Couples Marriage Coaching

Couples Marriage CoachingCouples Marriage Coaching

I’m thrilled to announce I’ve been doing more Couples and Marriage Coaching Sessions! Some couples choose to come see me separately and one on one, and some choose to see me together. While, I am great at one on one coaching, I am even better with couples! When someone comes to me privately, my focus is on helping the individual, and all the issues they are dealing with. However, not all the issues may be obvious when they come alone. I only see one persons perspective this way, and will always take to their side. When they come together, my goal is to support both individuals, and I have a bigger picture to work with, and an awareness of whats going on from both perspectives, and hence, a much bigger understanding of the healing that is needed.

I then pick up on the joint energy between the couple, the joint patterns, the joint triggers, and all the work that is needed to heal a relationship can be done right there on the spot. I still start with a gentle breathing or meditation practice, then move into coaching for each individual, and conversation of course will happen for both sides; taking turns.  We may move into forgiveness practices, acknowledging the other partner, eye gazing, breathing together, and emotional processing that is needed for each person that is at the core of the feelings inside of each of them. If we can move beyond all of these practices and the issues have been resolved, then we can move to the next stage of healing for your beloved and your relationship.

I still teach Tantra and Spiritual practices, however, they come after we have sorted out the major obstacles that are keeping your relationship separate or distant. Just like private sessions, working with the couple, both parties need to feel like they have gotten the support they needed, and each persons feelings are taken into account, as well as each persons individual issues and triggers. If the issues go beyond my abilities as a Coach, and the person needs more clinical help, we will discuss how I can be helpful alongside this, to continue the growth and healing of the relationship.

Both people in the couple must want to heal their relationship in order for the relationship to improve. If only one person wants to heal, and the other does not, we will address that in session. Or, if only one person thinks the other needs to work on them-self, and the other does not, we will find out if this is true, and how one in the couple can help the other to heal or grow. Sometimes, the support of just knowing your Beloved cares about you and wants you to be happier and feel better, and being a witness to your growth is all it takes. And sometimes, this inspires the other person in the relationship to realize they need to look at them-self too!

The cycle of making the other partner wrong is at the core of all relationships! When you can take personal responsibility for your half and how you are being with your partner, most obstacles melt away!

Love, Asttarte

How Do You Nurture Yourself?

How Do You Nurture Yourself?

how do you future yourselfHow Do You Nurture Yourself?

How you nurture yourself all depends on what it is you are dealing with in your personal life.

Are you dealing with health matters?

Are you having relationship challenges and feeling your partner at arms length?

Is your family avoiding you and ignoring you or your feelings?

Are you having a higher level of stress and anxiety than normal?

Are you feeling more angry than normal, more tired than normal?

Are you feeling isolated, alone, sad?

How do you nurture yourself in these different situations? They each have different paths one would take to feel better, heal, come to solutions or happiness depending on the circumstance.

The first thing that is helpful is to do a daily meditation practice. You can start with 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, or 30 minutes. Just that short window of time will make you feel so much better. some people like to jump in and start with an hour. If you have the time, go for the hour. If not, try a smaller time frame.

Then do something that’s going to nurture your soul, perhaps a new spiritual practice, such as yoga, chakra healing, reading a spiritual book, learning about angels, crystals, breath work, or even getting acupuncture, massage or a reiki treatment.

Another excellent practice is drinking a specific tea that is helpful for your situation. There are many teas on the market, and many you can make at home. Most teas are made with natural herbs and are a cheaper solution than buying multiple bottles of different herbs, or oils. Herbs and essential oils can be costly when buying in bulk, but teas are very affordable. Try to match your situation with the type of tea that would be helpful for that. If you don’t know, try seeking a tea expert, an herbalist, or feel free to reach out to me for suggestions.

Next, write down everything that is going on. It is very helpful to write down your feelings, and using your writing as a sort of therapy. Writing is very cathartic and sometimes when you write down what you feel, what happened, and the situation, it can help you let it go and feel so much better about things. Then you are able to move on from it, and almost feel empowered that you expressed yourself. Some people don’t like to write, but try pushing yourself a little, via a wordpress document, in notes on your computer, or even writing in a spiral notebook or nice journal book. It sometimes feels very good to write things down with a real pen or pencil. It touches a different part of the brain and releases energy pent up in your throat and lower chakras, believe it or not. It’s not going to have the same benefit as a meditation, or chakra healing, but it is still quite powerful.

Are you an artist, musician or do you like doing things with your hands? This could be a great way to nurture your inner self, and help get through a challenging event, experience, or point in your life. You don’t have to be an expert. As long as you do it, put your heart into it and are intentional, anything you do can be helpful, and in the end, amazing!

What is it you are dealing with? Talk to me here! I’m happy to respond!

Your Partners Needs vs Yours

Your Partners Needs vs YoursWhen we make our partners needs, and in particular their sexual needs, more important than our own, we lose ourselves in the pursuit in making them happy. We may think we are helping them and doing them a favor, however, they were not originally attracted to us because we gave up our power, passion, and drive for them. In essence, we lose our control, our life force and our value for living when we give in always to someone else’s needs.

When we let go of control, and surrender to someone else’s it does something to our spirit, our heart, our relationship with the other person, but also the relationship to ourselves and all the other relationships in our lives. We get lost in the mess of the relationship and become something; someone else. It’s like the expression “trying to fit a square peg into a round hole” and it never works!

It is important to honor someone else’s feelings, beliefs, opinions and needs, however, not at the expense of your own, and in particular not at the expense of one’s own life. Sometimes we can forget who we are, and forget ourselves during that drive to make someone else happy. However, if the other person, your partner, does not honor, value and hold your own feelings, needs, beliefs and opinions up high and shuns them, ignores them and just quietly smiles that he (or she) is getting everything they need and want and avoiding you, the relationship is not worth staying in.  In psychological terms, one might call that a Narcissistic Abusive Relationship, but on more common terms, the relationship is just not healthy, and definitely not balanced.

There MUST be balance for a relationship to work. There must be a healthy give and take, and if someone is getting something at the expense of the other person and incapable of seeing how they are hurting the other person, only doing their best to manipulate, coerce and control them, it is definitely a toxic relationship.

Sometimes people have to throw themselves into the fire over and over again until they finally learn their lesson, and finally learn that what they are doing to themselves might be harming them. I threw myself into the fire, and did it again and again, until I truly got the lesson. “My life is NOT about someone else; it is about myself, and no one can save you but yourself! My life is about living NOW; not next year; not next month and NOT in ten years. It is about today; for today is all we have!” And when we give up our passion to make someone else happy, and in particular to make sure they do not become unhappy or angry, it is definitely considered abusive! I am on clear alert that after all the power surged through me to stand up for myself, I am moving to the place of standing up for others as well. I claim the position to be a stand for all women and children to be protected and loved, and that men truly get the help they need when they need it, and for all to open their hearts to surrender to their truth and look inside for the answers!

Make your life your own, and on occasion hold someone else’s hand, (but not at the expense of yours)!

Let Drama Fade

Let Drama Fade

let drama fade

Let Drama Fade

Often times, when there is drama going on around you, with clients, friends or others, without knowing it, it can effect our marriage or significant relationship(s) and cause us to feel distant, in need to take space to be alone and cleanse ourselves from the interactions with others.

When speaking to those who are going through something intense, if they are dear to you and you care for them, the best thing you can do to help them sometimes is to pull back and walk away giving them time to process and heal in their own time. Sometimes we have to let friends or people we love go in order to continue in our own growth and progress, and to keep our marriages and relationships happy.

Every single person we interact with every single day, whether through texting, skype, the phone, email, instant messaging, Facebook, twitter, video chat or in person all effects us on some level. And how sensitive we are to their drama, to their pull on our energy or sadness at their distance will affect our most significant partnerships. It may show up as though the partnership is having difficulty, but in fact its something else. Not everyone has words to express these experiences. Some people choose to keep their outside experiences to themselves. Some partners choose to share everything. However, what you share or what you don’t share will bleed into the very important aspects of your life.

Give your friend or client, etc a break and without feeding into their need for your continued attention, just separate. Don’t respond. Let time pass. Let them heal, and in the process, take care of your own energetic needs. Keep your energetic space clean and be a leader in ending the drama; just don’t give into it. Perhaps they will reach out to you again later and realize what they were doing, perhaps they will never learn, or perhaps they will come back later and apologize.

When you take care of your relationships that are going on around you, you are also taking care of the relationship to yourself and to your most significant loved one(s).

Pink Tantra