Why Men Pull Away

Why Men Pull Away

 Why Men Pull Away

Why Men Pull Away

What happens when the man you love starts losing interest. He doesn’t know how to show his feelings, or perhaps he chooses not to. Why men pull away and why does this downward spiral start happening? What can you do to avoid it?

Perhaps something gets triggered in him. You, as a woman pick up on this. You can sense it, feel it, and may even know why. But he may not. And men don’t like to be told what they are thinking, let alone what they may need to heal. They want to figure it out for themselves. They want to be left alone, and perhaps to sort out their own feelings in their own time. But we as women, don’t like to feel her man pull away. We get hurt too, from their distance, their absence and can sense something is wrong. However, to let him work through whatever it is that he may be feeling, perhaps is the best solution.

Men don’t want you to be his therapist, or healer. They want you to love him, hold him, nurture him. And, it can sometimes take weeks, or months of his distance of going through something. He wants to just know you are there for him. He wants to know you care, that you back him up, and can be patient.

Often, men like to know that the woman they love, will stand strong and proud of him, not insulting him, or making him wrong, and just believe in him. Why Men Pull Away: They want to feel secure and confident in their selves, and in the choice they made with their woman. In many ways, perhaps, they like to know that the woman he loves, will stand proud of him, as his mother did. And, if she cannot hold that security and confidence in him as his first female love did, perhaps his adult love is not good enough for him.

This then, is what starts the cycle to a man’s absence; feeling unaccepted, feeling invalidated, feel insecure, losing his confidence in himself, losing his power, when he loses control, and feels a woman doesn’t accept him as he is, wants to help him, fix him, change him, heal him. If he feels he can’t take care of his woman, doesn’t have the inner strength, courage, power, financial or emotional, and feels powerless over the situation. If he begins to feel these things within himself, and his woman triggers these feelings in him, often he will pull away from her. Many men don’t know why they feel this way, and his woman will want him to feel happy, strong and powerful, but not know why he doesn’t, or not know that her words can sting him into a hidden cocoon.

How can we then keep the man we love by our side? Empower him, support him, accept him, encourage him, love him…to be all he wants to be, whether thats loving you, or choosing to run miles away.

More to say on this…please comment if you feel guided.

Asttarte

Perhaps this is a post more geared for women, but I’m sure men will find benefit also. And, please comment if you have any response, feedback or opinion.

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Forgiveness & Acceptance

Forgiveness & Acceptance

forgiveness and acceptanceI heard a story today of a woman who shared her experience with her ex-husband. She had been dealing with a custody battle for years and came to feel as though none of her inputs, feelings, or concerns were given any consideration. She had an agreement set up with her ex-husband on the days he would be with her children and the days she would be with her children.

The holidays are coming and she had said, “I don’t have a good experience with the holidays and I always look forward to when they are over.” Her ex-husband knew she was to spend Thursday with her children, but he then asserted that he was going to take the children that day. Then he casually mentioned that he was also going to be taking the children to someone in his family on Saturday, when Saturday was also a day scheduled for her to be with her children.

It was a situation I could not do anything about, other than listen. And, as I heard her speak, I heard more and more of my own situation that I USED TO have, that I now NO LONGER have. I wanted to offer her my suggestions and perhaps a new viewpoint that might help her. She sort of was playing the victim role and didn’t seem to realize how she was being responsible in the situation. She was blaming, acting entitled, was judging and holding onto the pattern of this relationship and how it had been going on for years.

If I could put my two sense into this situation for this woman, I would ask her to consider how she is being is responsible; if she can see how he feels, what she is still holding onto from the past, how she is blaming, judging, nitpicking and playing the role of the victim. She is playing the advocate for helping women who have gone through divorce, but it seems her heart is very much still hurting and she covers it up with a powerful confidence. My hope for her, is that she learns to forgive him, accepts the situation, learns to listen, and can one day surrender to this mans feelings. This may be the one thing that could bring peace to her family, and perhaps friendship between the two of them, instead of animosity!