Women Survivors

Women Survivors


women survivorsWomen Survivors

As a woman who’s a survivor, sometimes things happen in our lives that re-trigger old wounds and bring things back up. Many times we think we are over something that happened in our past, but when something to another seems subtle, and to the survivor it brings back memories of feeling overpowered or violated, we are definitely not 100% over it! I noticed this in my own journey. I am a woman who has conquered much, however, sometimes there are moments of weakness, and I’m learning to use these moments as teachers, as a guide to transform yet again.

After the recent event, when I was in an intimate moment, and a man I was involved with, to him casually put a pillow over my head and I couldn’t breathe for a couple seconds, to me it was the exact thing that triggered me into my old trauma. I said in the moment, “You deserve to be smacked!” after he moved the pillow from my face, and said, “don’t take it so seriously. It was just a joke!” I said, “no, it certainly was not a joke, and not funny!” And, perhaps to some, it may have been seen as a form of Dominance/Submission, as it was only a couple seconds. However, to a survivor, you don’t treat a woman this way, as it definitely will re-activate something dormant. I was hoping I was resolved with this myself, however, it got me present to realize, perhaps I am not totally complete, and that even though I can live my life fully, when these moments happen, it is so important to seek the help one needs to help with the triggers.

Without these moments, one cannot become aware of what is hidden, and perhaps others around you see all the time. And, so I will take action yet again, and do what I myself need to do, to help, to let go, and to return to love!

During times when a woman is re-triggered into rape, what do you do? How do you help her, Or, how do you help yourself?

Things I have done to help when the triggers show up:

~Be Gentle with Yourself, don’t judge yourself as wrong for not being complete, or for having a reaction that to others may not affect.

~Do Yoga as your daily self love practice, meditate, gentle yoga and breathe!

~Call a friend, a loved one, a therapist, a coach, a healer, or if you are religious a priest/someone you trust and feel safe talking to.

~Drink calming tea

~Go for walks if you have the energy

~Do breathwork!

~Rest, watch a movie or read a book if you’re tired

~If you’re a parent, let someone else take care of your child for a while to help you process

~Get flower essences, healing herbs and massage

~Journal, write, and records your feelings, your thoughts and your dreams!

~Cuddle with someone you love!

~Trust, this is just a moment in time, it will soon pass!

“Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior, and you’re stronger than anything life throws your way.” ~Brooke Davis

Namaste~DSC_0502_1

Asttarte

Loving a Man Who Won’t Commit

Loving a man who Won't CommitIt is important for women to be treated and adored for who we are, but is even more important that the man (the main man if you are polyamorous or have an open relationship) we are with eventually choose us fully, make a decision and commit. Loving a man who won’t commit eventually wears on us and tears us down. We start to resent them, regret our choices and spend our time and lives dreading the choice we made in being with him but also torn because our core wants him to just commit fully already.

Some women don’t care about marriage, and are happy being free-spirits for the rest of their lives, but many women prefer the latter. I myself, spent the last 8 years waiting for the man I love to finally choose me, settle down, pick up the plate in his career and get us a place to move in together. As a tantrica who has been trained in the sexual healing arts, and has been giving for a long time deep healing for others, it has been devastating to be the one who didn’t get what she wanted.

Do you know what happens to a woman’s yoni when she is not being fully embraced in her love and her sexuality and supported to go really deep with her true beloved? Her yoni (womb/sexual organ) clamps down. It disappears into itself, and instead of expanding outside and being fully open, orgasmic and ready for love, her flower gets tight and hides. Many times a woman’s flower hides out of fear, or anger or sadness, but sometimes it hides simply because it is not being seen. Just as she is not being seen, so too is her yoni! They go hand and hand and together when they are supported and loved, they both also rock the world and ignite anyone who is near her!

Loving a Man who Won’t Commit and women’s sexuality are like partner’s in crime. In order to fully ignite your sexuality, choose everything that works for ‘you’, and life will bring you flowers!

Boundaries Guide to Intimacy

boundaries guide to intimacyBoundaries guide to intimacy, and they truly do guide one to that most vulnerable place inside us. Boundaries show up often as a guide to let us know what feels safe, how comfortable we are, to show us where our limits are, and what will be supportive to allow us to go deeper. When there has been any trauma in the past, it is particularly important to honor those boundaries, and as you do, you will then be supported to go deeper in the moment and surrender into intimacy, connection and love!

Usually when there is “any” trauma from the past, one will have very strong boundaries, or they won’t have ANY at all. It is crucial that we look at where our boundaries stand; whether being too much or too little to eventually come to the place of balance. When we don’t look at this part of ourselves and just live as though we are the way we are and don’t question our behaviors, feelings or actions, there is no opening for growth.

There are many practitioners of sexual healing who got into that field to heal their own sexual wounds, many who have had trauma, and many who have no boundaries in their work. It is important, before taking on a practitioner, that you know they have done their own personal work of healing before you can trust that they can support you and help you in yours. Many may believe they have done all their healing work, but in truth, the journey to growth never ends, and it is imperative one is open to continuing their personal work.

There are those who are not practitioners, and yet they are highly sexual, have many affairs, work in highly sexual professions. Sooner or later it is important to look at any wounding from the past, and for those who are very guarded, and really need to protect themselves to open up to love, to trust these feelings, and to allow them to help you grow.

If you’re in a relationship with a man, and he cannot honor your boundaries, allowing any intimacy in the relationship is going to be extremely difficult and he may end up blaming you for not being sexual. His lack of knowledge or understanding, or willingness to listen to your inner teacher may be the catalyst to your relationship, as you are the woman and know what feels right for you, and your guidance will allow the relationship to blossom as the two of you go deep together in your intimacy practices and feeling into each others bodies to allow the connection to blossom.

Arguments may show up as he wants to become sexual immediately, and you as a woman need to take your time and trust each moment and feeling. Your body, your heart, your sensuality is your guide, and is your tool to create great and lasting intimacy and love!

(See main Tantra and Healing site at TrueTantra.net)

Female Ejaculation – What they Don’t Teach You in School

Female Ejaculation – What they Don’t Teach You in School

Female Ejaculation
When it comes to a ladies pleasure, there are many ways you can ignite her arousal. However, few women have the gratification of experiencing the full capacity of pleasure and it is not something taught in school. Many women have solely clitoral arousal, and are left with the rest of the labia, inner uterine walls and gspot untouched.
Many guys wish they knew how to pleasure a woman, and many women have been programmed to believe that it is not possible for them! But ladies, I’m telling you, it is totally possible for you and ALL of women to not only consider having a female ejaculation, but experiencing it to the point of having them all the time.  And once the ball starts rolling, it doesn’t stop (unless you’ve abstained for a while from sexual interaction, and by then you’ll need to open the gates again as though it’s your first time).
When it comes to self pleasure, or pleasuring another woman, you want to get the outer lips aroused and awakened. Then you want to ignite the inner lips, outer labia, inner labia, and the skin attaching to the clitoris, but never touching the tip right away. Many women have all sorts of ways of enjoyment for this part of their body, and it is their body, so you want to first ask and then listen. Don’t go into this part of her body expecting that you know everything and that you know what she wants in that very moment. She may change what she desires every time you’re together, and if you go into the experience acting as though you’re the master of HER body, you may be left frustrated that you never turned her on. This is where listening, true listening, is most important.
After you’ve relaxed her on the outside, you want to get in contact with her inside, but ONLY after she’s been aroused and feels ready for you to do so. If she starts asking you, then you know she’s really ready, but if possible, make her wait a little bit. A little frustration on her end is good for her, it makes her more ready and aroused than she might be if you dove in before she was ready. So pay attention to her body, and listen.
For every woman, she has a special spot on the inside of her yoni, at the top; like the roof of the mouth that has the same or similar consistency as the skin inside the mouth. But it will be either hard or gushy and like a ball that you can push forward and back. If its firm then it may mean she’s never had her gspot massaged before, or in a while. Her layers need some coaxing to relax and become soft.
The best way to relax her gspot:
You’ll want to start with firm pressure pulling up, almost towards yourself as though you are lifting a basketball with one finger. The middle finger is often the best to use for its thickness in holding the point and its width that you’ll be sure you’re on the right spot.  You may need to search around until you find the right spot, and every woman’s special spot is located differently inside her body. It could be close to the main entry, or all the way deep inside, so make your adjustments as you need and stick to the goal. After you’ve found it, and after you’ve placed pressure here, you’ll want to slide in and out while placing pressure. It will probably hurt her at first, and you’ll want to sooth her by letting her know she is loved, safe and very beautiful.  If it doesn’t hurt her all the better, but if its firm and hard most likely it will be.  From here you want to be creative. Massage the outside at the same time you’re massing the inside, perhaps go back and forth or continue mutually.  Once she has one cliteral orgasm, she is getting closer to having a gspot orgasm, and even closer to having an ejaculation.
If you feel small amounts of water releasing you’ll know she’s beginning to open up the floodgates, and soon she’ll be releasing water all over the place. You want to be sure you have at least one large towel; two or three is preferable as your woman might have a lot to let go of.  You can fold the towel over in corners and turn it as she gets each side soaked.  If she doesn’t get the towel that wet, it’s ok. She’s on her way to her joyous pleasure and having you for a coach and lover is her greatest treat!
Ladies, if you are doing this alone, be sure you have candles lit, incense burning, and a nice crystal for your spiritual enlightenment and energy clearing. If you have emotions come up, you might want to pause and place a hand over your heart taking deep breaths into the belly.  Be sure your phone is off and you are taking your full attention on loving yourself. You don’t want to be in the middle of an orgasm or squirting water and have the phone ringing or someone knocking on your door.  Always place a sign out your door, PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB, and give your whole energy to you! You deserve it, and now is your time. Whoever they are, and whatever they want, it can certainly wait!
If anyone has any questions, or needs further coaching, feel free to write to me at or find me at http://HealingSacredWoman.com.
Blessings and Namaste~