Attachment Styles

Attachment Styles

 Attachment StylesAttachment Styles

You fall in love and are head over heels for someone. The man who adore is sweet, kind, open and loving. You spend weeks and weeks together enjoying each others company, and then all of a sudden you tell your man you love him, and all hell breaks loose. He doesn’t think its possible. He tells you its too soon. He wonders if the relationship is a good idea anymore. He thinks he needs to pull back and distance himself, and does so. You’re freeking out. The man you had such a glorious connection with all of a sudden pulls away just because you tell him he’s amazing and you love him. Where did he go? Why did he pull back? What did you do? How can you fix it?

The issue comes down to the core of a persons psyche, their nervous system breaks open and starts to flutter in a million directions. Their mind goes a million miles and starts overanalyzing as a way to try to figure it out or protect itself. It comes down to attachment styles, and the source of someone’s attachment behaviors, where they came from, how they developed and what is safe for one person is terrifying to another.

We grew up in a certain household and developed attachment with our parents in a specific way based on who our parents were to us, how they treated us, and if they were too close or too far away when we needed them. Based on how this showed up as a child, we become a certain attachment style and the way we interact as an adult in relationship is exactly matched to what we needed as a child. It comes down to healing the inner child, and healing this attachment style. Not many people come to this place of healing their own attachment style. They think they are the way they are, and have to be with someone who won’t trigger their deeper wounds. But those deeper wounds are the core of the issues. The fears from either getting too close, or pulling too far back.

So the man you love, and you shared your feelings with wants to sabotage the relationship, and you try to fix it, by speaking soothing words, saying nice things, and backing off in words that will scare or trigger him. But you’re left with your own anxiety from him pulling away. And that too scares him. So, the solution is for both parties to heal both attachment styles; avoidant attachment who needs to pull away, and anxious attachment who is afraid of loss and needs to be close. Both need to develop inner security, confidence in their self love, and know that their partner still loves them, but is temporarily putting out signals and words of their own inner wounds and fear.

How can this be healed? How can someone heal their own inner attachment style?

The first thing is awareness!!!!

The next thing is being responsible!!!! Taking action and accountability for ones own behaviors and feelings and knowing they might be self sabotaging something great!

Take a step back and reflect on ones own fears!

Call a therapist who deals with attachment styles; particularly anxious attachment and avoidant attachment.

Go to a support group!

Meditate and calm your nervous system.

Keep getting together and stay in communication!!!!

Show each other you care by your actions and not as much your words! Have fun together and show each other you care!

All my Love and onward journey of healing and growth!

Don’t give up when you’ve just begun! This is where things go from challenging to amazing!

Asttarte

This site is in the works – Relationship & Life Coaching!

Bare with me while this site is still in its development stages. Sometimes it is best to let people know of a sites existence after it has been created and completed, but I thought I would let you know that this work now IS available, and I am offering free phone sessions while I’m in training! I need more practice for Coaching for your life, so please don’t hesitate to contact me for this! You will actually be helping me, while I get to help you too! The only thing it will cost either of us is time!

I’m still integrating how this will all go about, how to organize this, structure it, manage it, put it all together and the like.

My main focus is on Relationships and Intimacy, as this has been my area of expertise for 6 years now. And, prior to this I studied and practiced many healing modalities that dealt with the whole self, so I don’t want you to think that I stop with relationships. In fact, sometimes you have to deal with all the other areas of your life BEFORE the relationship you desire or are in actually works. As well as, when you deal with the people in your life that you are the closest to, your loved ones (family/friends and especially your most significant relationship), all the other areas of your life improve right along with it!

As you know, I LOVE writing, and I LOVE creating sites, blogs, etc; not that I want to do this for a career or anything, but it does come very easy to me. It could be from all those years working in the corporate world, as a Receptionist, Office Manager or Administrative Assistant. It was not my passion, but I was good at many elements of it and it certainly has helped me with my own business! Or, it could have been from those early years back in the late 80s when I taught myself how to type on an old fashioned type-writer or the early 90s with that wonderful gift from my uncle who gave me an electric typewriter (that was the in thing before computers).

My point is, I love helping people, and I want you to know that whatever you are dealing with, I would love to help you, talk to you, or support you!

You are a very important human being, and just because you might be dealing with something other than a relationship, it doesn’t mean that coaching can’t help you. In fact, most Relationship Coaches have to have the foundation of professional coaching and life coaching under their belt before they can take the training of Relationship Coaching, so they all are relevant! And, I will be taking a Mentor Training at the end of January which will in fact be the catalyst for covering all aspects of Coaching ~ your whole life matters, and so do your relationships with the people you care about the most; especially the relationship with yourself!

However, if you do take a peek at this, just be forewarned, this is only the beginnings of something, and may be deleted if I find I can put those elements on here!

Blessed Be!