Couples Marriage Coaching

Couples Marriage CoachingCouples Marriage Coaching

I’m thrilled to announce I’ve been doing more Couples and Marriage Coaching Sessions! Some couples choose to come see me separately and one on one, and some choose to see me together. While, I am great at one on one coaching, I am even better with couples! When someone comes to me privately, my focus is on helping the individual, and all the issues they are dealing with. However, not all the issues may be obvious when they come alone. I only see one persons perspective this way, and will always take to their side. When they come together, my goal is to support both individuals, and I have a bigger picture to work with, and an awareness of whats going on from both perspectives, and hence, a much bigger understanding of the healing that is needed.

I then pick up on the joint energy between the couple, the joint patterns, the joint triggers, and all the work that is needed to heal a relationship can be done right there on the spot. I still start with a gentle breathing or meditation practice, then move into coaching for each individual, and conversation of course will happen for both sides; taking turns.  We may move into forgiveness practices, acknowledging the other partner, eye gazing, breathing together, and emotional processing that is needed for each person that is at the core of the feelings inside of each of them. If we can move beyond all of these practices and the issues have been resolved, then we can move to the next stage of healing for your beloved and your relationship.

I still teach Tantra and Spiritual practices, however, they come after we have sorted out the major obstacles that are keeping your relationship separate or distant. Just like private sessions, working with the couple, both parties need to feel like they have gotten the support they needed, and each persons feelings are taken into account, as well as each persons individual issues and triggers. If the issues go beyond my abilities as a Coach, and the person needs more clinical help, we will discuss how I can be helpful alongside this, to continue the growth and healing of the relationship.

Both people in the couple must want to heal their relationship in order for the relationship to improve. If only one person wants to heal, and the other does not, we will address that in session. Or, if only one person thinks the other needs to work on them-self, and the other does not, we will find out if this is true, and how one in the couple can help the other to heal or grow. Sometimes, the support of just knowing your Beloved cares about you and wants you to be happier and feel better, and being a witness to your growth is all it takes. And sometimes, this inspires the other person in the relationship to realize they need to look at them-self too!

The cycle of making the other partner wrong is at the core of all relationships! When you can take personal responsibility for your half and how you are being with your partner, most obstacles melt away!

Love, Asttarte

When To Go Past Dating

When To Go Past Dating

When to Go Past Dating

When To Go Past Dating 

How do you know when to take your relationship past the dating point? How do you know when to start kissing, being intimate, or becoming sexual? If you want the relationship to last, and not be just a sexual fling, it is often best to avoid deeper acts of sex and intimacy until you know for sure the relationship feels solid. There is that rocky stage in a new relationship where you want to be intimate, but you also want it to be the real thing. How do you know how long to wait and when to go past dating? Do you wait one month, three months, or four? Timing can be everything for each couple, and each individual.

It is crucial to discover how serious the person you are dating is, especially if you want something serious.  And if you find out two months in, they don’t want anything serious, its much easier to walk away if you haven’t had sex. But what if you have? Then what do you do? Do you walk away as soon as you know your goals are different? Or do you wait it out to see if perhaps the other person is not sure yet?

Most of the time, if someone tells you in the beginning of a relationship, that they don’t want anything serious, you should really listen to them. If they tell you they just want to have fun, or want to remain celibate, or are not looking for long term commitment, you should take whatever words they say literally. Their actions may be different than their words, but its the words in the very beginning that define how they will truly be later. If someone hints to you that they “think” maybe they are Bipolar, or that they have had a history of being afraid after things start to get serious, and hide or pull away, LISTEN to them! All of these initial honest clues will impact the rest of your relationship, and if they told you these things from the beginning, you WERE forewarned!!!

If your date, warned you about some major things that would impact your dreams of a healthy and serious relationship, and you didn’t listen, that’s your fault! You need to be the one to walk away, and you need to be the stronger one; not them. They are wounded, scared, conflicted, confused, or perhaps just a jerk. You need to be the wise one! And choose whether to go past dating and of deeper into the relationship, or end it!

It is best NOT to have any sexual intimacy with someone until you know for sure who they are, their habits, beliefs, goals, if you could be good friends, if they are healthy, if you are compatible, and if you can really see yourself with them for the long term. When you jump in right away, not truly discovering their true colors, things get sticky and challenging, and it only causes more pain later. Be smart, and wait. Trust your gut, and listen to your heart!

Asttarte

LoveSexandTea.com

Attachment Styles

Attachment Styles

 Attachment StylesAttachment Styles

You fall in love and are head over heels for someone. The man who adore is sweet, kind, open and loving. You spend weeks and weeks together enjoying each others company, and then all of a sudden you tell your man you love him, and all hell breaks loose. He doesn’t think its possible. He tells you its too soon. He wonders if the relationship is a good idea anymore. He thinks he needs to pull back and distance himself, and does so. You’re freeking out. The man you had such a glorious connection with all of a sudden pulls away just because you tell him he’s amazing and you love him. Where did he go? Why did he pull back? What did you do? How can you fix it?

The issue comes down to the core of a persons psyche, their nervous system breaks open and starts to flutter in a million directions. Their mind goes a million miles and starts overanalyzing as a way to try to figure it out or protect itself. It comes down to attachment styles, and the source of someone’s attachment behaviors, where they came from, how they developed and what is safe for one person is terrifying to another.

We grew up in a certain household and developed attachment with our parents in a specific way based on who our parents were to us, how they treated us, and if they were too close or too far away when we needed them. Based on how this showed up as a child, we become a certain attachment style and the way we interact as an adult in relationship is exactly matched to what we needed as a child. It comes down to healing the inner child, and healing this attachment style. Not many people come to this place of healing their own attachment style. They think they are the way they are, and have to be with someone who won’t trigger their deeper wounds. But those deeper wounds are the core of the issues. The fears from either getting too close, or pulling too far back.

So the man you love, and you shared your feelings with wants to sabotage the relationship, and you try to fix it, by speaking soothing words, saying nice things, and backing off in words that will scare or trigger him. But you’re left with your own anxiety from him pulling away. And that too scares him. So, the solution is for both parties to heal both attachment styles; avoidant attachment who needs to pull away, and anxious attachment who is afraid of loss and needs to be close. Both need to develop inner security, confidence in their self love, and know that their partner still loves them, but is temporarily putting out signals and words of their own inner wounds and fear.

How can this be healed? How can someone heal their own inner attachment style?

The first thing is awareness!!!!

The next thing is being responsible!!!! Taking action and accountability for ones own behaviors and feelings and knowing they might be self sabotaging something great!

Take a step back and reflect on ones own fears!

Call a therapist who deals with attachment styles; particularly anxious attachment and avoidant attachment.

Go to a support group!

Meditate and calm your nervous system.

Keep getting together and stay in communication!!!!

Show each other you care by your actions and not as much your words! Have fun together and show each other you care!

All my Love and onward journey of healing and growth!

Don’t give up when you’ve just begun! This is where things go from challenging to amazing!

Asttarte

Breakthrough instead of Breakup

Breakthrough instead of Breakup

angelicBreakthrough instead of Breakup

When a couple has a falling out, and there is a misunderstanding and disagreement, why is that one person in the relationship wants to work things out, and the other wants to run from the relationship all together?

The one person loves deeply, and wants to talk things through, heal, take time to sort out misunderstandings. The other wants to run from their feelings, hide, disappear and not deal with their feelings at all, until later, alone and separate from the situation, and in silence.  Who is right in this scenario? What is the best outcome? Perhaps both solutions are correct, and there are many ways of sorting out things. What one person sees as the answer, might be right. And, what another person sees as an answer, the other person objects. However, in the end, if you believe you are right, you’re right! It doesn’t matter how something is resolved, as long as it is resolved, within yourself.

When one lover wants to sort things out, and the other lover is scared, sometimes it is best to let the scared lover take their time to heal. Sometimes the only way they heal is through time, separation and silence. If you are willing to give that lover his space, perhaps that solution can work, so long as you too are getting the support you need as well.

One may ask, how much is too much to take? Or how much is one willing to handle? But, for love, who isn’t willing to fight? Who isn’t willing to stand for the one they love? If not, perhaps it never was love to begin with.

Ancient soul love is worth the distance it takes to keep it alive. Even when a couple is very different in their thinking, or processing and one has an imbalance in their mind, the stronger person is always the one to keep things intact. It is always the stronger person who is the anchor, to keep things alive, to heal, to transform and to love.