Healing Sexual Wounding and Divorce

Healing Sexual Wounding and DivorceHealing Sexual Wounding and Divorce

I’ve been working with someone for the past few months and the issue around old partners who walked in with other lovers have come up, feelings of rejection, feelings of secrecy, abandonment, and being alone. When you’re going through a divorce, there may be A LOT of layers that come up around your ex-lover. There may be feelings of loss, rejection, abandonment, fears and a deep loneliness that shows up.

If your ex was very secretive and there was little communication about how he or she lived their life, and they put up walls of protection to keep you from knowing who they really were, then they may feel rejected, lied to, unloved, unsupported and mis-understood. All of these layers can take weeks and sometimes months to unravel and work through.

Be honest about how you feel. Ask your partner to be honest about how he or she feels. In order to build trust with someone new, you have to let go of the layers with the old.

There is no rushing the process. However, you feel in each moment is important to process. If you have a partner, a beloved, a lover, or a therapist to process these feelings with, it is crucial to get the help to release these deep seated feelings. Eventually they will leave, release, and you will feel more whole than you ever had before. Please be patient with yourself. Once you’ve opened the flood gates, there’s no going back, but the journey to get to the other side is not an easy one. Have patience on yourself and on the ones you love!

Healing Sexual Wounding and DivorceHealing Sexual Wounding and Divorce

Arousal as Energy Movement

Arousal as Energy MovementArousal as Energy Movement

What happens after a relationship ends, or you have taken an enormous amount of time to be alone? (The relationship might as well be over if that’s the case). And definitely the case if your partner had a fear of intimacy. (Search the keyword Intimacy for more posts on this topic).

What happens to your body after you’ve gone through the grieving and letting go process, and you’re ready to start dating again, or having an interest in connecting with others after all that time?

What usually happens, is your body will start telling you that you are ready. It will have desires with certain people you are attracted to, or give you sudden urges and nudges to push you to talk to someone. But what happens when you’re by yourself, and you are starting to finally open up again after all that time alone? Your body may have waves of energy movement, or jolts of sudden arousal. It may feel orgasmic, but then when you go to pleasure yourself, you may still feel certain blocks to experience a full body experience of arousal, i.e.. orgasm.

The arousal is your bodies way of telling you that you have gotten through most of the grieving process of your ex lover (husband, wife, etc) and it has achieved a level of balance, equilibrium and harmony of energy and wants to move to a higher place of joy. You completed the cycle of sadness, solitude and aloneness after the hard core break up. You took the time you needed to rest, recover, release anxiety, stress and sadness from your previous beloved, and now your body has awaken, and it wants to wake you up to match how it feels.

It can happen anywhere; your kitchen while you are cooking a meal, your car while singing to a song you love, cleaning your home, reading, talking to a friend, or even meditating or taking a bath. When your body is ready to open to a higher level of pleasure, it doesn’t matter what you are doing or who you are with. It will move and rise within you no matter what!

If you talking to a friend in person or over the phone and you definitely don’t want that friendship to turn into something different, be careful! You may want to hang up the phone or leave the current situation to allow your body to experience how it’s feeling. Otherwise, that friendship might just turn romantic pretty quickly!

If you want the friendship to turn into something else, and your friend had been waiting for you to be ready and open, awesome! Or, you are neutral and don’t care if this person will remain your friend or turn into something else, that may be time to have a discussion. However, if you have the discussion on the spot, changes will happen almost dramatically! A more rational stand would be to walk away, take care of yourself, and then talk to your friend later after the feeling of sexual arousal and frustration has calmed down.

I’ve discovered a practice called the Deer Exercise for women and men in my recent search on this topic. This is a taoist energy practice to help move and awaken someone who has been suppressed or shut down for a long time. If you are no longer suppressed and feel the energy already excited, this practice may actually just balance you and help release some of the pent up sexual frustration, and perhaps help you relieve the sexual frustration a little easier. However, I find the Shamanic Breathwork and Tantra Meditations to be more powerful. Whatever you choose is your choice, and your body will let you know what is best!

Feel free to give the Deer Exercise a try. Who knows it might help! If anything it will help keep your energies open and your body in overall health and vitality! Enjoy!

For women:

For men and women: