When your relationship is on the rocks, sometimes you can’t see beyond the mountain. When you take away the blocks that are in the way, the mountain disappears. If you are experiencing any of these situations, your relationship will suffer. I guarantee you. If you notice yourself in any of these
scenarios, it may be time to self reflect and get some help!
When you’re leaning on your partner for your everything. If you can’t think for yourself, you need them to take care of you or you need to take care of them. “You can’t live without each other!!!” When you’re desperate to make it work. This is the time you may need to look inside before you can expect your relationship to thrive.
This is a given, any stress, any stress at all will bleed into your relationships. If you are stressed in yourself, your partner will reap the delivery. It’s a burden on yourself, and especially your loved ones if you are stressed out yourself. When you lift your stress, your lover will feel that too, and to your surprise, they sometimes will melt right back into your arms.
When you’re blaming your hunny for everything that’s happening to you, when you can’t take the responsibility for anything, you’ll be left with a heartache as well. Take the responsibility, and acknowledge how you’ve been blaming, and your lover will want you more for it!
If you’ve got shadows and ghosts from your past, you better guess they’ll creep into your present. The ghost from Christmas past, is a line that goes towards any area of your life. When you have unresolved issues from the past, those who are the closest to you now will feel ALL OF IT! Get the support and help you need and deal with your own issues alone, without dragging your partner along. They have enough to deal with on their own.
Making Each Other Your Therapist
Get out of this habit and turn to the professionals to help you, and the pattern of co-dependency, feeling overpowered, made wrong and not being accepted will disappear. Then when you return from the professional, if you choose, you can talk about what you learned about yourself and what you’re now working on. Take the therapist role out of your relationship, and your relationship will turn into the flower it was meant to be.
Incomplete with Your Parents
If you recognize that you’re incomplete with your parents, you’ll notice the similarities between your partner and them. Your husband may remind you of your mom, or your wife may remind you of your dad, or your lover may remind you of the brother you’ve been mad at all these years, or your boyfriend may irk you the way your mom did. Any time your partner triggers you, it is a sure sign that your relationship with your parents is incomplete. Instead of resolving the issue with your partner, you may want to look deeper into a relationship you have “put on hold” for too long!
Many times, when you resolve the relationships with your parents, your partners actually look and feel different, as if they are different people, when in fact, it is you!
Grieving A Past Loved One
If you’re holding onto an old lover, and you dive into a new relationship before you can fully open your heart to loving them, the past loved one will stand stronger than the present, and you’ll be clouded with grief, despair and sadness. When you can let go, forgive, accept and release the past, you then get to be fully present with the one you are with today.
If you want a true relationship that lasts and you don’t want to drag someone into something without getting hurt, you may want to let them know you’re still not over your old loved one! It just might save the relationship you’re in today!
Having any expectations of any kind can pull your relationship apart. When you expect them to give you something, say something, do something, or feel something, you’re doomed for disappointment. When you can have honest conversations, make clear requests, and allow each other to be who you are, spontaneous in the moment, you’ll keep an open flood gate of love, healing and intimacy and you’ll begin to thrive. Acceptance, surrender and allowing will take the lead, and the failure of expectations will travel down to empty waters.
Not Being Related
Mis-trust – without trust there is no foundation
Distance – when you’re holding your love from each other there is no connection
Confusion – If you don’t understand each other, there is no connection or clarity and you may even wonder why you’re together in the first place.
Impatience – without patience, there’s no listening. Without listening, there’s no love. Without love, there’s no intimacy. Without intimacy, there’s no sex. Without sex, you may feel like you’re in the relationship alone. Try on a little patience, and you may get a whole world more than you asked for!
When you’re on guard, always ready for an attack, you’ve got your shields up, your swords by your side, and your standing solid. Your heart is as heavy as a brick wall, and you are completely tense, frustrated and almost sick and ready to fall over. When you’re defensive, you’re mostly hiding from yourself than you are from your lover. What is it you are angry about? Did you give up on something that was really important to you? Do you feel like no one loves you? Do you feel invalidated or unimportant? Are you tense with fear? If you are defensive, more than 9 out 10 times, it is not the other people you are mad at, but yourself. Take time to nurture yourself, and give yourself what you really need.
Unhealthy Boundaries/Difficulty Saying No
When you are uncomfortable with saying no, and you agree to everything everyone says…
When you are afraid if you say no, your partner won’t love you…
When you want to be nice all the time…
When you give in to every request or demand and never voice your own opinions…
When you can’t accept other people saying NO to YOU!
You may have unhealthy boundaries. This is an issue much more serious than it seems to be. You could have a low self esteem. You may lack self worth. You may suffer from abuse. You may be afraid…
If you have Unhealthy Boundaries, this may be the time to seek professional help, a 12 Step Group or get Healing Sessions.
Do you always need to be right?
Are you filled with pride and just so proud?
Do you shudder when anyone rejects you, criticizes you, or tells you that you are wrong?
Do you have to tell everyone else how to do something? (in particular your partner)
Do you need to always lead the way, and are never open to suggestions, feedback, advice or opinions from others?
You may be filled with a Being Right Complex and an Ego that can’t handle other people’s voices. When you reject other people’s feelings or opinions, and take it personally and reject it, there is no room for a relationship to grow, to blossom or dance. Let go of the need to be right, and you just may get the love of your dreams!
Any of these topics can be covered in a Professional Coaching Session. If you recognize any of these issues, and you want to connect to your loved one again, call me. There may be some work to do!