Sex and Dating

Sex and Dating

sex and datingSex and Dating

I’ve mentioned in past posts how sex can bring up deeper issues hidden in the core of someone’s being. If the issues that are brought up were not dealt with before, or are triggered by the new lover and come to the surface, the best thing to do is face them head on. Sometimes the feelings that come up from the past is something you would rather stuff to the ground, repress it, keep it hidden, not confront it at all. But how do you move past a superficial connection to something magical, powerful, harmonious and beautiful if you ignore what is showing up for you? A relationship is a powerful tool for healing and can be a miraculous journey of growth, if you let it.

The best thing to do, is get clarity on where you are at, and sit with it, breathe with it, and feel into it. Communicate with your lover/partner/girlfriend that you are working through something. Don’t leave them in the dust to try to figure it out, guess and wonder what’s going on. Communicate at least to let them know you are ok, you’re processing something, and will return once you feel more complete on what has been brought up for you. If you like the person, and there’s potential of a great relationship, do your potential partner the courtesy of communicating with them; even if its minimal communication. Let them know what’s going on, you’re still around, and will return. This acknowledges the new potential relationship that there is a connection and hope of a relationship still exists.

Its totally ok if you have been triggered into your deeper issues, wounds, feelings. This the woman would see as a strength, and she would respect you for it. If you neglect her existence, she might not think you care, and may very well move on to someone new! So speak up, say something. Show you care, and don’t be silent! Your voice, your feelings and your relationship matters! It’s the stepping stone to something wonderful!

This is often a huge reason why I suggest becoming friends with your potential lover or partner before engaging in deeper intimacy with them. So, there is trust, safety and love, and you know they aren’t going anywhere just because a trigger came up. Its something that can be worked through, and the foundation of the relationship has already been built. Relationships always bring up things for people. If someone runs at the first trigger in the relationship, the possibility for a relationship with that person is impossible!  There’s many more things to work through, and if you run at the first chance of a trigger, no relationship with ever grow!

Let’s hope for foundation to be built in new relationships, safety, trust, love and breakthroughs to happen again and again!

Much love,

Asttarte

LoveSexandTea.com/index.php/Sex-Coaching

When To Go Past Dating

When To Go Past Dating

When to Go Past Dating

When To Go Past Dating 

How do you know when to take your relationship past the dating point? How do you know when to start kissing, being intimate, or becoming sexual? If you want the relationship to last, and not be just a sexual fling, it is often best to avoid deeper acts of sex and intimacy until you know for sure the relationship feels solid. There is that rocky stage in a new relationship where you want to be intimate, but you also want it to be the real thing. How do you know how long to wait and when to go past dating? Do you wait one month, three months, or four? Timing can be everything for each couple, and each individual.

It is crucial to discover how serious the person you are dating is, especially if you want something serious.  And if you find out two months in, they don’t want anything serious, its much easier to walk away if you haven’t had sex. But what if you have? Then what do you do? Do you walk away as soon as you know your goals are different? Or do you wait it out to see if perhaps the other person is not sure yet?

Most of the time, if someone tells you in the beginning of a relationship, that they don’t want anything serious, you should really listen to them. If they tell you they just want to have fun, or want to remain celibate, or are not looking for long term commitment, you should take whatever words they say literally. Their actions may be different than their words, but its the words in the very beginning that define how they will truly be later. If someone hints to you that they “think” maybe they are Bipolar, or that they have had a history of being afraid after things start to get serious, and hide or pull away, LISTEN to them! All of these initial honest clues will impact the rest of your relationship, and if they told you these things from the beginning, you WERE forewarned!!!

If your date, warned you about some major things that would impact your dreams of a healthy and serious relationship, and you didn’t listen, that’s your fault! You need to be the one to walk away, and you need to be the stronger one; not them. They are wounded, scared, conflicted, confused, or perhaps just a jerk. You need to be the wise one! And choose whether to go past dating and of deeper into the relationship, or end it!

It is best NOT to have any sexual intimacy with someone until you know for sure who they are, their habits, beliefs, goals, if you could be good friends, if they are healthy, if you are compatible, and if you can really see yourself with them for the long term. When you jump in right away, not truly discovering their true colors, things get sticky and challenging, and it only causes more pain later. Be smart, and wait. Trust your gut, and listen to your heart!

Asttarte

LoveSexandTea.com