Forcing Intimacy Too Soon

Forcing Intimacy Too Soon

forcing intimacy too soonForcing Intimacy too Soon (Or rather, Forcing a Committed Relationship Too Soon)

I find it so interesting that men try to push themselves on women, who is not quite ready to be involved in a romantic or serious way. Perhaps the woman recently got out of a relationship, and just would like a friend, maybe a lover, but not quite a serious relationship. It irks me to no end when these guys just throw themselves on a woman, and she has all her walls up, is still working through the pain from the relationship before, and then he gets angry, demanding or feels like she’s rejecting him when she made it utterly clear, she was not ready.

I call this bad boundaries or lack of compatibility. Come on guys! Give her a chance to at least move on. And, if she’s still with the guy, you’re most surely going to be disappointed. Don’t force her when she hasn’t even begun to let go.

I’ve had friend after friend, who originally said they could be friends, but then along the line they fell in love with me, and then made me wrong that I was still in love with someone else. “Hello!!!! I already told you!” It’s as though they thought I would change my mind, or I would magically have let him go, my heart be blasted open, and just jump into the game of another serious relationship right away. Perhaps some women can do this, but I cannot. And I find it utterly distasteful that some men expect a woman to just get on with it, and move on right away.

Perhaps those who have the ability to do this, weren’t in fact in love with their previous partner at all. And, for them, it is much easier. And, maybe, if she’s not wanting you, perhaps your aggressiveness in the matter is what is causing her distaste. A woman needs time, she is a gentle flower, and needs her petals to be opened lovingly, with kindness and softness. When she is ready, she’ll know!

This makes sense as to why a woman who was so deeply in love with a man, where they split up, spent months and months apart, and one or both of them tried to be involved with someone else, but in fact, they were still in love with each other. And, then the new person (people) come along and try to force them to fall in love. They’re totally turned off by the force and aggressiveness. And, then time rolls around the clock and their true beloved comes back again, and they are able to easily jump into each others hearts again too. Because during their separation, the people around them, didn’t support them to grieve. All they felt was annoyance and desire to keep distant from the new people, because they needed time. I get it now. i totally get it.

So couples that break up and get back together over and over again, repeat the cycle often, because their support system wasn’t that supportive, and they never had a chance to fully let go.

We all need friends, and affection when we’re grieving and healing from the loss of a loved one, but we certainly don’t need force. And, in time, the heart does open again (with a little extra support from conscious friends, community, healing and love).

(Inspired from multiple friends who were a little too aggressive and needy with me, and my love for New Moon; a movie where the guy friend got utterly jealous and demanding when the main character, Bella, was obviously in love with someone else).

Asttarte

Polyamory and Marriage: When You Want Your Husband and Someone else shows up!

Polyamory and Marriage - when you want your husband and someone else shows upWhen You Want Your Husband and Someone Else Shows Up. This is the pitfall of many relationships. A woman is craving connection with the man she loves, and what happens is that her man is unavailable. He’s busy or preoccupied, or his interest has dwindled and he has other concerns and things he wants to focus on. She’s deeply saddened and desperate to gain his attention, but he’s always somewhere else, emotionally or physically.

In a Polyamorous Marriage this is perfectly fine. There is an agreement between both partners that they are allowed to be with other lovers, so long as the structure of the relationship is maintained. However, if the foundation of the marriage is rocky, or there has been very little connection, intimacy and commitment between the two partners, straying from the marriage can feel like cheating, or in Christian terms “committing adultery”.

When you’re in love with your husband (or significant beloved) and there is no intimacy, your heart tears up inside. You want his commitment. You want his willingness to do what it takes to be there for you, stay by your side and give you his all! But when you have waited and waited for him to show up in this way, and all of a sudden someone else shows up, most of the time, it is like God giving you the gift you have been waiting for! You fall prey to this new amazing being that you are so deeply drawn to, and your wish has been granted. Then the big question is: what do you do next? Do you continue to wait for the man you deeply love, or do you continue to fall into the arms of another? How long are you truly willing to wait? If waiting is putting your life on hold, perhaps waiting is not what your supposed to be doing anyway. Perhaps, you ARE supposed to be enjoying life and just surrender to what life gives you!

Read more posts for women at HealingSacredWoman.com

Read more posts on my Tantra site at TrueTantra.net

Intimacy to Healing

It is a beaIntimacy to Healingutiful experience when one can allow themselves the pleasure of pure and innocent connection, love, holding and cuddling! Sometimes new energy opens, expands, clears and heals in this innocent encounter. Cuddling with a stranger is a beautiful thing, but cuddling with someone you love, feel deeply safe with, connected and care for is a whole different experience. Perhaps your Beloved, your husband or wife in sharing this cuddling is an ultimate high, to allow your heart to flow back to its true fluidity, and open up to intimacy, sensuality and sexuality. In this, sex can become a gentle, tantric, healing experience!

I love when my heart opens after deep energetic cuddling and connection! I love when my energy lifts, clears, and is filled with divine sacred union. I am grateful for the awareness of this energy, and the love within my heart!

Who have you cuddled with lately?

What have you gotten out of its experience?

Have you cuddled with a friend, a lover, a boyfriend/girlfriend, husband or wife?

How did this make you feel?

Did it open you up to deeper intimacy with someone else, your significant other, husband/wife?

Did it warm your heart and make you feel more connected to the universe/appreciation?

I’d love to hear what it created for you, and how it inspired you! Please use this blog as a means to write for yourself!

Blessings and Namaste,

Asttarte

Women Survivors

Women Survivors


women survivorsWomen Survivors

As a woman who’s a survivor, sometimes things happen in our lives that re-trigger old wounds and bring things back up. Many times we think we are over something that happened in our past, but when something to another seems subtle, and to the survivor it brings back memories of feeling overpowered or violated, we are definitely not 100% over it! I noticed this in my own journey. I am a woman who has conquered much, however, sometimes there are moments of weakness, and I’m learning to use these moments as teachers, as a guide to transform yet again.

After the recent event, when I was in an intimate moment, and a man I was involved with, to him casually put a pillow over my head and I couldn’t breathe for a couple seconds, to me it was the exact thing that triggered me into my old trauma. I said in the moment, “You deserve to be smacked!” after he moved the pillow from my face, and said, “don’t take it so seriously. It was just a joke!” I said, “no, it certainly was not a joke, and not funny!” And, perhaps to some, it may have been seen as a form of Dominance/Submission, as it was only a couple seconds. However, to a survivor, you don’t treat a woman this way, as it definitely will re-activate something dormant. I was hoping I was resolved with this myself, however, it got me present to realize, perhaps I am not totally complete, and that even though I can live my life fully, when these moments happen, it is so important to seek the help one needs to help with the triggers.

Without these moments, one cannot become aware of what is hidden, and perhaps others around you see all the time. And, so I will take action yet again, and do what I myself need to do, to help, to let go, and to return to love!

During times when a woman is re-triggered into rape, what do you do? How do you help her, Or, how do you help yourself?

Things I have done to help when the triggers show up:

~Be Gentle with Yourself, don’t judge yourself as wrong for not being complete, or for having a reaction that to others may not affect.

~Do Yoga as your daily self love practice, meditate, gentle yoga and breathe!

~Call a friend, a loved one, a therapist, a coach, a healer, or if you are religious a priest/someone you trust and feel safe talking to.

~Drink calming tea

~Go for walks if you have the energy

~Do breathwork!

~Rest, watch a movie or read a book if you’re tired

~If you’re a parent, let someone else take care of your child for a while to help you process

~Get flower essences, healing herbs and massage

~Journal, write, and records your feelings, your thoughts and your dreams!

~Cuddle with someone you love!

~Trust, this is just a moment in time, it will soon pass!

“Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior, and you’re stronger than anything life throws your way.” ~Brooke Davis

Namaste~DSC_0502_1

Asttarte

Boundaries Guide to Intimacy

boundaries guide to intimacyBoundaries guide to intimacy, and they truly do guide one to that most vulnerable place inside us. Boundaries show up often as a guide to let us know what feels safe, how comfortable we are, to show us where our limits are, and what will be supportive to allow us to go deeper. When there has been any trauma in the past, it is particularly important to honor those boundaries, and as you do, you will then be supported to go deeper in the moment and surrender into intimacy, connection and love!

Usually when there is “any” trauma from the past, one will have very strong boundaries, or they won’t have ANY at all. It is crucial that we look at where our boundaries stand; whether being too much or too little to eventually come to the place of balance. When we don’t look at this part of ourselves and just live as though we are the way we are and don’t question our behaviors, feelings or actions, there is no opening for growth.

There are many practitioners of sexual healing who got into that field to heal their own sexual wounds, many who have had trauma, and many who have no boundaries in their work. It is important, before taking on a practitioner, that you know they have done their own personal work of healing before you can trust that they can support you and help you in yours. Many may believe they have done all their healing work, but in truth, the journey to growth never ends, and it is imperative one is open to continuing their personal work.

There are those who are not practitioners, and yet they are highly sexual, have many affairs, work in highly sexual professions. Sooner or later it is important to look at any wounding from the past, and for those who are very guarded, and really need to protect themselves to open up to love, to trust these feelings, and to allow them to help you grow.

If you’re in a relationship with a man, and he cannot honor your boundaries, allowing any intimacy in the relationship is going to be extremely difficult and he may end up blaming you for not being sexual. His lack of knowledge or understanding, or willingness to listen to your inner teacher may be the catalyst to your relationship, as you are the woman and know what feels right for you, and your guidance will allow the relationship to blossom as the two of you go deep together in your intimacy practices and feeling into each others bodies to allow the connection to blossom.

Arguments may show up as he wants to become sexual immediately, and you as a woman need to take your time and trust each moment and feeling. Your body, your heart, your sensuality is your guide, and is your tool to create great and lasting intimacy and love!

(See main Tantra and Healing site at TrueTantra.net)

Women Honoring Your Body

Women Honoring Your BodyAs a woman, you know when you want to be touched. You know when you are feeling open to receiving love, nurturing and comfort.  You don’t need someone else telling “you” when “you” are ready for their touch.

Often, men in our lives like to tell us how things are going to go, and by things I mean intimacy.  Many men want to control the show.  They are usually ready immediately for intimacy,  so of course, they think that your timeline is the same. They are sadly mistaken. Men can be turned on by simply looking at a photo, or looking at a pretty woman walking by, or seeing their wife or girl friend dressed up pretty on a date. When it comes to men in their private home, lingerie is all it takes. However, as women, and women in particular who are in touch with their feelings, their sensations, their energy, emotions and their bodies changes, we don’t drop into connecting so easily. We need a little foreplay, a little love, a little conversation, and a little reason for going deeper.

Women liked being touched gently on their hand. They love having their man brush his fingertips gently through her hair and they want to know with every ounce of her breath that the man she is with loves her. We are not a quick fix to their sexual frustrations, and we are not going to just take care of their needs because they want us to.  We want to feel it deep in our bones that we are loved, and then, maybe, we’ll get closer. But it’s a woman’s choice; always!

Women’s bodies are the natural embodiment of Goddess itself. She has all the knowledge and wisdom inside of her. Not every women knows she has this innate wisdom, but she does. It IS there, and has been there all along! It is our voices that need to be heard, and it is the men in our lives we need to hear that voice. Otherwise, we might just keep that Goddess power to ourselves. Only men who truly can honor us, love us, respect us, and appreciate the depth of who we are, are men that are worthy of touching us. And in no way, is it ok to allow your man to grab you and do with you what he will, without “your” consent; without “your” permission. A woman has the word, and if it does not feel right to her, the connection with her beloved will feel it too. If he has does his inner work, and is in touch with his own feelings, he will feel hers too, and then he will be a man who can surrender to his truth, as well as give back the love to a woman what she deserves!

Creating Intimacy with A Woman

Creating Intimacy with A Woman

Creating Intimacy with a Woman

Here is my first video I made on the Dynamics and Approaching a Woman in your life. There will definitely be a Volume 2, and so on to this, and I may at some point re-do the 1st one and create an Introduction instead. However, this is the 2nd video I made. Like I said, these are the baby steps to creating videos. I may be getting some professionals to help out of this, or I may just get better at doing this myself. I’ll be playing with different lighting, backgrounds, and spacial arrangements to see what is best, but the delivery is good. I hope you enjoy this, and find it, at the least, a bit helpful.

I was not looking at notes in this one. I was just looking down while I was thinking and choosing my next words. I sometimes pause to think of what I am going to say next. I like the distance of my face the best in this, but I will be creative with this process with you, and am happy to make changes as people recommend things to try.

I am in the process of creating a Video for the Book: Mystery of Women, and will be working on getting this succinct. I am enjoying this journey of sharing what I love to you, and hope you are enjoying my journey of giving it just as much!

Namaste~

Asttarte