Pulling Passion Out of a Hat

Pulling Passion Out of a Hat

Pulling Passion Out of a Hat

Pulling Passion Out of a Hat

Where does passion come from? What do you do with it when it overwhelms you? But more importantly, how to you access it when it is in hiding?

When passion disappears, what do you focus on? How do you regain the joy and pleasure in your relationships if no passion exists between you and your Beloved?

Sometimes, and most often, passion sizzles after it has peaked to its high with an affair, and especially with those people we love oh so much and see sometimes more often than our spirits perhaps want to. It is our hearts that want them around, but in the hanging around, the energy sizzles, the spark, as they say, runs out, and the drive to be together can disappear overnight!

When you’re in love with your husband or wife, and you wish to remain in love with them, it is almost crucial to make a date night (or day) with them to keep the sizzle high! That sizzle is what drives us, it moves us and excites our juices to be with them, and to be with them again and again! We can forget the importance of someone in our lives when you see them often, and you can definitely forget what it feels like to be touched, caressed and fondled by their flesh!

Every single part of our bodies have desire in them and the ability for passion and pleasure. The simplest touch on a face, or pressure on an arm can arouse desires forgotten and misplaced for mundane habits in the home or workplace.  When you want to turn that heat on, try teasing your lover! Remind them of your sensual power. Remind them that you truly can turn them on! AND, remind yourself you can turn yourself on too! Sometimes, in order to turn on someone else, you must turn on yourself first! And sometimes to turn on yourself, you must remember who you are, and what matters to you, and that your luscious body deserves to be touched, pampered and caressed with love! Your lover is waiting for you and your heart is always ready to be filled; even if you forget that it is there! It surely is!

Couples Marriage Coaching

Couples Marriage CoachingCouples Marriage Coaching

I’m thrilled to announce I’ve been doing more Couples and Marriage Coaching Sessions! Some couples choose to come see me separately and one on one, and some choose to see me together. While, I am great at one on one coaching, I am even better with couples! When someone comes to me privately, my focus is on helping the individual, and all the issues they are dealing with. However, not all the issues may be obvious when they come alone. I only see one persons perspective this way, and will always take to their side. When they come together, my goal is to support both individuals, and I have a bigger picture to work with, and an awareness of whats going on from both perspectives, and hence, a much bigger understanding of the healing that is needed.

I then pick up on the joint energy between the couple, the joint patterns, the joint triggers, and all the work that is needed to heal a relationship can be done right there on the spot. I still start with a gentle breathing or meditation practice, then move into coaching for each individual, and conversation of course will happen for both sides; taking turns.  We may move into forgiveness practices, acknowledging the other partner, eye gazing, breathing together, and emotional processing that is needed for each person that is at the core of the feelings inside of each of them. If we can move beyond all of these practices and the issues have been resolved, then we can move to the next stage of healing for your beloved and your relationship.

I still teach Tantra and Spiritual practices, however, they come after we have sorted out the major obstacles that are keeping your relationship separate or distant. Just like private sessions, working with the couple, both parties need to feel like they have gotten the support they needed, and each persons feelings are taken into account, as well as each persons individual issues and triggers. If the issues go beyond my abilities as a Coach, and the person needs more clinical help, we will discuss how I can be helpful alongside this, to continue the growth and healing of the relationship.

Both people in the couple must want to heal their relationship in order for the relationship to improve. If only one person wants to heal, and the other does not, we will address that in session. Or, if only one person thinks the other needs to work on them-self, and the other does not, we will find out if this is true, and how one in the couple can help the other to heal or grow. Sometimes, the support of just knowing your Beloved cares about you and wants you to be happier and feel better, and being a witness to your growth is all it takes. And sometimes, this inspires the other person in the relationship to realize they need to look at them-self too!

The cycle of making the other partner wrong is at the core of all relationships! When you can take personal responsibility for your half and how you are being with your partner, most obstacles melt away!

Love, Asttarte

Sex and Dating

Sex and Dating

sex and datingSex and Dating

I’ve mentioned in past posts how sex can bring up deeper issues hidden in the core of someone’s being. If the issues that are brought up were not dealt with before, or are triggered by the new lover and come to the surface, the best thing to do is face them head on. Sometimes the feelings that come up from the past is something you would rather stuff to the ground, repress it, keep it hidden, not confront it at all. But how do you move past a superficial connection to something magical, powerful, harmonious and beautiful if you ignore what is showing up for you? A relationship is a powerful tool for healing and can be a miraculous journey of growth, if you let it.

The best thing to do, is get clarity on where you are at, and sit with it, breathe with it, and feel into it. Communicate with your lover/partner/girlfriend that you are working through something. Don’t leave them in the dust to try to figure it out, guess and wonder what’s going on. Communicate at least to let them know you are ok, you’re processing something, and will return once you feel more complete on what has been brought up for you. If you like the person, and there’s potential of a great relationship, do your potential partner the courtesy of communicating with them; even if its minimal communication. Let them know what’s going on, you’re still around, and will return. This acknowledges the new potential relationship that there is a connection and hope of a relationship still exists.

Its totally ok if you have been triggered into your deeper issues, wounds, feelings. This the woman would see as a strength, and she would respect you for it. If you neglect her existence, she might not think you care, and may very well move on to someone new! So speak up, say something. Show you care, and don’t be silent! Your voice, your feelings and your relationship matters! It’s the stepping stone to something wonderful!

This is often a huge reason why I suggest becoming friends with your potential lover or partner before engaging in deeper intimacy with them. So, there is trust, safety and love, and you know they aren’t going anywhere just because a trigger came up. Its something that can be worked through, and the foundation of the relationship has already been built. Relationships always bring up things for people. If someone runs at the first trigger in the relationship, the possibility for a relationship with that person is impossible!  There’s many more things to work through, and if you run at the first chance of a trigger, no relationship with ever grow!

Let’s hope for foundation to be built in new relationships, safety, trust, love and breakthroughs to happen again and again!

Much love,

Asttarte

LoveSexandTea.com/index.php/Sex-Coaching

Dance, Empowerment and Emotional Healing

Dance, Empowerment and Emotional Healing

Dance and Emotional Healing
Journey Dance

Dance and Emotional Healing

I’ve stumbled upon some miraculous forms of dance as of the past 6 months. I never knew these styles of dance existed, until my ex introduced them to me. I am so grateful to him for that! If you are a spiritual person, into the healing arts, yoga, Shamanic Healing, or just like to try things different, these styles of dance are amazing! It’s hard to even decide what one is my favorite. I’d say all of them!

Journey Dance, great for freedom of expression, live drumming, very Shamanic, and rhythm to the tunes the teacher puts on. Whatever music the teacher decides will make or break the class. You can express yourself and break open limits you have around your ease to feel comfortable in your own body. You can learn to feel pleasure just from movement, your sensual nature and begin a journey of self love.

contact-improv
Contact Improv

Contact Improv, an amazing form of dance mixed with martial arts! It is great for healing the need to feel connected, included, seen, important, loved, and accepted for who you are! This style of dance has you rolling on the floor, over people, and others rolling over you, literally all their weight drops into your body. You learn how to glide into someone standing vertical, using arms, your upper torso, hips, and legs all as tools to move into or away from someone. You learn to use your entire body weight to support your movement. You learn to hold someone with your weight, letting them lean into you, and they support you the same. It’s a lot about surrender and trust. You may lift someone up on your back, or be lifted and supported on theirs, being pulled in towards someone with their arms and all the way

contact improv
Also Contact Improv

behind them, and keeping the connecting where you continue to move in the opposite direction. Gravity becomes your friend, slow movement and your breath is your guide!

 

 

 

5-rhythms
5 Rhythms Dance

5 Rhythms, an amazing transformational style of dance, also very Shamanic. Here, you move at your your own pace, your own rhythm, and the focus is on individual strength, and finding the connection to your internal source of power. This style of
dance works with the different elements, and the music moves you gracefully from one element to another, from the most subtle breath, to the deepest and most rough stomp on the earth. Each element taps into a different part of your psyche, where you take a journey of your soul, from armor, stagnation, depression, repression and fear, to elation, joy, expansion, healing your heart, self love and bliss. This style of dance is empowerment, healing, and breaking barriers to your true self!

open-floor-dance
Open Floor Dance

Open Floor, an amazing new style of dance, well new to the Philadelphia area. This is a major style of emotional healing and dance therapy. Many psychotherapists go to the training as part of their therapy practice to add more skills for their patients. This style of dance, helps one to truly get a feel of all of who they are in a class. It taps into the hidden cells in their body, and almost does an awakenin
g of the inner child, honoring that inner part of you, and letting the child essence of you to become free. Each class is different, and the teacher will bring in new skills to awaken different aspects of your senses, different aspects of your personality, and then at the end everyone gets a chance to share what they got out of the class. Again, the music makes the class, and you move how you feel guided, and can rest or dance assertively, whatever you feel called to do!

freedom-dance
Freedom Dance

Freedom Dance, another amazing style of dance! Here, everyone starts on the floor, laying down, and listening to their breath. This style of dance is like yoga in a dance form. Again, another Shamanic type of dance. The teacher takes you again through the different elements of the earth. In this style of dance, moving through the elements is very obvious and clear. I will be glad to know when this style of dance comes around more often. The teachers are amazing, and again, it is an opportunity to heal hidden aspects of yourself. What was clear about this style of dance, is the level and degree of ones own boundaries, and what they are comfortable expressing, how one is comfortable connecting, or the walls one has up or witnesses in another, and the needs one has to be alone. You may discover your passion for life in this class, and what barriers you need to break through to become a more enlivened and powerful you!

All of these styles of dance are incredible! And, if I could, I’d take a teacher training in one of them!

I’m sharing this with you, because of my love of this art, and new awareness of how much it can help someone heal their internal world, and become free to be who they are!

contemplative-dance
Contemplative Dance

I also love Contemplative Dance! Contemplative Dance started off with a Buddhist meditation, and then slowly we crawled on the floor. Then we move to our own rhythms, solo at first. Moving limbs, breathing and rolling around like a baby almost, in first discovery of having a body. Then we moved more and more into conscious awareness of our muscles, until finally we were all standing. And we explored using sounds, sometimes very loudly, sometimes softly. Then we moved to contact in very fun, unique, and creative ways, almost as a meditation, or yoga style with very slow still and focused steps, until they were fast movements, jumping, bouncing or laughing! It was quite interesting. Give it a try!

 

Integrity and Sexual Energy

Integrity and Sexual Energy

Integrity and sexual energyIntegrity and Sexual Energy

Scenario Integrity and Sexual Energy: I am greeted by my ex-lover with a friendly hello. He shows up spontaneously where I tell him I’ll be. We speak in tongue with joy, ease and lightness. He asks to find out what I’m doing over the next few days, with enthusiasm, excitement, and curiosity. The next day I send information on events that look fun, and things we have in common. I hear nothing back.  The day after, I send more information on very cool events, and hear nothing back. The next day, he finally responds, and says, “I never said we were definitely doing anything. I told you I may have had to work.” Now, I already had plans, but I was willing to be flexible to meet him. However, the lack of communication, being left in the dark, confused of if this person would want to meet or not, was emotionally and physically debilitating. Not in a real debilitating sense, however, a psychic one.

If someone you care for exclaims they want to get together, and leaves on that note, and then later completely disappears and doesn’t respond, its confusing for the psyche. It leaves someone in the unknown, and in a way, its how they keep their control on you. This then impacts the heart chakra. For women, and men, who care for their loved one, and were left feeling joyous they would meet very soon, but then never heard a word from them, its like giving mixed messages. The heart then is confused. The heart doesn’t know whether to be open, or shut down, out of this loved one saying one thing, feeling enthusiastic, and doing another, and being distant.  Here, I will discuss how this affects the heart chakra and ones sexual energy.

Integrity and Sexual Energy 2

When you leave your loved one thinking you’ll meet or at least talk in a day or two, are excited about the possibility, and then never hear from them, your spiritual body goes through a complex process of releasing someone’s lack of honesty. If you believe someone whole heartedly, at least to the point that their enthusiasm and encouragement on meeting was real, then you expect them to follow through with getting in contact.

However, when you hear nothing, you may begin to question the Integrity and Sexual Energy:

  • why you trusted them in the first place,
  • why you were so excited and doubt yourself thinking maybe they never did want to meet
  • question if you were confused about their intentions
  • or perhaps be angry that they said one thing and did another
  • or perhaps try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they never confirmed anything

However, if someone said they wanted to do something and would be in touch, and then they don’t, they are clearly lying. They are giving you mixed messages and making you believe them, to either side, whether they wanted to meet, or didn’t want to. This is insanity and crazy. There’s no reason to believe someone like this. They are in. They are out. Who knows! It depends on what they feel like, and not on how you feel or what they said.

This affects the heart chakra, and the heart then shuts down. It may shut down to this person, but also to other people when you were wide open, loving, enthusiastic and trusting, to then being confused, perhaps sad, and closing off your trust. When the heart chakra gets toyed with, has sadness, disappointment, or feels betrayed, it then impacts the sexual arousal, the root and second chakras (the arousal of a female and male’s sexual organs), and erection for men would be difficult, and arousal and juiciness for women would disappear. This type of person is possibly harmful to someone’s psyche and best to walk away, unless you are unattached, and don’t care about an outcome either way, and have a laissez faire attitude about it. If you do care, and your feelings matter, find your enthusiasm with someone who can be trusted! You never know what you’re going to get with someone who can’t follow through with what they say. And, its certainly not fun! And we do want all the fun we can have, especially for the summer! So, as they say in one of my favorite movies: “Pish, tosh!” (Throw it away!)

LoveSexandTea.com/Love-Coaching

Relationships and Fear

Relationships and Fear

Relationships and FearRelationships and Fear

It’s amazing how after a relationship has gotten to a point of feeling so amazing that the connection is divinely pure, harmonious and feels magical, that once words are put on this, the relationship falls to the gutter. Perhaps people can’t handle putting words to what is happening. They see it as a threat, or they are afraid to admit what is actually going on. I call this a Love Poison. How can one person in the relationship feel so incredible and when words are shared, their partner feels like running and hiding?

How does this start in the first place?

Both partners are happy, filled with bliss, love and magic, and the connection feels beautiful. They hold each other often, kiss often, give each other affectionate touches and glances, and then the words cause one person to retract, or contract within themselves.

I’m going to go into Attachment styles again here. There are some people in our society who have a Healthy Attachment. This is when as a child, the infant and toddler received love and attention from the mother and primary parent, when it was desired, when the child cried, and asked for help. There was a balance of give and take and the child’s needs were met with ease, not too much, and not too little.

When a child was smothered and given too much attention and the parent was worried and frantically jumped to their childs needs right away or even before it was asked, the child can then become anxious. The child can also become anxious if he or she waited around crying constantly and not feeling heard, or feeling ignored and not having their needs met at all. They can then become anxious as well.

If a child was smothered and given attention all the time, even when it wasn’t wanted, the child can then become avoidant as an adult. If a child was forced into being affectionate, or yelled at by the parent, and didn’t want the affection and didn’t do anything wrong, but the parent is hyper possessive and protective, perhaps insecure or angry, it can also cause a child to become avoidant.

These three dynamics are just a subtle difference, but can cause all the difference in the child and eventual adult. And, most people don’t know where their behaviors stem from. They think they have to remain this way for the rest of their life, or at the most, manage it.

In the book, Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner, it talks about the different attachment styles, and how to understand a partner who is an avoidant, and be more supportive to his or her emotional style. In the book, Anxious in Love, it talks about a person who becomes Anxious and how to heal oneself from this style and put less pressure on your partner who is not anxious, as well as exercises a couple can do together. I’m going to be studying more about this psychological concept on my own, and will share my studies here as inspired. Another good book, for the anxious adult, who grew up with absent parents, (emotionally or physically) is a great book called: The Emotionally Absent Mother; a guide to self healing and getting the love you missed.

Often, adults who have already healed traumas, childhood abuse, or perhaps a mental illness, would be ready to heal this type of treatment. If there are still unresolved traumas, or abuse within the system, one may not be ready to take on healing their core attachments with their significant caretakers. It takes many layers to unravel the self, and each process has its value and importance. When one is ready, the attachment style is a journey very worth undertaking, and leads one towards beautiful and healthy relationships, perhaps for the first time in their lives. I wish everyone to have the courage to heal all the layers of them-self, and to trust that each stage they are in, is exactly where they are meant to be!

Letting Your Heart Open

letting your heart openLetting Your Heart Open

After it has been months, or even perhaps years, after a relationship has ended (even if it was over before it was officially over), its a risk to open your heart again. Its important to take the time after the ending of a relationship to mend your heart, grieve, and let go of the past. However, when a new person, who you fancy, desire, have attraction for, and matches who you are, your vibration, your life practices, the things you love, your compatibility, perhaps your spirituality, and you have similar goals and desires for life, it seems like a fit. When your chakras are aligned or the level of awakening and development you have accomplished is a match to someone, it feels like you’re in heaven. Why not take the risk, and surrender to someone like this?

Well, after not having been with someone in a while, it can be scary. It takes guts to your open heart again. It takes being brave, especially to those who have gone through such challenging relationships in the past. But once you have loved, the ability to love will always return. Sometimes you need a little push. And, someone who’s a match is a perfect push to jump over that edge.

Have you ended a relationship not too long ago, and have fear of diving in with someone new? Are you afraid to get too close? And, if you feel like you’re getting close, do you immediately start to pull away or push away as soon as it gets comfortable?

Letting your heart open is a brave and amazing thing. It feels magical, like bliss, heaven, and the feeling of a new love, a new sweetheart can be scary, but it also can be utterly exciting! You don’t know the other person that well yet. You are in the discovery, the exploration, the journey, the ride. Let it be fun! Take the risk, and ride the wave of love! You might just land in the other persons arms, and be embraced with love like you’ve never known.

And, you do never know. The unknowing can be scary, and it can also be fun!

How Do You Nurture Yourself?

How Do You Nurture Yourself?

how do you future yourselfHow Do You Nurture Yourself?

How you nurture yourself all depends on what it is you are dealing with in your personal life.

Are you dealing with health matters?

Are you having relationship challenges and feeling your partner at arms length?

Is your family avoiding you and ignoring you or your feelings?

Are you having a higher level of stress and anxiety than normal?

Are you feeling more angry than normal, more tired than normal?

Are you feeling isolated, alone, sad?

How do you nurture yourself in these different situations? They each have different paths one would take to feel better, heal, come to solutions or happiness depending on the circumstance.

The first thing that is helpful is to do a daily meditation practice. You can start with 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, or 30 minutes. Just that short window of time will make you feel so much better. some people like to jump in and start with an hour. If you have the time, go for the hour. If not, try a smaller time frame.

Then do something that’s going to nurture your soul, perhaps a new spiritual practice, such as yoga, chakra healing, reading a spiritual book, learning about angels, crystals, breath work, or even getting acupuncture, massage or a reiki treatment.

Another excellent practice is drinking a specific tea that is helpful for your situation. There are many teas on the market, and many you can make at home. Most teas are made with natural herbs and are a cheaper solution than buying multiple bottles of different herbs, or oils. Herbs and essential oils can be costly when buying in bulk, but teas are very affordable. Try to match your situation with the type of tea that would be helpful for that. If you don’t know, try seeking a tea expert, an herbalist, or feel free to reach out to me for suggestions.

Next, write down everything that is going on. It is very helpful to write down your feelings, and using your writing as a sort of therapy. Writing is very cathartic and sometimes when you write down what you feel, what happened, and the situation, it can help you let it go and feel so much better about things. Then you are able to move on from it, and almost feel empowered that you expressed yourself. Some people don’t like to write, but try pushing yourself a little, via a wordpress document, in notes on your computer, or even writing in a spiral notebook or nice journal book. It sometimes feels very good to write things down with a real pen or pencil. It touches a different part of the brain and releases energy pent up in your throat and lower chakras, believe it or not. It’s not going to have the same benefit as a meditation, or chakra healing, but it is still quite powerful.

Are you an artist, musician or do you like doing things with your hands? This could be a great way to nurture your inner self, and help get through a challenging event, experience, or point in your life. You don’t have to be an expert. As long as you do it, put your heart into it and are intentional, anything you do can be helpful, and in the end, amazing!

What is it you are dealing with? Talk to me here! I’m happy to respond!

Sexual Astrology and Relationships

Sexual Astrology and Relationships

Sexual Astrology and Relationships

Sexual Astrology and Relationships. SoSexual Astrology and Relationships, I’m going to get into a little Astrology here. When it comes to relationships and our sexual desires, astrology runs the show! We may think that its our minds, our hearts and our bodies that run the show, and that is certainly part of it, however, astrology is the ruler behind all of it.

So, let me share the signs.

If your Venus is in Aquarius, you will pretty much do whatever you feel like. Venus in Aquarius loves everyone, and they don’t exactly like to be tied down to anyone in particular either. Venus in Aquarius likes to be free, they like to party, have fun, and be like a child always. They are a friend to all, and don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings either, but they will always make sure their needs are met, even if they are attempting to make others happy too. And, in the end, no one can make anyone happy but them-self, and they try to stick to this motto. They are best with lovers who can accept them in their need for freedom, or they will move on to someone else.

If your Venus is in Pisces, you are the Intuitive Lover! You’ll be easily moved to emotional connection, and your emotions will guide you to your sexuality. If you are in love, and your feelings are hurt, your arousal may be quickly turned off. However, you are a water sign, so if you have a lot of passion, a lot of water will rise and bring your passions back alive. Pisces is the sign of the sensitive lover, and they feel everything inside of them. They move often like water, so in order to keep up with them, its best to try to move with them. Pisces is the kind lover, so they will often think of others before thinking of them-self. Whatever the other partner wants, they will do what they can, to make them happy.

If your Venus is in Aries, you may be quick to decide to be involved with someone, get sexual very quickly, and just as quickly decide you don’t like them anymore, and not put much effort into keeping it going. Aries is a fire sign, and can get hot very quickly, anger, frustration quickly, and sizzle out just as fast. So, the best way to keep a Venus in Aries in your life, is to not make them angry, or do what you can to make them fall back in love all over again.

If your Venus is in Taurus, you might be very committed, sensual, and loyal to the core. Taurus is the tantric master, and are very grounded in their love making, like to move very slowly, are the leaders of foreplay, and can take as long as needed. They don’t like to share their partners, and consider their partners their own possession, so they would not want to go out searching for extra lovers, even when troubles arise.

If your Venus is in Gemini, you might be a very talkative lover, you may love to laugh and giggle in bed, and be prone to making your lover laugh as well, or talk their head off and they may want you to “shut up” sometimes. A Gemini Venus would be a very creative lover, and more detached. When a relationship ends, it might be easy for you to move on and go to the next partner. They would have an easy time with polyamory, and less clingy or possessive than other signs.

If your Venus is in Cancer, you would be very clingy to your lover, not want to share at all, and feelings would get hurt easily. Venus in Cancer would have a hard time with polyamory, and may not even think of it. Family comes first with Cancer, and they may want to include their relationship into their family, and if they cannot include their partner into their family, they may not feel as though the relationship is a good match. Venus in Cancer in bed, may want to cuddle for hours, make love for hours, and hold onto their lover for a long time. They are very affectionate, sensitive, and emotional.

If your Venus is in Leo, you may want to run the show, lead the bed-style so to speak, and take charge of your sexual interactions. Venus in Leo would be very loyal, and proud of their partner. Leo likes to be playful, child-like and innocent. They are kind, giving and selfless. They too would not want to open the relationship to others. Leo’s are loyal, committed, and usually stay with their partner for a long time.

If your Venus is in Virgo, you may be the most detail oriented lover there is. You may have an idea of how you want your sexual interactions to go, and be very clear they are the best, and if your lover does not surrender to these desires, there could be problems. Love making to you will be like art, very precise, beautiful and divine. You would be best matched with another venus lover in an earth sign , like Venus in Capricorn, Taurus or Virgo (or possibly the water signs of Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio). Venus in Virgo would not want to be polyamorous. They are happiest with a committed partner.

If your Venus is in Libra, your desire for harmony and balance overpowers everything else. Your sexual drive will most likely be high. You are an air sign, and will be aroused through the intellect. You are best matched with other creative signs. Venus in Libra would be very romantic, and do what they can to keep the romance alive. In relationships, you want everyone to be happy, so if your partner is not happy, deep down, you cannot be fully happy either. You will do everything you can to make all people involved feel equally loved, supported and nurtured, whether it is a one on one relationship, or more.

If your Venus is in Scorpio, you will be the most possessive, controlling and demanding lover there is. You will be prone to go down dark paths, and do mysterious acts such as BDSM, bondage, torture play, blood play, knife play, anything kinky and wild, possibly journey torture chambers, hand cuffs, all kinds of sex toys, swingers clubs, or anyplace you can show up with your lover in chains, and more. Venus in Scorpio does NOT want to share his or her lover, and will do everything wild and eccentric to make their lover happy. Venus in Scorpio wants to be the boss, and once you are in their web, they don’t ever want you to leave. If you have an affair however, and they find out, their anger will take over, and they will shut you out of their cave forever. Forgiveness does not come easily with Scorpio, and you may be waiting a very long time.

If your Venus is in Sagittarius, however, you have the most free lover there is, even more so than Aquarius. Venus in Sagittarius likes to be the leader, but they are also the least detached emotional lover there is. They like to bring spirituality into their relationships and love making, and bring a sort of transcendental enlightened wisdom to the bedroom. They love big, but do not want to be held down. They are best with a lover who can honor their power and their need for freedom. They need to be held to the highest degree of their power and freedom, and if they are not, they will move onto to another partner who can appreciate and honor this aspect of them. It is a part of their soul and they cannot be anything else. They are best matched with another Venus in fire or air signs.

If your Venus is in Capricorn, you have the sensual sexual energy of Taurus, and are also extremely tantric, however, the grounding of taurus goes deeper with capricorn, and they are like ice and stuck like glue to their chosen lover. Once they have fallen in love with a partner, they want to mate for life with this partner. They immediately have desires of marriage, commitment, family and children. And, when troubles arise with the relationship, even after many months, they still keep their heart tied to the same partner, and will work through any challenges that arise to keep that love alive. It is very difficult for Venus in Capricorn to share their lover, or move on, even when it seems obvious to everyone around them it is time to let go. Venus in Capricorn, in their heart, mates for life, and even if they have a new relationship, will love their ex lover as though they were together just the day before! (They are best matched with other earth signs or water).

So, find out your true Venus sign, and you will know who you really are in the bedroom, and all the lovers you have ever been with!

Inspired from studying Jyotish Astrology lately, after studying western astrology since 1984.

Resource:

http://OnlineJyotish.org

Forcing Intimacy Too Soon

Forcing Intimacy Too Soon

forcing intimacy too soonForcing Intimacy too Soon (Or rather, Forcing a Committed Relationship Too Soon)

I find it so interesting that men try to push themselves on women, who is not quite ready to be involved in a romantic or serious way. Perhaps the woman recently got out of a relationship, and just would like a friend, maybe a lover, but not quite a serious relationship. It irks me to no end when these guys just throw themselves on a woman, and she has all her walls up, is still working through the pain from the relationship before, and then he gets angry, demanding or feels like she’s rejecting him when she made it utterly clear, she was not ready.

I call this bad boundaries or lack of compatibility. Come on guys! Give her a chance to at least move on. And, if she’s still with the guy, you’re most surely going to be disappointed. Don’t force her when she hasn’t even begun to let go.

I’ve had friend after friend, who originally said they could be friends, but then along the line they fell in love with me, and then made me wrong that I was still in love with someone else. “Hello!!!! I already told you!” It’s as though they thought I would change my mind, or I would magically have let him go, my heart be blasted open, and just jump into the game of another serious relationship right away. Perhaps some women can do this, but I cannot. And I find it utterly distasteful that some men expect a woman to just get on with it, and move on right away.

Perhaps those who have the ability to do this, weren’t in fact in love with their previous partner at all. And, for them, it is much easier. And, maybe, if she’s not wanting you, perhaps your aggressiveness in the matter is what is causing her distaste. A woman needs time, she is a gentle flower, and needs her petals to be opened lovingly, with kindness and softness. When she is ready, she’ll know!

This makes sense as to why a woman who was so deeply in love with a man, where they split up, spent months and months apart, and one or both of them tried to be involved with someone else, but in fact, they were still in love with each other. And, then the new person (people) come along and try to force them to fall in love. They’re totally turned off by the force and aggressiveness. And, then time rolls around the clock and their true beloved comes back again, and they are able to easily jump into each others hearts again too. Because during their separation, the people around them, didn’t support them to grieve. All they felt was annoyance and desire to keep distant from the new people, because they needed time. I get it now. i totally get it.

So couples that break up and get back together over and over again, repeat the cycle often, because their support system wasn’t that supportive, and they never had a chance to fully let go.

We all need friends, and affection when we’re grieving and healing from the loss of a loved one, but we certainly don’t need force. And, in time, the heart does open again (with a little extra support from conscious friends, community, healing and love).

(Inspired from multiple friends who were a little too aggressive and needy with me, and my love for New Moon; a movie where the guy friend got utterly jealous and demanding when the main character, Bella, was obviously in love with someone else).

Asttarte

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

Sex and Sadness

How can you feel passionate and sexy when you’re sad? How can you open up to your sexuality when you are grieving a loved one who died, or a family member of yours is very ill or hurt? How can you feel sexual when you and a partner recently broke up?

Opening up to your sexual essence is nearly impossible when major life events show up. Even one of these events can take someone down a downward spiral for months, but all of them at once seems like a Tsunami of change and where something major is happening to teach one a lesson, or to help grow towards greater enlightenment. I am talking about my personal life, and using it to help others. One of my dearest and best friends passed away recently, and her viewing was in fact on my birthday this year.  It blew me away to realize how someone so young could move on. Her health was suffering, and even though she was much younger than me, she struggled to get to the source of her pain. She had a history of trauma and I spent many years trying to help her. My lesson in my relationship with her, is the same lesson in the bigger picture of all of these events (marriage ending, her death and a loved one getting severely hurt). The lesson is, I can’t heal everyone! As much as I want to help people, and perhaps be their hero, I can’t help all. And, I deeply tried to help her, but she rejected me year after year. The more I tried, it seemed the more she pushed me away. It’s amazing that right before her heart stopped, weeks prior she finally reached out to me, and asked for guidance on her spiritual development. I waited for over 15 years for her to be interested. But then it was too late. At 33, she moved on, with a beating heart that stopped and her breath became silent. Perhaps it was too much for her to try to heal in her body, and her personality would not allow it. Now, she can heal on the spirit realm, and perhaps in a new body and a new life, she can heal this life.

The end of a relationship also takes a toll. It’s like a death unto itself. You have to interact with that person in a whole new way.  Grieving someone that is still living is a challenge alone. You wonder why things couldn’t work out. You wonder why they refused to heal, or were unwilling to admit their own responsibility in their own choices. You wonder why they project all their anger and blame of things they did, onto you. You can question it over and over again, but mental illness sometimes cannot be figured out. And, when the other person chooses not to heal or get help, the only thing left is to grieve. Being their friend is a challenge, because you don’t know when and if they’ll try to blame you for their own feelings again. It was such a challenge in walking away this time, that I decided to write about it. And perhaps, write about the struggle. And, maybe it could help others who loved someone with a mental illness. It’s NOT your fault! It’s not my fault. My heart is as big as The Divine Mother! But knowledge and wisdom in how to deal with someone like this, helps to end the pattern of being pulled back in, when they put on a beautiful act of being nice again. I’ll consider writing more of the story of this. Perhaps it could be a short story. However, the lesson again, is “I cannot help so much that I sacrifice my life away!”

And to top it off, my father fell and hit his head! He had a concussion with delirium. He had memory loss, but only half the time. The status is, is that he’s getting better! I am deeply grateful he is getting better and I’ll find out more tomorrow how much better he is. But at the height of his fall, I was there. I visited him for multiple days, and spent 5 or 6 hours a day just sitting with him, waiting until he woke up, helping him eat, and talking and laughing. It was very healing to be with him in this way, and he would say often, “why are you crying? I’m ok!” But I didn’t feel like he was ok. I said, “But you’re different!” And he said, “But my heart is the same!” And I smiled and said, “you are right!” It’s amazing how alike we are, and how much we get along; 2 Aries and my whole life I had no idea how similar we are until now. I am grateful to still have more years and time to spend with him, and I will continue to grow in the acceptance and understanding, that I am NOT superwoman, and I cannot save and fix everyone, but a part of me, will still always try!

So, the point of this writing, Sex and Sadness….how can one be in touch with their sexuality when they are feeling sadness? Well, simply, they cannot! One has to go through the sadness, to get to the sexiness. Many people try to ignore their feelings, their sadness, their anger, or disappointment, etc and go straight to the sexual feelings. And, then they wonder why nothing sexual is happening! Well, the answer is right in front of you! You have to feel all of your feelings, the happy ones AND the sad ones in order to feel to juicy ones! Bad feelings don’t go away by ignoring them, then they only get suppressed deeper. The more you can feel your painful feelings, the more bliss and joy you can feel when they move through you and release out of your body! And, the body WILL tell you when painful feelings are there! It ALWAYS will, so you might as well go through them, and not try jumping over them! There is a much greater reward in the end when you do!

“Instead of getting on medication, for stresses, just FEEL your feelings! Then all that stress and heavy feelings just simply go away! But you have to feel deeply, and at your core, or it will only come back until you finally face yourself again!”

Sexual Repression to Expansion

sexual repression to expansion  Sexual Repression to Expansion

How does one go from being sexually depleted, lacking desire, energy or passion to finally feeling their own pleasure again?

I consider the body as a being of energy, light and movement, and with awareness, and knowledge of what is going on inside the body, what is going on in the mind, how the body feels physically, and the energy surrounding the body, one can get access to how to alter it to feeling how they “choose” to feel!

That is a lot to sort and figure out, one might say! However, really, our bodies are capable of so much more than we realize, and we ourselves have the ability to adapt, alter or change how we feel at any given moment. We can shift our focus onto what we are thinking and feeling, by what where we choose to place our attention. So, if we can do this, why not alter how our entire body feels at any given moment?

Some call me an Alchemist, because I have the ability to do this, however, it is a fun process to figure out what is going on, what is blocked, and then hone in to exactly the path to shift one’s physical sensation and reality.

So on to the subject of “Sexual Repression to Expansion”:

What are you dealing with emotionally? You can take on practices to sooth your feelings, clear them or calm them down.

Where are the emotions stored in your body? You can do visualization exercises, energy healing practices, chakra clearing and guided visualization or meditation to alter or dissolve the un-happy or stuck feelings that are not filled with light, joy or love.

What does your energy feel like around your body? Does it feel heavy or dark? Does it feel mucky or clouded? Does it feel intense like anger or a wall? Does it feel confused or sad?

How does your body feel physically? Are your muscles sore or tight? (and where). Do you feel tired, lethargic, or weak and maybe prone to getting colds (weakened immune system).

Once you discover these 4 main areas, and whether some or all need to be addressed, you can go deeper into tackling the energies that are causing the repression. One area may take significantly more importance than another, and possibly need to put all your attention on it for a while before moving on to the next. After all these are done, then you can go into the specific chakras that are asking for the most attention, do some chakra clearing practices, movement of the energies, and work on releasing the weight within in. That’s when it starts to get fun!

Once all the issues have been resolved, the chakras are moving, cleared and open, then you can go into the tantra meditation that will create expansion! And from there anything is possible!

If this sounds easy, try it out for yourself! See if you can take it on and create the movement you desire! And, if you need a little help, feel free to ask for it, and send me a message!

Lovingly to your pleasure and success,

Asttarte xoxo

Awakening Bliss

awakening bliss

Awakening Bliss

“In order to access your full potential of bliss,
you have to clear the muck that’s in the way!

We are all Spiritual beings living in a physical body. Our spiritual body is mostly unknown to people on the planet; except those who are conscious and on the path. It is my pleasure and joy to work with those who are on the path, and to those who are not, to learn the power and value in getting started.

I offer you many techniques and practices on this website that took me many years to learn and practice, and many more to master. It is the utmost importance to allow the spirit to be of a significant factor in your journey of reflection, your recovery to healing, your awakening to the divine, and your passionate desire to connect to others.

Bliss is not something that can be achieved through simple pleasures of the ego, the mind or the body. Bliss is achieved through connecting to something much bigger than we all are – the metaphysical, transcendental, ethereal and energetic part of ourselves that lies not only inside of us, but all around us. Achieving bliss is a state of mind through conscious efforts in connecting to our spiritual selves.

Bliss can be achieved through the body, but there are always energetic blocks that keep us from fully expanding and opening into a higher vibration that our divine being is craving for us to embrace. When we can merge the physical body with the spiritual body, we can then achieve a full body state of ecstatic bliss.

A Thriving Relationship

The difference between a thriving relationship and sinking a rocky boatA Thriving Relationship

Being pro-active ~

Turning your relationship to amazing:

 
Impeccability

Being Responsible – & Being Willing to be Wrong

Trust

Integrity

Honesty

Vulnerability

Acknowledgment

Honoring Your Word

Surrender

Kindness

Consideration – Putting the Others Needs First

Respect

Selflessness – Giving without Receiving – Loving

Being Present

Listening

Patience

Flexibility

Speaking the Truth & Communicating

Being a Team, supporting each other even you you’re not around, your dreams, visions, goals and desires

Being lazy ~
Turning your relationship to sour:

 

Judgment

Expectations

Placing Blame

Holding Grudges

Trauma or Being Incomplete with your past

Anger or Resentment

Comparing

Lack of Acknowledgment

Taking for Granted/Assuming they will always be there

Not Appreciating

Being Lazy, Procrastinating or not Following Through on what you said

Needing to Be Right

Lack of Commitment – Doing Everything but spending time together

Selfishness – Only Considering how you feel, expecting to get what you want, getting your needs met and not the others

Attachment

Jealousy/Possessiveness

Manipulation

Keeping Secrets & Lack of Communication

Doing what you want, despite what the other person feels. ~ A Solo Team

It’s much easier to be lazy than to be pro-active, but if you want to keep your relationship, revitalize your intimacy and be filled with love, there are some things to consider.

A Life That REALLY Matters!

A Life That REALLY Matters!

A Life That Really Matters

Spending a lifetime in taking care of others, being utterly kind, giving and making sure everyone else is taken care of before you are is exhausting, disempowering and often when we can forget who we truly are. In the old days, it was common for women to be tortured and abused if they did not follow the rules and do as they were told. It was very common for children to be beaten, whipped, confined and tortured. There were far more slaves living amongst our world, and far more authorities used their power to take advantage of the weak. Most were given the title of “witch” if they had their own mind and thought for themselves, and then killed for using their intuitive minds or creative thinking.

Today, there is more freedom, however, centuries of power and control does not get destroyed so easily. We grow up still being afraid to speak our truth, we hide our feelings, we do as others say and we often adhere to what society expects of us without choosing a new path; one of freedom, truth and self expression.

When we spend so much time at the mercy of others, we truly “forget” the importance of who we are as human beings. We often enter into relationships with others to re-live the same pattern, the illusion that we must give of ourselves and make others happy, for our own happiness. We choose to suffer in silence and instead of hurting anyone else, we hurt ourselves. We do it willingly though. We think it is of the norm. It is “no big deal”. But truly, it really IS a big deal! It is our lives we are talking about. It is our sanity, our vitality, our energy, our breath, our health, our personal lives, our creativity, our passion and our fun we are messing with when we give up our power to another just to be sure “they” are happy over there!

What is SO great about making everyone else happy anyway? What do you gain from giving all your kindness, your innocence, your strength, your vulnerability, your power and your hope to another human being? What is then left for you? Anything? When we do these things there is nothing left to give to the other people in our lives. They lose interest in us. They forget who we really are because we’re so busy making sure our Beloved, or our child, or our parent, is happy.

What is a life that really matters to YOU? Is it living out your dreams? Is it moving somewhere you never thought you could? Is it building something you always imagined, but never took the first steps? Is it starting a health and fitness program? Is it having a child your partner said you couldn’t? Is it calling your brother or sister when your partner doesn’t like them? Is it giving or contributing to society in a big way that will matter for everyone in your community? Is it finding the man or woman of your dreams? Is it finding your old best friend?

The simplest things, can be the biggest things, because they are important to YOU, and no one else. And that alone is why it MATTERS! And always will!

Your Partners Needs vs Yours

Your Partners Needs vs YoursWhen we make our partners needs, and in particular their sexual needs, more important than our own, we lose ourselves in the pursuit in making them happy. We may think we are helping them and doing them a favor, however, they were not originally attracted to us because we gave up our power, passion, and drive for them. In essence, we lose our control, our life force and our value for living when we give in always to someone else’s needs.

When we let go of control, and surrender to someone else’s it does something to our spirit, our heart, our relationship with the other person, but also the relationship to ourselves and all the other relationships in our lives. We get lost in the mess of the relationship and become something; someone else. It’s like the expression “trying to fit a square peg into a round hole” and it never works!

It is important to honor someone else’s feelings, beliefs, opinions and needs, however, not at the expense of your own, and in particular not at the expense of one’s own life. Sometimes we can forget who we are, and forget ourselves during that drive to make someone else happy. However, if the other person, your partner, does not honor, value and hold your own feelings, needs, beliefs and opinions up high and shuns them, ignores them and just quietly smiles that he (or she) is getting everything they need and want and avoiding you, the relationship is not worth staying in.  In psychological terms, one might call that a Narcissistic Abusive Relationship, but on more common terms, the relationship is just not healthy, and definitely not balanced.

There MUST be balance for a relationship to work. There must be a healthy give and take, and if someone is getting something at the expense of the other person and incapable of seeing how they are hurting the other person, only doing their best to manipulate, coerce and control them, it is definitely a toxic relationship.

Sometimes people have to throw themselves into the fire over and over again until they finally learn their lesson, and finally learn that what they are doing to themselves might be harming them. I threw myself into the fire, and did it again and again, until I truly got the lesson. “My life is NOT about someone else; it is about myself, and no one can save you but yourself! My life is about living NOW; not next year; not next month and NOT in ten years. It is about today; for today is all we have!” And when we give up our passion to make someone else happy, and in particular to make sure they do not become unhappy or angry, it is definitely considered abusive! I am on clear alert that after all the power surged through me to stand up for myself, I am moving to the place of standing up for others as well. I claim the position to be a stand for all women and children to be protected and loved, and that men truly get the help they need when they need it, and for all to open their hearts to surrender to their truth and look inside for the answers!

Make your life your own, and on occasion hold someone else’s hand, (but not at the expense of yours)!

Boundaries in Intimacy – an article

Lovers+Embrace

 

Boundaries in Intimacy are different with every person.

“Intimacy means being able to be fully present with yourself and another at the same time.” Staci Haines.

“Intimacy means being willing to experience conflict, and to use conflict to deepen your intimacy. It means risking trust with another at deeper and deeper levels over time.” Staci Haines.

Building Intimacy involves major components such as: Embodiment, consent, openness to emotions, healing through triggers, trust, self-forgiveness, authenticity, self-awareness, listening, presence with yourself and another, patience, time and acceptance with what is. Building Intimacy takes time and cannot happen immediately. It can take a few sessions before the level of trust grows strong enough to do an Intimacy Therapy Session. Building Intimacy Before Our First Session: emails & phone calls:

When emailing me, please tell me as specifically as possible what you are interested in, your intentions for our session, what your needs are, and your level of experience with Spirituality, Healing and Tantra. When you have questions about fees or sessions that are not clear to you on my website, it is always best to talk to me live.

Before meeting, I like to go over a few things that help us both to feel at ease with our initial connection. A questionnaire for new clients: This is not mandatory, however, it gives me an idea of your intention, experience, and openness to healing AND it gives you an idea of the value of our work together. If you are unclear about anything, it is always best to discuss it before we begin, and not during or after. However, if you need to wait for personal reasons, I will honor your feelings and need to do so.

Ways to Build Intimacy Are: Practice being with yourself and with another (your husband/wife/partner or alone) at the same time. Treat conflict and resistance as something that can build intimacy. Communicate openly and truthfully (to yourself and the other present) Practicing Self-Dignity: Communicate out of love and acceptance. If something comes up for you communicate by taking responsibility for your feelings and reactions. Communicate in a non-blaming attitude to give and receive more love. Understand if triggers and emotions come up for you, it is your process, and a temporary situation that will build to something beautiful. Build trust: I, as a Tantra Educator, like to take the first and second session to build trust in our relationship together as client and practitioner. Blessings to you on this beautiful journey of love, transformation and healing. Asttarte.

Boundaries with Your Significant Other and Choosing to Do A Tantra Session If you have boundaries with your partner, your wife, your husband or loved one and are unsure of the work we would do together in Session, please ask me all your questions before our Session or at the beginning of our time together! Nothing is ever done without your permission! Nothing is EVER done without an agreement between you as the client and I as the Practitioner! If you and your wife/husband or lover have an agreement to be exclusive, and don’t know what these Sessions entail, please ask to clarify any concerns you may have! If you are choosing the receive Tantra Healing without the Agreement with your husband/wife or partner, that is your choice! We will only explore avenues that will be of help to you! And, just to help you gain further comfort, any Session we do together will help you be a better lover with your partner, feel more at peace with your partner and be more of the lover they wish you to be. These Sessions are not meant for you to start a new Relationship with me. I have my own life, my own family, and I am only here as a Healer, Guide and Practitioner to you! I wish for you all the love you ever dreamed of! ~Namaste!~~~

The Dominant Woman

The Dominant WomanHey guys, Are you tired of being bossed around and controlled by your wife (or girlfriend)? Do you have to live a secret life in order to maintain some sense of control and sanity? Do you feel scared she’s going to catch you in the act, for making secret phone calls to someone you like or have an interest in? Do you have to maintain a level of privacy and secrecy in order to keep your head on straight and make sure you’re head will not be CHOPPED off when you walk home or come back into her arms? What would happen if you did get caught? Would she go to the drastic measures of divorce or a break up, just because you wanted to live a normal healthy life, and express yourself with someone who wants to listen?

This is the trap many relationships live in today. One feels unheard, misunderstood; the other wants to maintain control, power and dominance and the two have to keep secrets, lies and shut out the truth from the other. Jealousy is born, possessiveness and control and a war for authority and dominance.  What usually happens to relationships that are living in this reality, this lie, and have to pretend they are something they are not? Often, over time, they separate, they divorce or break up, and many times shutting out the other completely from their lives with little room for resolution or healing.


Probably if the truth came out today, the worse that could happen would be separation; the best, a best friend again, someone you could feel close to, safe with, and a deeper love than before.
on or healing. What would happen if the truth came out? Or, even better, if the couple were honest with their needs, wants and desires before any problems arose?

When a woman shows up with her fierce rage about her man “jeopardizing” their relationship for his own self worth and personal fulfillment, a man shuts down. He pulls back and creates more separation. The woman feels she has a sense of control, and is keeping her man on her leash so he will not run away from her, and “they maintain their commitment”. However, do they really maintain their commitment, or is it under false pretenses? lies, secrets and dominance. Men DO NOT want to be dominated, just as much as women don’t. However, when a woman tries dominating her man, she is only pushing him away further and getting less and less over time the thing she actually wants; her man.  When women can let go of their jealously and control, and men can speak their truth, the world will be a happier place. All the secrets create a sort of conspiracy and controlled, repressed, and conservative relationship. The relationship is not free, it doesn’t feel open, it doesn’t feel good, and it gets harder and harder to stay! In order for a relationship to thrive, be your true self to your Beloved, and then you get to be your true self to you! It doesn’t get any better!

Namaste~