Sex and Sadness
How can you feel passionate and sexy when you’re sad? How can you open up to your sexuality when you are grieving a loved one who died, or a family member of yours is very ill or hurt? How can you feel sexual when you and a partner recently broke up?
Opening up to your sexual essence is nearly impossible when major life events show up. Even one of these events can take someone down a downward spiral for months, but all of them at once seems like a Tsunami of change and where something major is happening to teach one a lesson, or to help grow towards greater enlightenment. I am talking about my personal life, and using it to help others. One of my dearest and best friends passed away recently, and her viewing was in fact on my birthday this year. It blew me away to realize how someone so young could move on. Her health was suffering, and even though she was much younger than me, she struggled to get to the source of her pain. She had a history of trauma and I spent many years trying to help her. My lesson in my relationship with her, is the same lesson in the bigger picture of all of these events (marriage ending, her death and a loved one getting severely hurt). The lesson is, I can’t heal everyone! As much as I want to help people, and perhaps be their hero, I can’t help all. And, I deeply tried to help her, but she rejected me year after year. The more I tried, it seemed the more she pushed me away. It’s amazing that right before her heart stopped, weeks prior she finally reached out to me, and asked for guidance on her spiritual development. I waited for over 15 years for her to be interested. But then it was too late. At 33, she moved on, with a beating heart that stopped and her breath became silent. Perhaps it was too much for her to try to heal in her body, and her personality would not allow it. Now, she can heal on the spirit realm, and perhaps in a new body and a new life, she can heal this life.
The end of a relationship also takes a toll. It’s like a death unto itself. You have to interact with that person in a whole new way. Grieving someone that is still living is a challenge alone. You wonder why things couldn’t work out. You wonder why they refused to heal, or were unwilling to admit their own responsibility in their own choices. You wonder why they project all their anger and blame of things they did, onto you. You can question it over and over again, but mental illness sometimes cannot be figured out. And, when the other person chooses not to heal or get help, the only thing left is to grieve. Being their friend is a challenge, because you don’t know when and if they’ll try to blame you for their own feelings again. It was such a challenge in walking away this time, that I decided to write about it. And perhaps, write about the struggle. And, maybe it could help others who loved someone with a mental illness. It’s NOT your fault! It’s not my fault. My heart is as big as The Divine Mother! But knowledge and wisdom in how to deal with someone like this, helps to end the pattern of being pulled back in, when they put on a beautiful act of being nice again. I’ll consider writing more of the story of this. Perhaps it could be a short story. However, the lesson again, is “I cannot help so much that I sacrifice my life away!”
And to top it off, my father fell and hit his head! He had a concussion with delirium. He had memory loss, but only half the time. The status is, is that he’s getting better! I am deeply grateful he is getting better and I’ll find out more tomorrow how much better he is. But at the height of his fall, I was there. I visited him for multiple days, and spent 5 or 6 hours a day just sitting with him, waiting until he woke up, helping him eat, and talking and laughing. It was very healing to be with him in this way, and he would say often, “why are you crying? I’m ok!” But I didn’t feel like he was ok. I said, “But you’re different!” And he said, “But my heart is the same!” And I smiled and said, “you are right!” It’s amazing how alike we are, and how much we get along; 2 Aries and my whole life I had no idea how similar we are until now. I am grateful to still have more years and time to spend with him, and I will continue to grow in the acceptance and understanding, that I am NOT superwoman, and I cannot save and fix everyone, but a part of me, will still always try!
So, the point of this writing, Sex and Sadness….how can one be in touch with their sexuality when they are feeling sadness? Well, simply, they cannot! One has to go through the sadness, to get to the sexiness. Many people try to ignore their feelings, their sadness, their anger, or disappointment, etc and go straight to the sexual feelings. And, then they wonder why nothing sexual is happening! Well, the answer is right in front of you! You have to feel all of your feelings, the happy ones AND the sad ones in order to feel to juicy ones! Bad feelings don’t go away by ignoring them, then they only get suppressed deeper. The more you can feel your painful feelings, the more bliss and joy you can feel when they move through you and release out of your body! And, the body WILL tell you when painful feelings are there! It ALWAYS will, so you might as well go through them, and not try jumping over them! There is a much greater reward in the end when you do!
“Instead of getting on medication, for stresses, just FEEL your feelings! Then all that stress and heavy feelings just simply go away! But you have to feel deeply, and at your core, or it will only come back until you finally face yourself again!”