Lyme and Living Powerfully

Lyme and Living Powerfully

images1Lyme and Living Powerfully

If you have Lyme Disease, and you are confident about it, how do you live a powerful life despite what you might be dealing with? First off, every single person has different symptoms. You might be fine for months or years without noticing any symptoms at all, and then you might go through a change and have enormous symptoms that need to be taken care of. Or perhaps you might have symptoms that are manageable, but then you get to a certain point where you are tired of dealing with those symptoms, and want your body to feel amazing all the time!

Having Lyme can be a gift in a certain perspective. It will bring up emotions in your body that you didn’t know existed, and may have been suppressed your entire life if you didn’t have a physical symptom that caused pain and made you have to look at yourself.  Some people may have fear of death, anxiety that was already in their body before Lyme, perhaps depression before the Lyme, internalized and deeply repressed anger, or other emotional experiences that the Lyme actually made one confront. Why does having Lyme make one confront these very core imprint and DNA patterns in the body? Because its a part of your internal truth, how you developed as a young child, perhaps even feelings carried over from past lives (if you believe in that), and the enormous level of pain over a long period of time makes people need to confront some very primal aspects of their identity. Having Lyme is not like having a car accident, where you go to the hospital and get treated for a couple days and then go home. It is a VERY long term dis-ease, that causes one to address some very deep rooted feelings they may never have confronted without it.

Perhaps like Cancer, it makes one question their life, why they contracted the cancer, where they were holding grudges and anger, who they blamed and made wrong, and if they truly want to live. It makes people question their thinking, how they feel about things, and their life, Similar to Cancer, Lyme makes people have to face the pain over and over and over again, and in doing so, go through deep emotional processes of healing. Perhaps this alone is why I myself did not figure out I had it until I transformed my identity, my psyche, and emotional life. The emotional, mental and spiritual self needs to be dealt with often before the physical self can be healed. And the more emotional feelings are stored in the body, the longer it may take someone to heal. So, healing the emotional self, does empower someone to heal the physical self.

After you have dealt with the deeper core emotional issues, you can feel empowered, integrated and aligned on a psychological level, and when pain arises, or fear, it comes and leaves just as quickly as it arrived. Often any anxiety one used to have or depression one used to have, diminishes or dissipates altogether. So for those who have had a lot to heal psychologically, in a way, it can be a blessing. The next journey is in empowering the physical self!

How does one heal the physical self? Well after you have dealt with the psychological self, you can empower yourself, inspire yourself, and encourage yourself to keep finding answers, and know and believe that after you had healed all the other aspects of who you are, healing lyme actually is quite a snap! Not that it is easy, however, the journey to healing may be much less than the emotional and spiritual one!

The important thing is listening to the body, and letting your own body be your natural healer and teacher, and trusting that over anyone else!

For anyone with lyme, I hope to inspire you to know and believe that you can heal, and you don’t have to suffer! You can live an amazing, fun filled and passionate life, despite your circumstances! Things will get better, and you will thrive!

Much Love,

Asttarte

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Diet and Stress

Diet and Stress

Diet and StressDiet and Stress

Many people use food as a de-stressor when they are upset or down about things. That could mean that they eat more, or they eat less. Having any relationship to food, whether its avoiding it, or putting more attention on it, is a relationship with food.

A larger emphasis on our society focuses on the people who put more attention on food when they are stressed; eating more, binging, overeating even when they are full, or doing nothing but sitting and eating. But what about the people who are stressed and use food as something to avoid?

“I’m not really that hungry.”

“I ate enough, thank you!”

“I’m watching my weight now.”

“That doesn’t taste good anymore.”

When someone is in a new situation, a changed situation, or their life has altered completely, and they say some of these things, consider that they might just be in shock (and really not even know it), are upset about something, and don’t have the words to talk about it.

Any change in diet at all, is a change, and often a means for that person to handle the stress they are experiencing in their life. If you are close to a loved one who’s diet has changed, and you notice it, say something. Encourage them to tell someone and ask for support. They may just need to talk about their feelings, gain a little understanding on the change in lifestyle, feel alone and neglected, harboring anger at themselves or others, or maybe they don’t know how they are feeling at all.

Acupuncture, actually is an excellent practice for clearing the blocks in the body and regaining balance in one’s energy system quickly, and returning to their normal diet. If you’re the person who has changed your diet, consider your feelings, and take into account that they matter. Talk to someone. Start a journal, a meditation practice or even yoga!

For some people, change is a very difficult thing to accept, and during the time of adjusting to the acceptance, a little support goes a long way!

Relationship Trauma & Anxiety

Relationship Trauma & Anxiety

relationship trauma & anxiety

Relationship Trauma & Anxiety

For the past three months, my life has altered in a dramatic way. Things happened that I had no expectation or awareness they could, and life has taken an unexpected turn. Something happened very personal, that caused me to have to take a serious measure and a stand for myself and my son. I had to file for Protection against a man I have loved profoundly for the past nine years, and a man I thought had loved me in return. I had no idea what the results would be with this action. I had no idea if I would gain the protection I sought, or what would then follow if I had not. Although, I knew I needed to take a stand. I knew enough was enough. And, I knew the stand was more for my son than for myself.

A forced legal custody arrangement was placed on the spot immediately following my inability to acquire the permanent protection, and my body was manifesting symptoms I had no control over. All the meditation, prayer and energy work I did on myself could not stop this process. All the prayers I did for him could not stop this process.

During the time of the temporary protection (around a month and 1/2), I became super clear I had been in love with a mad man, and someone who has extreme mental illness. It became clear I had spent years trying to help him heal, and he was in utter denial he needed it, and in utter denial there was a reason for him to seek any form of help that could be a solution, albeit temporary to his dangerous psychosis. I am very clear this man has Bipolar, as one of the many aspects to his behavior, however, that aspect would be a gift if that was all it was. I am not a Clinical doctor (yet), but I am very aware of personality disorders, disassociation, mental illness and mental health. If I could be the fairy that waved her magic wand over this sad unconscious soul, I would have done it years ago. And, in many ways, I tried, granted unsuccessfully.

It would make sense that stress or anxiety (and even symptoms of PTSD) could show up when anyone has to deal with another person of this character (sociopathic/psychopathic/schizoid/anti-social/depression). Thankfully I’m so proactively working on myself I don’t have the extreme of ptsd in my system, but considerable anxiety has had its way of taking over.

How could anxiety show up and manifest when dealing with such an extreme person?

It could show up as:

hyperventilating (or panic attacks)

hives

insomnia

loss of appetite (or increase)

isolation

depression (lethargy)

fear

serious disconnection from spirit (or spiritual practices)/loss of faith in God

energy blockages/energy stuck/cloudiness

During an intense change in a relationship, when you were going on a certain path and direction with someone you loved, with goals of marriage, living together and family, and then the sick person you love takes a sudden turn and changes their mood, behavior, feelings toward you from deep love to utter distance, changes the way they walk, talk and act, and becomes abusive and attacks you and those you love, having symptoms such as the ones above are extremely normal. Don’t let this delusional person tell you any different! If they start pointing fingers that there’s something wrong with you, that’s only confirmation of their illness.

My symptoms manifested mostly as hives, and I studied everything I could to determine how to treat this. My own research was far more successful and helpful than going to my doctor. I found home remedies online, and these were the most successful that I tried: (I also added my own techniques here as well)

oatmeal baths

cool or cold compresses

the herb nettle (can be found at a health food store)

fish oil capsules

meditation and relaxation (and deep breathing)

chamomile essential oil (most awesome was Wild Chamomile Oil; more expensive but fantastic). German Chamomile Oil, and Roman Chamomile Oil. The oils in jojoba oil do work and if they are all you can afford, get it. The pure oils of course are more potent! This helps with anxiety, stress, sleep and throughout the day.

chamomile tea (not as strong as the oil, but nice)

valerian herbal remedy

determining food triggers

witch hazel (helped only slightly)

Bach flower essences (rescue remedy and others you are drawn to)

Cosmic Love Essence

Healing Sessions, Reiki, Energy Healing (receive from friends or healers, and do self healing if you are trained as well)

Chakra Balancing (meditation, working with crystals, pendulum balancing, yoga, etc).

Relaxing Baths

Prayer

Therapy, EMDR, Psychotherapy, Support Groups, Group Therapy, Counseling

Landmark (landmarkworldwide.com)

A Course in Miracles

Hanging out with friends and family

Reading, movies,

Exercise, yoga, rock climbing, skating, walking, staying active, etc.

Walking outside in cool or cold air

Anything that makes YOU happy!

 

Stages After Leaving the Abuser Could Be (in quotes taken from The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table):

frightened – “that the same thing will happen again, or that you might lose control of your feelings and break down”, that he will hurt you again, and your love for him is too strong to stay away.

helpless – “that something really bad happened and you could do nothing about it, leaving you feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed”, that you can’t control how powerful he is, in his vindictive ways, his seductive ways, and his false image of love.

angry – “about what has happened and at whoever was responsible”, and at those who took his side and didn’t believe you, at yourself for trying to help him, and who didn’t protect you or your child

guilty – “that you could have done something to prevent it”, when he shows love for you again, when he finally says he’s sorry, that you shouldn’t have given up on trying to help him to get help

sad – “particularly if you or other people (your children, perhaps) have been affected”, sad in particular that your child will be exposed to this man for the rest of his life, and you may not be able to protect him, sad and scared your child could be fated to become just like him.

ashamed or embarrassed – “that you have strong feelings you can’t control, especially if you need others to support you”. I am happy to accept the help when it comes my way, but this may be relevant for others. Ashamed that I as a Healer, could not see this or prevent it.

relieved – “that the danger is over and that the cause of the danger is gone”. I have come to this point, however, there’s always the risk that he will become like this again, he changes several times a year (or every other year depending on his triggers) into a new person. When co-parenting, there is no escaping; only managing. It’s best to stay friends and minimize reasons for him to become triggered.

hopeful – “that your life will return to normal; people start to feel more positive about things quite soon after a trauma”. Every person is different. If it was a repeated trauma, or a long term relationship, it could take longer than ‘soon’ as this book says! This perhaps is the less severe case, and milder psychosis. You can’t always agree with everything in a book.

The process of grieving, however, does come to an end, and one can assume they will come back to balance, so long as they don’t return to the relationship as it was. If, in all this effort, he does get some help, I will be grateful, however, with his assumed imbalances (chemical, non-chemical and untreated), it is not likely he will ever heal, or heal completely. The best solution, is gaining strength and power and protecting myself for when he does change again, because most likely he will…in due time. You can’t ever trust a psychopath or a narcissist to stay sweet. Assume he’s only doing doing that, to try to get something, or win whatever game he’s playing. And a Psychopath/or Anti-Social/or Mama’s Boy, is almost always also bipolar, so don’t expect him to stay the way he is right now. You never know when he’ll change his mind!

In God and Goddess’s Arms,

Asttarte

 

Extremely helpful books:

The Manipulative Man, Identify his Behavior, Counter his Abuse, Regain Control,  by: Dorothy McCoy, Ed.D.

Psychopaths and Love, by A.B. Admin

The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table; Recognizing and Dealing with Antisocial and Manipulative People, by: Dr. Jane McGregor & Tim McGregor

Women Who Love Psychopaths; Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm With Psychopaths, Sociopaths, & Narcissists, by: Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

Why Does He Do That; Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men, by: Lundy Bancroft

When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse, by: Lundy Bancroft

Stop Spinning, Start Breathing; Managing the Memories that Keep us Addicted, by: Zari Ballard

Who’s Pulling your Strings; How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life, by: Harriet B. Braiker, PhD.

Emotional Vampires; Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, by: Albert J. Bernstein, PhD

When Love is A Lie; Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda, by: Zari Ballard

Other Helpful Books:

Narcissistic Lovers; How to Cope, Recover and Move On, by: Cynthia Zayn & Kevin Dibble, M.S.

Why is It Always About You; the Seven early Sins of Narcissism, by: Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW

Disarming the Narcissist; Surviving & Thriving with the Self Absorbed, by: Wendy T. Behary, LCSW

The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists; Coping with the One Way Relationship in Work, Love and Family, by: Eleanor D. Payson, MSW

Boundaries and Relationships; Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self, by: Charles L. Whitfield, MD

The Object of my Affection is In My Reflection; Coping with Narcissists, by: Rockelle Lerner

The Enabler; when helping hurts the ones you love, by: Angelyn Miller, MA

Where to Draw the Line; How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day, by: Anne Katherine, MA

Women Who Love Too Much; When you Keep Wishing and Hoping He’ll Change, by: Robin Norwood

Coming Apart; Why Relationships End & how to live through the ending of yours, by: Daphne Rose Kingma

I Know This Much Is True, by: Wally Lamb (Oprah’s Book Club)

 

 

Honoring Your Own Integrity

Sometimes when a situation arises, and you feel you need to take a stand for yourself, it may oppose other people’s viewpoints, opinions, or desires. However, if you stay firm to your own feelings and convictions, everything will fall into place out and you will have honored your own integrity and have stayed true to your view. This ultimately will lead you to self-satisfaction, honor with your heart and inner peace.
What happens when you don’t honor how you feel; when you let other people have their way, you keep your feelings to yourself, and when you suppress your needs and desires? This often leads to a loss of power; a lack of self-expression, a creative expression that gets lost, a sexual passion that gets forgotten, an opportunity that got missed, a need that didn’t get fulfilled and in some cases a routine for your child that got off schedule or the lack of self-care for yourself or others.
Tonight, I had an experience where I shared a need I felt was important to honor for my son; where it would have put his sleep schedule and evening routine off for an hour, he would not have gotten to bed until almost 11:30 at night and then would have put him into staying asleep in the morning until mid morning, totally altering the next days routines and schedule. I did not want to make my son have to sacrifice his own well-being, putting his schedule off and not getting his needs met, which ultimately would have made his father’s and my own needs and routine thrown off as well. I stood for what I felt, and requested his father find another ride or consider what his son would have to go through for him requesting to give him a ride, making his son sit in the car for an hour. So instead, he surrendered and took the train home.
Sometimes when we don’t honor how we feel, it actually can cause more upset than it would have if you just said what you felt. Giving away your power and forgetting yourself actually can create distance between people and does the opposite of what we all desire; experiencing love, being a family, & having commitment and ease between each other.
Speaking your truth, in the end is what actually gives you power, and when you hide behind someone else, there’s no you to be vivid, be real and be alive in this world!