most! It is based off of a score of Kapha, Pitta and Vata, and usually one of those will be your natural tendency, and one or two may be out of sync. There is a diet recommended for each type and I highly recommend trying it during, before and after your moon cycle. It may also keep you balanced the whole month long!
There are some great herbal teas for the female cycle, to balance the energies in the womb, to aid in circulation and health for her female organs and to calm the body and mind. Herbology can be so powerful when utilized and understood!
Meditation alone can help to calm those nasty nerves and still the mind that often overworks during the height of female hormones. Just sitting for 5 minutes to 15 minutes in the morning before doing anything else, can completely create a day of peace, and when done throughout the day, it will help to maintain this place of balance. Use of a rosary, mala beads, a witches ladder or buddhist prayer beads can help throughout the entire day, but do remember to get the basic things done that are necessary while continuing to come back to your heart!
EXERCISE OR WALKING
If you’re in good shape or you enjoy the feeling from exercise, and it doesn’t harm your body in any way, take up a little walking, or other exercise regime for even 20 minutes a day. It will help keep your spirits high and give you a boost of energy to get your work done.
If you have the means to take a bath; alone, without little children running around disrupting you, it is so refreshing to soak in the bubbles, and add your taste of essential oils to your homemade sauna. It is so worth waiting for at the end of the day, and for those lucky ones, anytime you want!
When you have a man who offers his strong hands on your body during the week or so before your moon, it is so great to just lay back and surrender to the healing he can offer you. When you don’t have someone to give to you easily, consider asking a friend, using self-massage techniques, or treat yourself to a nice relaxing massage (at any place of your choosing). It is so helpful and enjoyable during the time you need it most!
There are a few products out there to help with hormonal balance, and if you’re comfortable with taking herbal remedies, tinctures, essential oils, teas and any thing else above, herbal remedies will be a great addition to balance out your entire nature and help those hormones gain balance and control. Gaia Herbs is a great company and comes out with an herbal remedy for Women’s Balance, and a great product at theforgottenfoods.com under Women’s Health called Sacred Womb. I also highly recommend the Nutritional Almanac!
If you have any other ideas and you want to add it to this list, please make a comment on this blog, or write to me directly. I will add your suggestion per our conversation and gladly offer it to the women who read this blog! Thank you so much for reading. And I look forward to connecting with you again soon!
Chakra Readings – scanning your energy field with my third eye, picking up on imbalanced energies where we can do healing work on, a chakra meditation, or other services not mentioned here. This is the place where we go deep into your psyche and I channel information needed for you to transcend further down your path. Chakra readings are always a helpful source if you are a beginner or want to go deeper into your spiritual development!
Chakra Clearing Healings – This is another level of the Chakra Readings. A Chakra reading can be performed before the healing to help assist me as to what we should do during the healing. I may also in addition to my third eye, use my hands to scan your body to give me even more information to help me in helping you. I will also call in angels, Ascended Master and beings of light to be there with us, so it is not only I as the human individual helping you, but it is also others on a higher level that support us as well. You may also ask for any being to be present with us during this time!
These Sessions can also be affiliated with any of the Reiki Sessions mentioned below, as well as Frequency Balancing, or a Chakra Meditation Session.
Chakra Meditation Sessions –
Tarot Readings – I love offering tarot readings and have been offering them for many years. This is a way you can find answers to questions you may not know you have, or questions you have been unwilling to communicate about. I completely use my intuition with the pictures on the cards. This is a fun experience and also very rewarding!
Angel Readings –
Working with angels is my regular area of endeavors; whether it is through meditation, teaching, giving sessions, or channeling. My contact with angels is what has saved me several times and is what has brought me on this powerful journey as a Healer.
I’ve had many experiences with seeing angels since I was a child and have always been sensitive to energy. As a young girl, I had painted on my wall, “VIBES ARE EVERYTHING”. I learned young that there is so much out there that we can’t physically see and to always look beyond the obvious.
When I do Angel Readings I work with angel cards, channeling, prayer and guidance.
Past Life Readings – Past life readings can be done during an energy healing session, or by itself in a channeled session. This can help you in your present life where you are playing out old patterns from the past; in other lives. Perhaps you are living out experiences and you don’t understand why life is just not working out the way you want it. This is where past lives come into play!
Past Life Healing Sessions –
Meditation Sessions – Meditation through guidance and through instruction. Meditations are often guided through channeling, but we may also listen to soft music or I may read to you from a book.