Dominance and Submission in Relationships

Dominance and Submission in Relationships

Dominance and Submission in RelationshipsWhen I say Dominance and Submission, I’m not exactly talking about sex, or BDSM. That comes later; much later! I’m talking about behaviors that are overbearing, dominant personalities, and being in Relationship and communication with someone who overpowers you, thinks they are the only one in control, and don’t let you get a word in. I’m talking about people that dominate to the point that your feelings don’t even matter.

I’m also talking about people in relationship who are dominant types, who take leadership to a place of love, compassion, and can direct others with kindness, and surrender when their partner wants to speak, and have a turn to share in conversation; ones feelings, needs, desires, wants and expressions. So there’s Dominance from a lower vibration and angry place, and there’s dominance from a higher vibration, from a place of love, the heart, and leading with integrated power!

This is in fact a very BIG subject, and one that deserves a lot of conversation and discussion. And is something in fact I may have a live talk about in one of my presentations, more articles and a book on this topic. But here now, I want to point out that 1. people can choose to use their powerful personalities to manage, control, and manipulate those around them, or try to, and 2. people can choose to use their powerful personalities to lead others into surrender, to feel safe, to open their hearts even deeper and use grace and love!

It takes a very strong person, and very balanced person to lead with love, and it does not come overnight. This ability takes work and years of self reflection, personal development and transformation of ones identity and ego. It takes going down the rabbit hole to the pit of ones fear, ones rage, ones despair, shame and sadness, and transform at the depth and core of ones psyche, over and over again, and come out feeling compassion, overjoyed with love, appreciation, acceptance, and humbleness!

These are two separate topics here: Dominance and Force, and Dominance and Love!

Dominance and Force has side effects of feeling overpowered, hurt, blamed, degraded, abused, feelings neglected, feelings of hurt, repression, lacking empathy, kindness or understanding. Often the people in these roles are Narcissistic, mentally ill, have unresolved childhood traumas, may have a psychological or mental imbalance, may be alcoholic or drug addicted, they may be Avoidant Personality types or Anxious Attachment types that have not done their deeper work and process work of being humble, kind, an inability to be submissive. They may have unresolved issues with their parents, have hidden and repressed feelings of rape or feeling violated, either emotionally, mentally, psychically or physically. They just may not have not done enough of their own healing to be willing to let go of control.

Dominance and Love is not exactly the same as Dominance and Submission. Dominance and Love has to do with having the ability to be a leader, teaching others to understand something, leading them through something, but then also the willingness to surrender and let go of control when the person learning, receiving and being submissive feels the need to respond, react, or has emotions and feelings they wish to share in the moment of their learning from the dominant person. When the submissive feels safe, heard and lead through something in a powerful, clear, and yet loved way, it allows the receiver to feel able to surrender to what the leader/dominant is offering/teaching/coaching/or sharing. In any case, when a submissive feels safe, they can go deeper into surrendering in the moment. This is only possible when the leader is dominating and leading from the heart, with love, grace, ease and kindness.

Dominance and Submission is more about the entire concept. There are roles that a Dominant falls into, in the scenario  where one is leading another (which can be teacher, healer, lover, coach, etc). And there are roles that a Submissive falls into, which can only be done when the person who is Dominant helps the person who is Submissive feel loved. If the person who is Submissive also has not done their personal healing, is on the defensive, in reaction, has up their guards, walls, is angry, unwilling to take coaching, shy and unable to express their feelings, and respond with love, neither the Dominant nor the Submissive will have a happy balance between the two. And, hence, no one will get either of their needs, wants, wishes, feelings heard or granted! It takes two to Tango! And in the balance of the Dominant and the Submissive, it takes TWO!

More to come!

With Love,

Asttarte

 

Dance, Empowerment and Emotional Healing

Dance, Empowerment and Emotional Healing

Dance and Emotional Healing
Journey Dance

Dance and Emotional Healing

I’ve stumbled upon some miraculous forms of dance as of the past 6 months. I never knew these styles of dance existed, until my ex introduced them to me. I am so grateful to him for that! If you are a spiritual person, into the healing arts, yoga, Shamanic Healing, or just like to try things different, these styles of dance are amazing! It’s hard to even decide what one is my favorite. I’d say all of them!

Journey Dance, great for freedom of expression, live drumming, very Shamanic, and rhythm to the tunes the teacher puts on. Whatever music the teacher decides will make or break the class. You can express yourself and break open limits you have around your ease to feel comfortable in your own body. You can learn to feel pleasure just from movement, your sensual nature and begin a journey of self love.

contact-improv
Contact Improv

Contact Improv, an amazing form of dance mixed with martial arts! It is great for healing the need to feel connected, included, seen, important, loved, and accepted for who you are! This style of dance has you rolling on the floor, over people, and others rolling over you, literally all their weight drops into your body. You learn how to glide into someone standing vertical, using arms, your upper torso, hips, and legs all as tools to move into or away from someone. You learn to use your entire body weight to support your movement. You learn to hold someone with your weight, letting them lean into you, and they support you the same. It’s a lot about surrender and trust. You may lift someone up on your back, or be lifted and supported on theirs, being pulled in towards someone with their arms and all the way

contact improv
Also Contact Improv

behind them, and keeping the connecting where you continue to move in the opposite direction. Gravity becomes your friend, slow movement and your breath is your guide!

 

 

 

5-rhythms
5 Rhythms Dance

5 Rhythms, an amazing transformational style of dance, also very Shamanic. Here, you move at your your own pace, your own rhythm, and the focus is on individual strength, and finding the connection to your internal source of power. This style of
dance works with the different elements, and the music moves you gracefully from one element to another, from the most subtle breath, to the deepest and most rough stomp on the earth. Each element taps into a different part of your psyche, where you take a journey of your soul, from armor, stagnation, depression, repression and fear, to elation, joy, expansion, healing your heart, self love and bliss. This style of dance is empowerment, healing, and breaking barriers to your true self!

open-floor-dance
Open Floor Dance

Open Floor, an amazing new style of dance, well new to the Philadelphia area. This is a major style of emotional healing and dance therapy. Many psychotherapists go to the training as part of their therapy practice to add more skills for their patients. This style of dance, helps one to truly get a feel of all of who they are in a class. It taps into the hidden cells in their body, and almost does an awakenin
g of the inner child, honoring that inner part of you, and letting the child essence of you to become free. Each class is different, and the teacher will bring in new skills to awaken different aspects of your senses, different aspects of your personality, and then at the end everyone gets a chance to share what they got out of the class. Again, the music makes the class, and you move how you feel guided, and can rest or dance assertively, whatever you feel called to do!

freedom-dance
Freedom Dance

Freedom Dance, another amazing style of dance! Here, everyone starts on the floor, laying down, and listening to their breath. This style of dance is like yoga in a dance form. Again, another Shamanic type of dance. The teacher takes you again through the different elements of the earth. In this style of dance, moving through the elements is very obvious and clear. I will be glad to know when this style of dance comes around more often. The teachers are amazing, and again, it is an opportunity to heal hidden aspects of yourself. What was clear about this style of dance, is the level and degree of ones own boundaries, and what they are comfortable expressing, how one is comfortable connecting, or the walls one has up or witnesses in another, and the needs one has to be alone. You may discover your passion for life in this class, and what barriers you need to break through to become a more enlivened and powerful you!

All of these styles of dance are incredible! And, if I could, I’d take a teacher training in one of them!

I’m sharing this with you, because of my love of this art, and new awareness of how much it can help someone heal their internal world, and become free to be who they are!

contemplative-dance
Contemplative Dance

I also love Contemplative Dance! Contemplative Dance started off with a Buddhist meditation, and then slowly we crawled on the floor. Then we move to our own rhythms, solo at first. Moving limbs, breathing and rolling around like a baby almost, in first discovery of having a body. Then we moved more and more into conscious awareness of our muscles, until finally we were all standing. And we explored using sounds, sometimes very loudly, sometimes softly. Then we moved to contact in very fun, unique, and creative ways, almost as a meditation, or yoga style with very slow still and focused steps, until they were fast movements, jumping, bouncing or laughing! It was quite interesting. Give it a try!

 

Boundaries in Intimacy – an article

Lovers+Embrace

 

Boundaries in Intimacy are different with every person.

“Intimacy means being able to be fully present with yourself and another at the same time.” Staci Haines.

“Intimacy means being willing to experience conflict, and to use conflict to deepen your intimacy. It means risking trust with another at deeper and deeper levels over time.” Staci Haines.

Building Intimacy involves major components such as: Embodiment, consent, openness to emotions, healing through triggers, trust, self-forgiveness, authenticity, self-awareness, listening, presence with yourself and another, patience, time and acceptance with what is. Building Intimacy takes time and cannot happen immediately. It can take a few sessions before the level of trust grows strong enough to do an Intimacy Therapy Session. Building Intimacy Before Our First Session: emails & phone calls:

When emailing me, please tell me as specifically as possible what you are interested in, your intentions for our session, what your needs are, and your level of experience with Spirituality, Healing and Tantra. When you have questions about fees or sessions that are not clear to you on my website, it is always best to talk to me live.

Before meeting, I like to go over a few things that help us both to feel at ease with our initial connection. A questionnaire for new clients: This is not mandatory, however, it gives me an idea of your intention, experience, and openness to healing AND it gives you an idea of the value of our work together. If you are unclear about anything, it is always best to discuss it before we begin, and not during or after. However, if you need to wait for personal reasons, I will honor your feelings and need to do so.

Ways to Build Intimacy Are: Practice being with yourself and with another (your husband/wife/partner or alone) at the same time. Treat conflict and resistance as something that can build intimacy. Communicate openly and truthfully (to yourself and the other present) Practicing Self-Dignity: Communicate out of love and acceptance. If something comes up for you communicate by taking responsibility for your feelings and reactions. Communicate in a non-blaming attitude to give and receive more love. Understand if triggers and emotions come up for you, it is your process, and a temporary situation that will build to something beautiful. Build trust: I, as a Tantra Educator, like to take the first and second session to build trust in our relationship together as client and practitioner. Blessings to you on this beautiful journey of love, transformation and healing. Asttarte.

Boundaries with Your Significant Other and Choosing to Do A Tantra Session If you have boundaries with your partner, your wife, your husband or loved one and are unsure of the work we would do together in Session, please ask me all your questions before our Session or at the beginning of our time together! Nothing is ever done without your permission! Nothing is EVER done without an agreement between you as the client and I as the Practitioner! If you and your wife/husband or lover have an agreement to be exclusive, and don’t know what these Sessions entail, please ask to clarify any concerns you may have! If you are choosing the receive Tantra Healing without the Agreement with your husband/wife or partner, that is your choice! We will only explore avenues that will be of help to you! And, just to help you gain further comfort, any Session we do together will help you be a better lover with your partner, feel more at peace with your partner and be more of the lover they wish you to be. These Sessions are not meant for you to start a new Relationship with me. I have my own life, my own family, and I am only here as a Healer, Guide and Practitioner to you! I wish for you all the love you ever dreamed of! ~Namaste!~~~

Honoring Your Own Integrity

Sometimes when a situation arises, and you feel you need to take a stand for yourself, it may oppose other people’s viewpoints, opinions, or desires. However, if you stay firm to your own feelings and convictions, everything will fall into place out and you will have honored your own integrity and have stayed true to your view. This ultimately will lead you to self-satisfaction, honor with your heart and inner peace.
What happens when you don’t honor how you feel; when you let other people have their way, you keep your feelings to yourself, and when you suppress your needs and desires? This often leads to a loss of power; a lack of self-expression, a creative expression that gets lost, a sexual passion that gets forgotten, an opportunity that got missed, a need that didn’t get fulfilled and in some cases a routine for your child that got off schedule or the lack of self-care for yourself or others.
Tonight, I had an experience where I shared a need I felt was important to honor for my son; where it would have put his sleep schedule and evening routine off for an hour, he would not have gotten to bed until almost 11:30 at night and then would have put him into staying asleep in the morning until mid morning, totally altering the next days routines and schedule. I did not want to make my son have to sacrifice his own well-being, putting his schedule off and not getting his needs met, which ultimately would have made his father’s and my own needs and routine thrown off as well. I stood for what I felt, and requested his father find another ride or consider what his son would have to go through for him requesting to give him a ride, making his son sit in the car for an hour. So instead, he surrendered and took the train home.
Sometimes when we don’t honor how we feel, it actually can cause more upset than it would have if you just said what you felt. Giving away your power and forgetting yourself actually can create distance between people and does the opposite of what we all desire; experiencing love, being a family, & having commitment and ease between each other.
Speaking your truth, in the end is what actually gives you power, and when you hide behind someone else, there’s no you to be vivid, be real and be alive in this world!